Well, I suppose the Founding Fathers knew where to stick it.
Did I just say that?
Oh, hmm, ahem, holidays for the FSM? Well, dang, people, dontcha know that every Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day?
http://www.princepasta.com/Heritage.htm
Hence that's the Sabbath. You run through the streets of the North End of Boston, yelling "Anthony! Anthony!" over and over again, then at night you cook. Of course, you don't go to work. I mean, what's the point?
Other festivals:
Winter Blitz - during every seasonal snowfall of greater than four inches, you must commandeer the closest snow plow and do donuts in the snow. If your area does not have snow, go to a hockey game and commandeer the Zamboni machine. If your area has neither snow nor hockey, move.
Everybody Loves Marinara - during every solstice or equinox (even if there is a snowfall such as requires commemoration via
Winter Blitz), make homemade marinara from whatever you have left in the cupboards. This means everything, even the Cheez Whiz from 1997 that you got as a gag gift and the can with the label pulled off of it that no one knows what's in it but you keep it around anyway because it came with the house. Feed the resulting marinara to the neighborhood and send them home early so that they may privately enjoy the ensuing miracle of flatulence.
Ramen in da House - Before any major sporting playoff game, and particularly before ultimate sporting playoffs, such as the Super Bowl and the seventh game of the World Series, empty all of your ramen bags and bowls into a large pile in the middle of the floor of your kitchen, and set them on fire. Keep the flame going by adding dry sauce packets. The longer the flame burns, the more good luck you will have with your insurance company. Be sure to keep children and pets away from open flames, and wear protective gear at all times.
Anybody else want to read from the
Big Book of FSM Holidays?
