Garg's Bad Idea Series: #2--Tom Cruise Rock Band

I'm full of horrible ideas, and it has given me great pleasure to share them with you over the years.

Here is the second official installment in my bad idea series. The first was to write, direct, and produce a musical based on the voluminous catalogue of 90s pop sensation, The Spin Doctors. Read about it here.

I must say, I have since outdone myself.

See, I am going to start a pretentious, progressive powerpop band featuring Hollywood's Tom Cruise as the lead singer.

We will be called "Cruise Control."

The band itself will be comrpised of eleven members, each of whom will play electric versions of relatively obscure instruments such as the glockenspiel, didgeridoo, lyre, etc.

I will of course be the featured soloist, and I will play the "keytar," or more specifically, the Korg RK-100, a guitar-shaped keyboard popularized in the 1980s by the likes of Eddie Van Halen and Prince.

On stage I will wear a unitard, and a harness affixed to cables slung over pulleys. In the midst of my solos I will fly over the gigantic audience that has come to see Cruise Control.

Tom's songs will consits of metaphors thinly veiling arguments against the lie that is psychotherapy, or about Jesus flying a spaceship or some **** like that.

Here's what will happen toward the end of each show, during one of our tedious extended jams: Tom will wheel out Katie Holmes on a gurney and perfrom a live ultrasound! The lighting director will have special instructions to somehow make pink lasers shoot forth from Katie's vagina. The ultrasound itself will be projected onto a massive screen for all the audience to see.

Tom will then scream into the mic, "It's a boy motherfukker, let's rock!"

Whereupon my fingers will fly all over the Korg RK-100, with such ferocity that the audience will pass out from what doctors will call "Hyperawesomeness."

Yeah. Cruise Control, baby. Coming to an arena near you.