Francis warms up the Ferrari - HE IS LATE.....

Its funny how you can get confused. I always thought red traffic lights meant stop.

Probably a cultural difference.

In Adelaide, yellow traffic lights mean speed up!

I'm amazed how Lord Ellpus knows me!

First breakfast, and now my driving habits, let alone my rendezvous with Eva!

Are you stalking me or what, LE? :wink:

You see, Francis, I just happened to be in Paris recently, and you nearly ran me over.

Well, that's not quite true. I was in Paris on business. You see, I have been in frequent touch with Gus over the past year, and we also communicate by email, telephone and letter after the frequent touching lost its novelty.

He had a bit of a windfall in September '05, owing to the fact that he had stumbled upon a large black sack, full of $50 bills. There was also a ski mask and iron bar in the sack, but he discarded them as he already had a stock of these at home.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he asked two favours of me. One was to come up with some suggestions as to how he could invest the money, as he realised he was no good in this field after his "brothel for the aged" venture went bankrupt. Personally, I thought that he was on to a loser, the minute he told me it was going to be called the "No Spring Chicken House".

The other favour was one of a more intimate nature. He had been secretly wooing the gorgeous Eva, pretty soon after she had sold him some pie in her Wine Cellar. He had asked what varieties were on offer, and Eva had rattled off a long list. He asked what she would recommend.

She offered him her cherry.

He has been smitten ever since, and has been bombarding her with love poems via email, whilst attaching pretty racey photos of himself wearing all manner of farm underwear.
She was on the point of caving in to this wooing, when suddenly you appeared on the scene. Gus was livid. He offered me a fair amount of cash in order to find out how things stood. Was she interested in him? Or was she having her head turned by some Johnnie Foreigner?
I took on the task.

I came up with the idea of investing in a blockbuster film and he agreed, as long as the film would include a fair amount of nudity, some bestiality and a fair amount of self flagellation. I liked his thinking. Gus is my kind of guy, apart from that personal habit involving his middle digit.

I scoured Hollywood and found the ideal project. One that included every fetish known to man.

A film called the Da Vinci Code was due to be shot, and coincidentally, it was to be located in Paris, not far away from where the gorgeous Eva first offered her cherry to Gus.

The money was duly invested, minus my cut of course, and I booked a little mansion near L'Arc de Pompancircumstance in order to have a base for my investigations. As a cover, I stayed near the film set, telling the more attractive tourists that I was the Sound Producer of the movie, and did they want to come back to the mansion in order to see my long boom.

'Twas on the third day that you nearly ran me over, so I followed you in my vastly superior Aston Martin and attached a hidden camera on the front of that little Italian car of yours.

This video is a copy of the one I have sent to Gus, but he asked me to post the copy here, as he doesn't have a video player. To be accurate, he doesn't have electricity.

So, Gus now knows the truth. His heart will be broken, but I'm sure he will recover. He'll also enjoy the blockbuster film, methinks.

Weeeeeeee......!

That was FUN!





That's how I used to drive my 1972 AMC Hornet with the "desert only" air conditioner function!

Wow!

Imagine if when they were making it the woman at the end had gotten distracted or fell asleep or really, REALLY had to pee or something... I don't think "take two!" really works for this one!

What was most amazing were the spots where you could see people walking and putting along on motorbikes and such and realized that no, the film wasn't speeded up, he was really going that fast!!!!

What a driver.

I loved how I kept getting my bearings and then losing 'em again -- haven't ever really driven in Paris. I think I've stood at that spot at Sacre Coeur, though...

That was interesting.

But the Lord of the E is too modest by half, only ever promoting the dazzling feats of other posters.

His own skillful moves are no less impressive, and, though it pains me to do so (and I do mean that), I suppose it falls to me - again - to toot his horn.

Francis could woo the woman of his choice with the help of some fancy automobile manufacturing. But as this related video will show, Lord E can win over any onlooker with nothing but his own two feet!

Do not be mislead! You will notice that, to confound his stalkers and tiresome admirers, he's had this performance filmed in the kitchen of the servants' quarters, with Niall "Nez" Underfugg, his gardener's loafer brother-in-law (a useless kid who lives off the windfall he made at 16 when he invented the ergonomic garden hand hoe) filling in for the voiceover. When choosing a name for the video, he then used one of the secret spy codes he learnt in his deployment at MI5 during his military service.

But starring in this video is no other than Lord E himself, wearing socks to punctuate his nudity as he is famously wont to do - in a dazzling display of dexterity!

DDR Mario Mix - Rendezvous on Ice Super Hard - All Perfects - GLmathgrant

Sacre Coeur!!!

Francis! Our secret is out!!

Nudity, pshaw, I spied the bottoms of some colorful bermuda shorts, I think.

Yes, Eva, this guys have no manners, disclosing our little secrets!

Look what I was obliged to do:

Why did your secret being exposed prompt you to make love to a wall.

Truly, I think that a little odd.

Are you feeling quite well, Francis?

You're obviously missing the local cultural aspect of the thing, Deb!

Oh yes, I'm feeling quite well! :wink:

Hahaha! I read that as "feeling quite wall."

I'm quite sure you were feeling that wall, Francis! Please...next time, take my robe.