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Thu 23 Feb, 2006 11:41 am
There's a pinball machine for everything...
Is that anything like "All Things Bruce"?
G'day, Bruce!
Oh, Hello Bruce!
How are you Bruce?
A bit crooked, Bruce.
Where's Bruce?
He's not 'ere, Bruce.
Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.
Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
That's a strange expression, Bruce.
Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up.
Here! Here's the boss-fellow now!
'Ow are you, Bruce?
G'day Bruce!
Bruce.
Hello Bruce.
Bruce.
How are you, Bruce?
G'day Bruce.
Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin' us this year in the philosophy department at the University of Walamaloo.
(Everyone) G'day!
Hello.
Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce.
Is your name not Bruce?
No, it's Michael.
That's going to cause a little confusion.
Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?
Gentlemen, I think we better start the faculty meeting. Before we start, though, I'd like to ask the padre for a prayer.
Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!!
Amen!
Crack two! (Bottles opening)
Now I call upon Bruce to officially welcome Mr. Baldwin to the philosophy faculty.
I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-bates here.
(Everyone) Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
Bruce here teaches classical philosophy, Bruce there teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism. And is also in charge of the sheep dip.
What's New-Bruce going to teach?
New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Benton, Lockholm, Sackly, Millbo, Hasset, and Bernerd.
Those are all cricketers!
Aww, spit!
Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
(Everyone) Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you amen!
Another two! (Bottles opening)
Any questions?
New-Bruce, are you a Poofter?
Are you a Poofter?
No!
No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules:
Rule One! (Everyone) No Poofters!
Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching.
Rule Three? (Everyone) No Poofters!!
Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.
Rule Five, (Everyone) No Poofters!
Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six.
Rule Seven, (Everyone) No Poofters!!
Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.
This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.
Amen!
And now all four Bruces launch into the Philosopher's song
Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, 'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
Oh Lord, we beesch thee, Amen!
^Those are the original Ted Nugent band members, sans Ted. Guy on the right is Derek St. Holmes, who sang on Stranglehold.
-----------------------------------------------------
A pistol-packing Ted Nugent startled a VH1 film crew member.
Gun enthusiast Ted Nugent won a showdown with a VH1 film crew assistant director the other day.
Nugent, in town for the filming of VH1's "Supergroup" reality show, walked onto the set early this week exercising his right to bear arms.
The startled assistant director asked the rocker to remove the holstered firearm from the active set, citing safety concerns.
Nugent, 57, stuck to his guns (gun), and the AD has not been seen on the set since, I'm told.
Reached at VH1 in New York on Friday, spokeswoman Michelle Clark said Nugent "has a license to be a firearm carrier no matter where he might be. I'm sure he wasn't waving it around."
Nugent and four other veteran rockers wrap up their 12-day taping, most of it at the Parisian Palace, with a concert Sunday at the Empire Ballroom, 3765 Las Vegas Blvd. South.
Joining Nugent on the reality show is Sebastian Bach of Skid Row; drummer Jason Bonham, son of Led Zeppelin legend John Bonham; Scott Ian of Anthrax; and Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard.
Someone asked me before what besides Cat Scratch Fever the Nuge plays. Here's the setlist from the last show I saw.
Ted Nugent @ Fillmore/San Francisco 8-2-05
Intro (America The Beautiful by Mr Ray Charles over the PA)
Star Spangled Banner
Free For All
Wango Tango
Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
Weekend Warrior
Dog Eat Dog
KLSTRPHKME
Raw Dogz
Crave
Soul Man
Butter Gritz
Hey Baby
CC Rider (1st time played according to Ted)
Baby Please Don't Go (yep, he pulled it out - great!)
Fred Bear
KMA (aka:Kiss My Ass)
Stranglehold
-encore-
Cat Scratch Fever
Great White Buffalo
Outro (Hit The Road Jack by brother Ray over PA)
From the upcoming VH1 rock & roll battle reality show - "Supergroup".
Why you should go see the Nuge if you get a chance, if you are a fan of rock and roll.
"My RnR animal is scentmarking earth as we speak with a hornrubbing orgy beyond any imagination. My guitars are breeding like, like, like, a guitarplayer possessed! Im headin out on the greatest Full Bluntal Nugity rockout of my bodaceuous flaming scrotalburning life! go figure. anybody wants outrageous emotional firestorming guitar music celebrating the ultimate human Xperience, I remain fully erect for ya all. lets git it on!" -Nuge
Be a contestant on Ted's show!
All contestants are chosen through The Jay and Tony Show in Los Angeles.
Send an audition tape to:
The Jay and Tony Show
Attn: Ted casting
12925 riverside Dr.
4th floor
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423
VH1 supergroup "Damnation".
Hey you guitarists, this one is worth a look.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYOV8uu17t0
Long time no Supergroup. Here is a real one - perhaps the original, and still one of the best. Bear - do you do this tune?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWOynH65XHQ
Enjoy!
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