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Sun 4 Dec, 2005 04:00 am
What I am about to tell you is unbelievable. If I wouldn't have seen it with my own eyes, I would have never believed it.
I was in the shower and was in the process of rinsing the soap off my body. I had just rinsed my hair, which I usually do first, and then, like I said, the body. As I turned to get my back I felt an uncomfortable sensation as the water hit my left shoulder blade. It was kind of an itchy sensation, so I leaned against the shower wall and began to scratch myself in a bear-like fashion. That seems to take the itch away, but I was curious if I had some sort of wound on my back, so after I dried myself I turned and looked over my shoulder into the mirror. There was a small scratch in the aforementioned area, probably something I picked up when I was clearing brush earlier. But then I looked down in the mirror, saw a reflection of my ass, and was shocked.
There were two large, circular red areas, one on each cheek, and both approximately the size of automobile hubcaps. The outsides of the circles were an angry red. There appeared to be some sort of discoloration on the inside of each circle -- it was of much lighter color and almost appeared to be some sort of imagery, but because my eyes are going and I refuse to wear glasses, I couldn't quite make it out.
I left the bathroom, padded across the house, and retrieved my new digital camera from the top drawer of my Hoosier cupboard. Then, I reached behind and started snapping pictures wildly. I was understandably upset and needed to ascertain what these bizarre images were on my ass.
I loaded the pictures into my computer and took a look. The first few were nothing. One was of the cat staring at me in horror from the corner. Another was a photo of some trash in the corner. (I'd better get rid of that. I forgot about it)
But then I hit paydirt. Perfect pictures of my ass and the perplexing images. The one on the left was a perfect reproduction of the Last Supper. I could see every detail. Jesus was talking in a very animated fashion, a bunch of the apostles were leaning toward him, listening in earnest, and one guy seemed a bit embarrassed about something. His face was red and he was looking down at the floor. There were also a few beads of perspiration on his forehead.
The circle on the other ass cheek contained the opening ceremonies for the Indianapolis 500. I could see all the cars lined up, the spectators eagerly leaning against the fence waiting for the big race to start. There was a guy standing there with a flag hoisted above his head and he appeared ready to drop the flag and let the race begin. He kind of looked like my old high school shop teacher.
So.... now what? Is it unusual to have this sort of stuff on one's ass?
What is on your ass?
This will be the A2K thread where we talk about our asses and what is on them.
Someone please begin.
The humanity!!!
Three years of therapy and 'self-esteem' improvement thrown out the window in one moment.....
dlowan wrote:Unusual?
Nope.
I can't speak for the rest of A2K, but that would imply a more than passing familiarity with that particular bit of Gus's anatomy........
Re: I just noticed something highly unusual on my ass.
I for one can't get past the fact that you're able to see your ass with your own eyes. You're flexible!
Now everybody who reads this is going to try to see if they can see their own ass without a mirror.
I pulled my pants down quickly, without thought, and as my eyes wandered aimlessly, they were caught without warning. The image in the mirror on my closet door was like a dream in a fantasy world, the moment like a bullet, and within an instant, my whole world had changed.
You see, I had not known at the time how in love I was with my new Ecuadorian roommmate, nor how devoted she was to her Argentinian lover, Gabriela...
It was like a blast of ice in my face, a dark dive into uncharted, undiscovered waters...my ass was actually pulsating, and upon it I saw an image of my roommate Gia and her Argentinian friend with the jet black hair and the dark, penetrating eyes...they were dancing rythmically to the beats of Euro-trash dance music--some club down in South America somewhere, electronica bass filling my head...I saw them lean in close for that first of all first kisses in the humid, smoke-filled air...I was held in thrall at the sight of it, and could not help but move in tandem with the music that I imagined I was hearing during this erotic scene. I saw her raven-haired lover mouth the words, "un besito...un besito dell'amore..."
Gia's legs moved to the rhythm, deep house beats...something in which a snake could lose itself...their faces were inches from each other, the dance just a masquerade now, eyes living beings in need of satiation...they knew that their secret love was out.
Their lips met. Fifteen years of desire realized in an instant, fiery passions finally consumated. They knew that I was the first and only to know, and that I would keep their secret for them...a mere passerby, a non-entity in their world of heat and reverie and vision, and beauty...
"Un besito" I said, as I watched their lips close in and finally touch, that fire finally allowed to live and grow and become something more than mere heat and intuition, and I stared with feigned surprise as they kissed...
then I pulled my pants back up and said, "Holy ****, I have got such a hot ass!"
I don't need to pull my panties down or look in a mirror, for I know that Matthew is always on my ass.
He calls them hot buns for breakfast, and hot buns for dinner's gravy.
Mr Stillwater wrote:dlowan wrote:Unusual?
Nope.
I can't speak for the rest of A2K, but that would imply a more than passing familiarity with that particular bit of Gus's anatomy........
I'm a woman...I've seen a lot of bums. So?
I'm still working on this idea of your showering Gus, you always struck me more as the tub bath sort.
Sturgis wrote:I'm still working on this idea of your showering Gus, you always struck me more as the tub bath sort.
i would have ended this sentence after the word gus
Next week
Chapter 2
Lets explore Gus' moles
shewolfnm wrote:Next week
Chapter 2
Lets explore Gus' moles
oooh, i love those connect the dots games
You should haul your ass over to e-Bay.
I sold my miracle tortilla there for $125,000.
You ass should be worth something!
" Penbury........where the devil is he?.......PENBURY!"
"Sorry Sir, I didn't hear you....I was down below, polishing your old helmet"
"Have you read this?"
"Yes Sir, it is from that unusual chappie in the Colonies, isn't it?"
"Found a couple of marks on his rear end, Pembers.....got me a bit worried"
"Would you like me to carry out another inspection, Sir?"
"If you would, Pembers......I'll undress and bend over"
"Right ho, Sir....I'll get the gloves and tongs"
<shuffle shuffle....> "Right then, what's going on down there?"
"It looks a bit grey and mottled, Sir....and has a sort of faded psychaedelic pattern."
"What?...Good grief.....on BOTH buttocks?"
"No, only on the left, Sir. On the other, it informs me that it should be washed at 60 degrees. Hang on, Sir...I do believe you have one more layer of pants to remove"
"Gads, you're right, Pembers....thought I'd removed all three pairs...hang on..."
<shuffle shuffle>
"Well?"
"What exactly am I looking for, Milord?"
"An invitation to the Queens Garden Party...what the bloody hell do you think you're looking for?..
A MARK, Penbury....are there any blemishes?!"
"Only the usual spatula impressions, Sir.....shall I get the tongs and go underneath the arches?"
"Have you warmed them?"
"I shall HUH on them now, Sir. H-u-u-u-h, H-u-u-u-h.....there, they are now a temperature bordering on tepid, Sir. Shall I proceed?"
"Get on with it, man"
<shuffle creak shuffle>
"You appear to have a small mark on both family jewels, Sir"
"Could they be old implement wounds, Pembers?"
"No, Sir....the left jewel has what appears to be a profile portrait of Queen Victoria, and if I could just turn the right one round, Sir...."
"Gently, old boy"
"Yes Sir, ......the right one appears to be some writing....I can't quite make it out....I'll have to twist it round, Sir"
"Slowly now.....argh.....aargh....AAAARGH!.....BLOODY HELL!"
"Nearly there, Sir.....ahh, here it is.....it says....."Made in England", Sir"
"What the....? Made in bloody England?....'course I was. Does everyone have this stamped on their undercarriage, Pembers?"
"I wouldn't know, Sir"
".....and what about the women, Penbury?....where do THEY get stamped?....I shall have to check Lady E"
"Yes, Sir."
"Now.....take off her dress, Penbury"
"Yes, Sir"
"Now her underslip and corsellage"
"Yes, Sir"
"Pantyhose next....come on, man"
"Yes, Sir"
"Now her knickers"
"But Sir...."
"Do it man...do it!"
"Yes Sir"
"...........and don't let me catch you wearing them again"
"No, Sir"
"You can bugger off now....my fear is abated and I can laugh at wotsisnames misfortune with a clear mind"
"Yes, Sir"
<slam>
Re: I just noticed something highly unusual on my ass.
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
What is on your ass?
Nothing, but you can kiss my ass!
I can only add this.
Years ago there was a man who was obsessed with Brigitte Bardot. He thought about her all the time.
His wife wanted to do something special for him, so she went a got a "B" tattooed on each cheek. When she went home she said I have something special for you.
She pulled down her slacks and bent over and said, what do you think of this?
He said, "Who the hell is BOB?"
No wonder your cat looked horrified.
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