What if Job were a rapper?

I can't believe nobody riffed on this. I don't like imitating rappers for some reason but I guess Job at least had motive to put on an angry front.

God be trippin'
I don't be grippin'
On **** anymore
My house anymore
My ass anymore
My kids anymore
My servants anymore
Ain't implore
God no more
He got his ****
I got mine to worry
Got the locusts bad
Got the worms I never had
Don't ax God why
He know in his eye
What he see
He see me
He see me
He see me


Heck; I don't know. I never listen to that stuff.

ROFLMAO!!!@!@!@!

Edgar you have me in stiches.

"Hee see mee
Hee see mee"

Werd.

Oh GOD, Edgar...that was too funny!

I thought nobodody would answer, thanks Edgar for that!

It only took since May 1st to get me inspired.

Just wanted to revive this thread.

Because you have been so honest, I am willing to post here (...) No, can't think of anything useful to say. See you in the pub <grabs darts>

I can't imagine Job as a rapper. Now, Abraham, he's different. He's always had that Ghetto Chic about him.

Well, I suppose I'll have to put on my Job costume, and some bling bling, and write something about darts for Rick. We have a fine dartboard in the pub, but I'm a bit rusty, so no betting.

Darts in the eyes,
dat's no surprise,
you put me through hell,
but I's hangin' well.
Bring it on elohim,
I ain't gonna scream,
bust a cap in yo' ass
if you keep up da sass.

Hmm...an Abraham rapper thread....that could work very well.

God said to Abraham
Kill me a son -

Wait, that's already been done.

You know, Edgar, a CD called 'Edga duz da Oly Buk' would both endear you to white fundamentalists and up-and-coming gangsta rappas. You should look into it .

For real?

Yeah, ma nizzle, for real .

Wow, if I were forced to say those words in my accent, they would be excruciating.

By gosh, I'm getting it.

edgar has inspired me:

God said to Abraham "Kill me a son."
The holy ghost writer said "Episode one!"
Abraham said, "You shittin' me, damn!
I ain't doin' nuttin 'less you send me a ram!"

Gangsta Moshe, upon seeing that all of his bling bling has been melted into a calf becomes very upset:

Oy gevalt you gonna mess with my crew?
My homey Aharon and his kin be real Jews
But look at all this mishugas it's drivin me crazy
You call yourselves the chosen ones but your future is hazy

I'm smashin these tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."
I'm gonna smash these tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."
Let go of your old habits
"No Moshe No Moshe."
Then I'm gonna smash the tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."

When I saw the flaming bush I thought I was on drugs (gasp)
But then I found proof it was real, a brand new pair of Lugz. (nice boots)
I came back to Mitzrayim but you had no faith in God. (That's true)
But he still sent me over with my super enhanced rod.

I'm smashin these tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."
I'm gonna smash these tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."
Let go of your old habits
"No Moshe No Moshe."
Then I'm gonna smash the tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."

The plagues didn't fade til the Egyptians obeyed HaShem
You got to Sinai but you might as well praise Aten.
Golden calves can break in half like any piece of metal
You best straighten out your foreign ways if you still want to settle.

I'm smashin these tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."
I'm gonna smash these tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."
Let go of your old habits
"No Moshe No Moshe."
Then I'm gonna smash the tablets
"No Moshe No Moshe."

You paskudnyaks don't deserve these Laws
You've got some major character flaws
You never took the time to pause
And think of what your deeds would cause
Your behavior deserves applause
from the ones who tell of Minataurs
But the most important clause
is that your God Hashem is God
So now don't you think it's odd
the maudlin way you cry for God
I will go speak to The Lord
And see about all this dischord.

I've smashed those tablets
"Oh Moshe No Moshe."
I smashed em and I crashed em
"mumble grumble mumble grumble"
Let go of your old habits
"Sure Moshe, that's kosher."

You better be good when I come back

No soup for you!

Heh. heh.

Shalom y'all

JewTang

RedMentch

MethodMentch

Alter schmutzig Mamzer