Ellpus and the dreaded Lurgy.

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So....there I was earlier on today, in the Barbers, watching the three resident cutters do their work and awaiting my turn.

One of the three does a really good job, and the other two are slightly better than average, in a "leave a noticeable clump here and there" sort of way.

When I was next to go, I watched with a vested interest as the three seated customers were sheared. Would I get the good one? Would I think that I was going to get the good one, only to be bitterly disappointed at the last minute, as average Barber 2 decided to leave a clump and finish in an unexpectedly quick time?

Nerves close to shredding, I stilled my heart as good Barber held up the mirror so that the customer could see if the back of his head looked as good as the front. Any second now.....any second now......

His thumb went up in a sign of approval, and I immediately leapt off the chair in the waiting area, removing my jacket in one fell swoop.

I was in that chair quicker than one could say "Bob's yer Uncle and Fanny's yer Aunt", gloating at the poor sods who remained in the waiting area and were destined to spend Christmas with an odd clump for company.

It was only when good Barber started cutting my hair that I realised something. He had a terrible snotty cold and was coughing and spluttering in my direction, from about the distance of a pair of scissors added to the length of an average Italian arm.

Now....I could have been all American and assertive about it and said something like "Hey fella, would you mind discharging your highly contagious virus in another direction!". But I am English and, sorry, we don't do that sort of thing.
Instead, I made matters worse by commenting in a sympathetic way, how bad his cold was. Big mistake.
This started up a full blown conversation, during which I soon learned that the act of talking made him cough and splutter twice as much.

Still, at least I am clumpless, that is, if you don't count the numerous grey/green lumps that are now distributed across my dome.

The question is, how do you think this will affect me?

What are your views on cold ridden people working so close to the public?

.... and the wimpish way in which us Brits deal with such a situation.?

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A first-rate tonsorial treatment is worth any risk . . . tell the missus there will be no Boxing Day naughties, but that the two of you will look glorious in public . . .

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Ohh, yer Lordship. Thanks to you, I just learned a new word............lurgy!

Anyhow, I am very careful about not infecting other people. I came down with a little something yesterday, and I am not going to my bridge game........not because I feel so sick, but I am loath to be the cause of a neighborhood epidemic.

I get very annoyed when a store clerk, or other person who deals with the public, shows obvious signs of an illness. I keep a bottle of anti-bacterial stuff in my car. After I have dealt with such a person, after she has handed me currency rife with bacteria, I will get into my car, and smear the anti-bacterial stuff all over my hands.

If I see that a checkout clerk has a cold, and I am quick enough, I will attempt to get on a line which is manned by a healthy employee.

Personally, I think that companies which have staff intereacting closely with people need to have a policy where they are excused from work if they have an infectious disease.
One of the things that really trouble me is going to a restaurant where the waiter is blowing and sneezing Yuk!

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I may be mistaken, but the way you described the barber's ailment I am led to believe he is a victim of the Ebola Virus.

Nice knowing you, Lord.

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

Ohh, yer Lordship. Thanks to you, I just learned a new word............lurgy!

I take it that it isn't a well used word in the USA, Phoenix.

Well...you have learned a new word, and in the process of googling a definition, I have found a brilliant alternative dictionary.

Thank you.

And now....without further ado.....

"A Gentlemen's English Dictionary and usage", courtesy of "Two Chaps Talking"

http://www.twochapstalking.com/dictarchive/000130.html

This is their definition.......MARVELLOUS!

LURGY

"The Lurgy is the English equivalent of that perennial American playground favourite cooties.

For the uninitiated, the game is played thus.

A child, usually from a poor family, with nervous excema, a lazy eye, a faint smell of wee and glue ear, is singled out by the others.

It is announced loudly that 'X has the Lurgy'.

It is the rule that anyone who subsequently touches X will catch the Lurgy thus reinforcing their loneliness, mortification, self-loathing and alienation.

The taunting should be carried out over a period of several months. If the child is not found hanging in the gym he usually goes on to become a personal effectiveness coach, a traffic warden, a pederast or a Tory."

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Anything but a Tory.

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gustavratzenhofer wrote:

I may be mistaken, but the way you described the barber's ailment I am led to believe he is a victim of the Ebola Virus.

Nice knowing you, Lord.

See you, old boy. It was good while it lasted. It would have even been better if you'd been gentle.

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I thought it was from the Goons?

Did lurgy exist before them?

Did you wipe off the snot?

Did you thoroughly wash your hands afterwards, and dispose of the wiping implement?

You may be ok.

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Every silver lining has a cold.

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Yes, you may be.

Do not get me started about people being very sick in public, though -- makes me bananas. On my own account, I don't like it, on sozlet's (evil parents who send their sick kids to preschool anyway) I get positively apoplectic.

I'm trying to think what I would've done in that situation, if Americans are really that much more assertive. Are you saying that snot was literally landing on your head, or just colorfully saying he was sneezing a lot? If there was actual snot, I can't imagine staying (or ever going back).

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One might have noticed the sneezing ahead of time, and nipped out when it became apparent that one had the choice of either a lumpy cut or yet another experience with "rationed medical care."

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No Soz, I don't think I have actual snot on my.....hang on a mo, I've just detected a lumpy bit. I'll get back to you.

"Every silver lining has a cloud".....clever! I didn't notice the sneezing ahead of time, as I was too worried about getting a clumpy Barber, I'm afraid to say.

Maybe I could milk this over the entire holiday, and get soft boiled eggy weggys served on a tray. What do you think?

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Sounds good to me.

I take it you don't like turkey and wine and chockies and all?

Just soft boiled eggy weggy?

(Do you have toast soldiers with it? I do.)

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Soldiers? Mais OUI!

I'm thinking of getting a little hand bell, just in case I'm confined to the sofa, and need refreshment.

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I think you may end up getting hit on the noggin (or the nether noggin) pretty damn smartly id you try THAT one on.

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Oh! That "id" typo was a classic Freudian slip, nicht wahr?

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Re: Ellpus and the dreaded Lurgy.

Lord Ellpus wrote:

Now....I could have been all American and assertive about it and said something like "Hey fella, would you mind discharging your highly contagious virus in another direction!". But I am English and, sorry, we don't do that sort of thing.

Once sitting in the chair, you should never be assertive, American or not. You are at the mercy of someone who can see the back of your head, and has scissors.

I went to a newhairdressers once, and was preoccupied when I got in the chair. Without thinking, I said, "just make sure you don't cut my hair like a dyke"

http://www.joebingenheimer.com/images/mullett.JPG

I was very depressed for awhile

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