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70 Virgins After Death???

 
 
NickFun
 
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2006 08:59 pm
I will reserve comment on WW3 starting over the cartoons. But I do have to question why the Muslim faith assures everyone of 70 virgins after they die. Is this a good thing? I was with a virgin back in 1985 - for the last time. Most virgins do not enjoy sex the first time. There's screaming, crying, guilt and pain. Then the gal falls in love with you and becomes insanely jealous! So now you've got 70 now-ex-virgins killing each other and calling you all hours of the night and day. And if that ain't enough, you may start off with 70 virgins but after a couple of months you've got 70 nagging bitches - FOR ETERNITY!

Why doesn't the Muslim faith simply tell everyone, "after you die you're going to hell"?
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neologist
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2006 09:08 pm
True.

Scary avatar, by the way.

Any one who seriously thinks he can handle 70 (or is it 72?) virgins has a lot to learn about human nature of the female variety.
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2006 09:27 pm
Maybe the just feel the afterlife has to offer something they never had in their own hell on earth.
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2006 09:31 pm
So as a good Muslim, I strap a bomb to myself and blow up a kindergarden class of infidels. I get to eternity and there's my 72 virgins. A bunch of fat middle aged republican computer geeks with hairy backs who spend all their time on discussion forums defending george bush.

That's hell ain't it?
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NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2006 11:22 pm
Even a bunch of cute ones would be hell. It's all the worse the way you describe.
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Sturgis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Feb, 2006 07:34 am
blueveinedthrobber wrote:
So as a good Muslim, I strap a bomb to myself and blow up a kindergarden class of infidels. I get to eternity and there's my 72 virgins. A bunch of fat middle aged republican computer geeks with hairy backs who spend all their time on discussion forums defending george bush.

That's hell ain't it?



After getting over the part where you awarded yourself 2 extra virgins I started wondering a few things...for example as you have pointed out they could all be horrendous in appearance. Then I asked myself if the gender of these virgins has ever been mentioned...perhaps they are all male virgins. Even worse maybe they all look like a combo of Ted Kennedy and Rush Limbaugh (male or female).









(and where's the problem with defending Georgie?)
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JustWonders
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Feb, 2006 09:42 am
Not virgins....raisins.

Back in 2003 Newsweek published an article titled "Challenging the Qur'an" which, as I recall, was banned in some Muslim countries. If Mr. Luxenberg and the other scholars studying this are correct, imagine the surprise (not to mention disappointment) of the homicide-bombers in seeing only a handful of raisins as their reward.

Quote:
Newsweek International, July 28, 2003
CHALLENGING THE QUR'AN
By Stefan Theil, NEWSWEEK INTERNATIONAL

In a note of encouragement to his fellow hijackers, September 11 ringleader Muhammad Atta cheered their impending "marriage in Paradise" to the 72 wide-eyed virgins the Qur'an promises to the departed faithful. Palestinian newspapers have been known to describe the death of a suicide bomber as a "wedding to the black-eyed in eternal Paradise." But if a German expert on Middle Eastern languages is correct, these hopes of sexual reward in the afterlife are based on a terrible misunderstanding.

Arguing that today's version of the Qur'an has been mistranscribed from the original text, scholar Christoph Luxenberg says that what are described as "houris" with "swelling breasts" refer to nothing more than "white raisins" and "juicy fruits."

Luxenberg?-a pseudonym?-is one of a small but growing group of scholars, most of them working in non-Muslim countries, studying the language and history of the Qur'an. When his new book is published this fall, it's likely to be the most far-reaching scholarly commentary on the Qur'an's early genesis, taking this infant discipline far into uncharted?-and highly controversial?-territory. That's because Islamic orthodoxy considers the holy book to be the verbatim revelation of Allah, speaking to his prophet, Muhammad, through the Angel Gabriel, in Arabic. Therefore, critical study of God's undiluted word has been off-limits in much of the Islamic world. (For the same reason, translations of the Qur'an are never considered authentic.) Islamic scholars who have dared ignore this taboo have often found themselves labeled heretics and targeted with death threats and violence. Luxenberg, a professor of Semitic languages at one of Germany's leading universities, has chosen to remain anonymous because he fears a fatwa by enraged Islamic extremists.

