Reply
Wed 5 Apr, 2006 07:26 am
......or was it just a mental aber...abherr....abhorr......strangenessism type thing.
Today is a beautiful sunny day, but there is a constant cold wind.
There I was, up at the shops, buying a newspaper, some boiled sweets and anus cream, and I just happened to look out of the shop window in time to see three gorgeous young girls sway past in those hipster jeans.
Short cropped T-shirts completed the look, revealing skin from just underneath the brasserial zone, to just above the place where hair is grown that one can sit on.
Now..... normally, I would lick the old index finger and use it to smooth the moustache into place, pay for my items quickly, and then follow them at a safe distance of roughly six feet, until I'm arrested.
You know the first thing that passed through my mind today?
"BLOODY HELL, THEY'LL GET A KIDNEY INFECTION, DRESSED LIKE THAT!"
What is wrong with me? I never used to be this normal.
Am I ..........I don't know how to say this........am I ......maturing?
No worries, Lordofthegooseflesh, no one here will ever suspect you of incipient maturity . . .
Are you trying to tell me, Lord, that there was not one single grope?
Oh....the humanity!
Mature all you like but keep that fab sense of humour and the girls will come aflocking.
I subconsciously used to walk around like that in my younger, slimmer days.I didnt realise it til now when I look back and think where oh where has my figuregone.
My tops used to shrink in the wash so they rose up adn the trousers of the time were baggy and low so God know what people thought of me.I was clearly one of those girls I frown upon now.
I dont like it now coz Im sick of seeing it, plus it adds pressure to those kids who dont have perfect figures, its just dull.I partly blame Britney.
dare I say yuo sounded rather paternal towards those girls?!
Not a flicker, Gus.
I hope it's just a passing phase, as my paternal line used to get arrested right up into their eighties.
Maybe it's work related stress?
Did you at least pull your thing out?
Tell me you did that or I will throw you from the lecher club.
I see those girls and think, "your parents let you out of the house dressed like that?"
I've just read Material Girl's response and tried to visualise her hips wiggling along, as she merrily made her way to school. Nothing!
I re-read it and tried flexing at the same time. Nope.
I'm getting worried now.
Hilariously, on the right of the screen here, i see an ad for a dating service which displays a brunette with impossibly huge pecaries, giving a "come hither and take this constraining bikini off me" look . . .
gustavratzenhofer wrote:Did you at least pull your thing out?
Tell me you did that or I will throw you from the lecher club.
Gus, I had boiled sweets in one hand and anus cream in the other. I was therefore manually incapacitated as far as the old "whip it out and make them scream" tactic was concerned.
Or was I? Thinking about it, if it had happened yesterday, I would have whipped it out in no time. There was also an added incentive today, as it enjoys a bit of sunshine.
I might get my bicycle out in a minute, and see if I can catch them up. I need to reclaim my lewdness.
Setanta wrote:Hilariously, on the right of the screen here, i see an ad for a dating service which displays a brunette with impossibly huge pecaries, giving a "come hither and take this constraining bikini off me" look . . .
OOH! I think I detected a slight tremor!
It's either Set, or his words, that seem to be having an effect.
I'm already spoken for . . . thanks all the same.
I don't so much mind the short tops and low jeans, provided they are the right size. I HATE, let me say that again, HATE the muffin top that these teeny boppers have now. Get some jeans that aren't so tight the fat is squished out all over. Gross.
Lordy, if the girls didn't have Muffin Top and you were horrified, yes, you are getting old.
Right, I'm getting the bike out.
I'll let you know how I get on.
Lord Ellpus wrote:I've just read Material Girl's response and tried to visualise her hips wiggling along, as she merrily made her way to school. Nothing!
I re-read it and tried flexing at the same time. Nope.
I'm getting worried now.
No reaction whatsoever!!?
Thats exactly how guys react to me now.How soul destroying.
I would have been conservatively dressed on my way to and from school but I can remeber wearing low combat trousers and a tight lacey vest top that was riding upwards, on a really hot day...does that help.
Bella Dea wrote:Get some jeans that aren't so tight the fat is squished out all over.
There was a girl who hung around town, back in the day, who was quite pudgy and insisted on wearing tee shirts that left an exposed ring of unsightly flesh protruding from above her belt and below the shirt. One shirt in particular that she wore all the time was black with a shiny letters emblazoned across the chest area that said GET DOWN. The N had a curve to it which turned into a downward arrow and the tip of the arrow rested snugly on that vile flesh.
I swear to God my weiner did an imitation of a turtle whenever I saw her in that shirt.
Do you guys not allow us to have a bit of a tummy?!!
Do we have to have washboard stomachs to be attractive or is it a case of having a bit of extra flsh as long as its nicely presented.
My confidence and paranoia levels which are very low will be heavily effected by your answer, so think carefully.
I remember back in 1902 I heard tale of a woman with a washboard stomach somewhere in the southern regions. I was a bit skeptical at first, but curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take a road trip with my friend Barney Kloggins. I still remember the day clearly. We headed out of town and a young black man by the name of Charlie Jackson was passing by. He nodded at me and said, "Good luck in your quest for the washboard stomach woman, Mr. Ratzenhofer."
I replied, "Thanks, Charlie" as I shouted "Gitty up" and made a little clicking noise with my tongue.....
Three days later I found the woman and she did indeed have a fine-looking stomach.
Must have been handy for when she was doing her laundry!
Phew! I managed to talk my way out of it and ended up with just a verbal warning.
I caught up with the girls just as they entered the local park. I know the layout of the shrubbery in the park quite well, so I dashed over to a nearby Micromyrtus grandis, and when they were looking the other way, dashed ahead to a rather fine specimen of an Acridenia Frankliniae, and waited for them to pass by. When they got to about twenty feet away, I secreted myself, which was very pleasant but slightly messy.
It was then that I noticed the park warden standing behind me, notebook in hand.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace