Caring for Items that Do Not Belong to You

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said people just don't give a damn when it doesn't belong to them. (I'll add "some" people, I know that's what you meant.)

I rarely buy a book (although it's strange how my book shelves are full, I guess the occassional buy adds up over the years), so I frequent the library often.

I try to treat the books with respect, not leaving them open upside down, or defacing them. I became much more aware recently when one librarian went through and older book from the stacks I was about to check out and noted in the book "mildew damage". I wouldn't have noticed it frankly, she pointed out when I brought it back they would get rid of it so it wouldn't spread to other books.

Things like books don't hold as much value for people anymore since they're mass produced. We are such a throw-away society.

There's also this attitude of, "it's not my problem"

What's even worse is when you lend something to someone, and it comes back in worse shape than you sent it off. Without a word of apology.

Years ago, someone I lent a music tape to told me her 1 year old nephew pulled all the tape out. I waited for a minute or two, she didn't say anything else about it. She seemed really surprised when I told her that I expected her to replace the tape. "Well, he didn't do it on Purpose" was her response. Anyway, she said she get me a new one.

Months later and Christmas was coming...Same person said to me "You're really going to like the present I got you"
I replied "Well, I hope it's not that tape Micky ripped apart, that wouldn't be a gift, you just owe that to me"

"Oh No! It's not that"

Guess what my Christmas gift from her was.

Chai- I hope that you saved the busted tape. I would send it back to her next Christmas!


(And I did mean "some")

Again, it's home training. Did your parents teach you to respect other peoples' property? Mine sure did. But this is one of those 'little things' that parents don't bother teaching their children nowadays, like manners and common courtesies, and why, as a society, we're going down the tubes.

I think growing up borrowing books, in particular, from the library, and having to protect those books, has alot to do with how one treats them as well. If Blockbuster came down on people the way that I feared, as a kid, that the library would if a book you'd borrowed came back defaced, then maybe the dvd's wouldn't be such a mess. Remember, they used to fine you if vhs tapes were not rewound. It would be easy to transfer that policy to dvd's if they only had the guts. There's too much competition now, I suppose.

I'll never forget loaning an art book to a young acquaintance. It was only a paperback, not very expensive, but when I finally got it back, there were rings on the cover where glasses had been sat on it! I carried on about it like a lunatic because, to me, it was a matter of utmost disrespect towards both me and my property and I was insulted. He looked at me as if I'd gone loco and I realized that he didn't know any better, had not been taught any better but that was the last time, needless to say, that person borrowed anything of mine.

Home training.

I think the Fallacy of the Commons comes in here--tapes, library books, motor pool cars, public picnic sites all belong to "everyone" and frequently are not cared for by anyone.

Since I break legs with tedious frequency and Mr. Noddy has excellent medical insurance, we've accumulated a certain amount of useful home health equipment--which we used to lend out to uninsured friends and family members when needed.

First the bedside commode came back without hinges. "Oh, it was that way when we got it!"

The commode was lent out again and was returned without the tub. Since a replacement was covered by our medical insurance, we weren't out of pocket for the replacement, but $95 came out of someone's pocket.

My wooden crutches were lent out to a neighbor who had a badly strained ankle. Instead of returning them, neighbor stored them "someplace" and when push came to shove could only find one crutch. Our health insurance replaced the wooden crutches ($110) with metal crutches which are much heavier and harder for a short woman to handle.

Neighbor, conveniently forgetting my bone problems, said, "We didn't think you'd need them again."

Last week Mr. Noddy came home and announced that so-and-so needed a bathtub bench and had no bountiful medical insurance policy.

I said, "No."

I am much more careful with things that belong to other people than with my own things. I try not to borrow things because it makes me so angsty.

I find this discussion fascinating.

Made me chuckle when I thought of the differences in how I read my own (bought) books and library books - I smoke when reading my own books but I won't when I read library books. Because I am afraid the library book will smell of smoke when I return it! Guilt is alive and well in the Heeven household! My mother trained me well!

Boom - Can I borrow your Anthony Wiggle DVD?

I worked in a library for seven years, so I'm happy to hear all of you good people are careful with library books! Obviously, therefore, I'm of the "return in the same shape you got it in" school, with library books, dvds, anything...

The one time I had a booboo with a borrowed book was mortifying to me-- I left it on the couch and one of my rabbits realized (while I was out of the room) that he actually did know how to jump up onto furniture. Needless to say, by the time I came back, that book looked very different...Sigh. Of course, that became my copy and my friend got a brand new one. I wish I had at least liked the damn book though!

Phoenix, I know exactly how you feel about the dvds from Blockbuster/ Netflix type places, we've had that happen numerous times. But I don't know if it's completely because of lack of respect for other people's things-- I think many people are just very careless now, maybe because we are such mass consumers. My boyfriend's parents drive him crazy because they scratch all dvds and cds, even the ones they own. His mother returns books to me that looked brand new when I loaned them and she laughs, "It doesn't look new anymore!" as though it's completely insignificant! Grrr!

I tend to read a lot of used-book store books -instead of going to the library - because I often read in bed and then fall asleep, thus crushing books in unconscionable ways.

I stopped lending book, mostly, because I learned hard lessons years ago when I leant various books that were precious to me and didn't get them back. One in particular I still remember - my dad had given me a book about becoming a doctor, and had written a long note to me in the front of it.
I leant it to a friend from school who also wanted to study medicine. When I asked for it back she said her mother had thrown it out when cleaning the house. I was so stunned I didn't say anything, at least that I remember. My father died not all so long afterwards.

Oh, osso, that's terrible.

Yes, I now usually only lend things out that I can bear to part with. Sad.

I confess. I owned an Irish Setter puppy who chewed up the library copy of A History of the Working Dog. The librarians chuckled all the way to the bank.

Wow, some really ouchy stories. In particular, the fact that some people acted as though it were not even important enough to try and 'make straight' for.

Maybe eoe is right, and it is about how you are raised. We never had much, but you took care of anything you had, or was borrowed, or even touched you. If you didn't, you lost things at the snap of a finger. Can't take care of it? Well, off it goes to charity or someone else.
I still carry that with me.
Respecting things, no matter who they belong to, is a way of respecting yourself.

I get very upset when someone is careless with my stuff, so I am now careful who I loan out to. Everyone gets one chance; and I try to start by loaning little things. Kinda strict, but it is a bit of a matter of trust for me.
If you throw wrappers on my floor rather than putting things in the garbage, chances are I won't lend you a nice thing. It keeps me somewhat sane.

<Noddy, what? we are fellow past irish setter people?>

Osso--

I knew we had a great deal in common.

Sasha was an Irish Setter from Cornwall and scatty as they come.