Luxenberg's chief hypothesis is that the original language of the Qur'an was not Arabic but something closer to Aramaic. He says the copy of the Qur'an used today is a mistranscription of the original text from Muhammad's time, which according to Islamic tradition was destroyed by the third caliph, Osman, in the seventh century. But Arabic did not turn up as a written language until 150 years after Muhammad's death, and most learned Arabs at that time spoke a version of Aramaic. Rereading the Paradise passage in Aramaic, the mysterious houris turn into raisins and fruit?-much more common components of the Paradise myth.

The forthcoming book contains plenty of other bombshells. It claims that the Qur'an's commandment for women to cover themselves is based on a similar misreading; in Sura 24, the verse that calls for women to "snap their scarves over their bags" becomes in Aramaic "snap their belts around their waists." Even more explosive are readings that strengthen scholars' views that the Qur'an had Christian origins. Sura 33 calls Muhammad the "seal of the prophets," taken to mean the final and ultimate prophet of God. But an Aramaic reading, says Luxenberg, turns Muhammad into a "witness of the prophets"?-i.e., someone who bears witness to the established Judeo-Christian texts. The Qur'an, in Arabic, talks about the "revelation" of Allah, but in Aramaic that term turns into "teaching" of the ancient Scriptures. The original Qur'an, Luxenberg contends, was in fact a Christian liturgical document?-before an expanding Arab empire turned Muhammad's teachings into the basis for its new religion long after the Prophet's death.

Such interpretations will undoubtedly draw the ire of many Muslims?-and not just extremists. After all, revisionist scholars have been persecuted for much less; in 2001, Egypt's Constitutional Court confirmed the "apostasy" of former University of Cairo scholar Nasr Hamid Abu-Zayd, for considering the Qur'an a document written by humans.

Still, Luxenberg may be ushering in a whole new era of Qur'anic study. "Luxenberg's findings are very relevant and convincing," says Mondher Sfar, a Tunisian specialist on the historic origins of the Qur'an in exile in Paris. "They make possible a new interpretation of the Qur'an." In the West, questioning the literal veracity of the Bible was a crucial step in breaking the church's grip on power?-and in developing a modern, secular society. That experience, as much as the questioning itself, is no doubt what concerns conservative Muslims as they struggle over the meaning and influence of Islam in the 21st century. But if Luxenberg's work is any indication, the questioning is just getting underway.

Source
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raheel
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 09:20 am
THERE IS NO SUCH BELIEF IN ISLAM
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 09:21 am
Islam doesn't believe in Raisins?
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raheel
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 09:40 am
ISLAM DOESN'T TEACH THAT U GET 70 VIRGINS WHEN U DIE/ GO TO HEAVEN
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 09:50 am
Koran 78:31
Quote:
As for the righteous, they shall surely triumph. Theirs shall be gardens and vineyards, and high- bosomed virgins for companions: a truly overflowing cup.
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 09:51 am
Koran 55:56-57
Quote:
In them will be bashful virgins neither man nor Jinn will have touched before.Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny ?"
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 10:14 am
dyslexia wrote:
Koran 78:31
Quote:
As for the righteous, they shall surely triumph. Theirs shall be gardens and vineyards, and high- bosomed virgins for companions: a truly overflowing cup.


keep the virgins but I'll take them high bosomed babes....
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LionTamerX
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 10:21 am
So one one side we have 70-72 high bosomed virgins for all eternity.
And on the other, we have bacon, booze,coffee,cigarettes, and perhaps some slightly shop-worn ladies.

I know who I'm down with.
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 10:24 am
I hear that. I'm a happy man.
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NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 10:48 am
Keep them high bosomed virgins away from me! I was with a high bosomed virgin just once and that was once too many!
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LionTamerX
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 10:56 am
I have no problem with virgins, high bosomed or otherwise...

Some of my best friends used to be virgins.

But any man who wants 72 of them at once is flat out loony.
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 11:18 am
I've never knowingly been intricate with a virgin, nor desired such.
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NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Mar, 2006 04:09 pm
Are you sure about that raheel? You mean you don't get ANY virgins?
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NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Mar, 2006 10:37 am
What happened to raheel's post??? I KNOW he posted right after dys!
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