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Wed 5 Oct, 2005 01:47 pm
It won't mean much to you members in the USA I wouldn't think, but the members from Canada and Australia will probably know that the great Ronnie Barker died yesterday at the age of 76.
He was most famous for his double act partnership with Ronnie Corbett, during their long lasting TV run as "The Two Ronnies".
He then went on to star in the comedy series set in Prison called "Porridge" (his co star was Richard Beckinsale.....Kate's dad).
Ronnie was a comedy genius, and will be sorely missed.
Of all the sketches performed by The Two Ronnies, my favourite sketch had to be 'The Hardware Shop',..... commonly called 'Four Candles'.
Here are the words and actions for that sketch:
In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.
CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.
(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie hat)
BARKER: Four Candles!
CORBETT: Four Candles?
BARKER: Four Candles.
(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)
BARKER: No, four candles!
CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!
BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!
(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?
BARKER: Got any plugs?
CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?
BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.
(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)
CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?
BARKER: Thirteen amp!
CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!
(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)
BARKER: Saw tips!
CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?
BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.
CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?
BARKER: 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's?
BARKER: 'O's.
(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hoe back, and gets a garden hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! ....'O's!
(He places the hose onto the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of ladies hose from beside him)
BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!
CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!
(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)
CORBETT: How many d'you want?
BARKER: Two.
(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)
CORBETT: Yes, next?
BARKER: Got any P's?
CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn't you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the ladder already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?
BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!
CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?
BARKER: I'm not!
(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)
CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?
BARKER: Got any pumps?
CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!
BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!
CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Must tidy up in 'ere.
(He puts the pump down on the counter)
BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!
CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!
BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!
CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?
BARKER: Washers!
CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?
BARKER: 'Alf inch washers!
CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers?.............
A very funny man.
Just thought I'd enter this as a little tribute to him.
A brilliant duo. So sad he's gone. My dad has a bunch of the shows 'The Two Ronnies' on DVD but the European DVD doesn't work over here. Would love to have a bunch of those old shows to watch again. Same with Morecambe and Wise. Loved their show too.
Bring me sunshine, in your smile.
Bring me laughter, all the while.
In this world where we live, there should be more happiness.
So much joy you can give to each brand new bright tomorrow!
Make me happy, through the years.
Never bring me any tears.
Let your arms be as warm as the sun from up above,
Bring me fun, bring me sunshine, bring me love.
Bring me sunshine in your eyes,
Bring me rainbows from the skies.
Life's too short to be spent having anything but fun.
We can be so content if we gather little sunbeams.
Be light hearted, all day long.
Keep me singing happy songs.
Let your arms be as warm as the sun from above,
Bring me fun, bring me sunshine, bring me love.
Bring me sunshine, in your smile.
Bring me laughter, all the while.
In this world where we live, there should be more happiness.
So much joy you can give to each brand new bright tomorrow!
Make me happy, through the years.
Never bring me any tears.
Let your arms be as warm as the sun from up above,
Bring me fun, bring me sunshine, bring me love.
< AHEM >..OOPs.....edited, as I just reaf the bottom of your post.
Sorry.
Okay I'll edit my post too ... can't ream you out now!
I did edit and apologize, Heev old girl. It's just very surprising that you have even heard of these people. Your Dad has great taste.
Were these comedy duos ever on TV in the USA?
Em No. I'm from Ireland. Only bin in the U.S. 10 years. So I used to watch all these great shows - Morecambe & Wise, The Two Ronnies, Only Fools and Horses, The Generation Game .....
Loved 'em.
Ireland? I THOUGHT you had a more "home grown" sense of humour!
Whale oil beef hooked!
Ah yes I do get some strange looks in meetings as I guffaw and make sexual innuendos - apparently Americans don't find that acceptable (too bad). Looking forward to all-day seminar tomorrow in which I am doing a small presentation to a roomful of suits. Have my 'break-the-ice' jokes all ready to go. Whoo-hoo.
It is Ireland's loss, methinks. You are one funny emu.
and if you're lookin to beef hookin I'd give the missus a shout
Now Gus would have loved these guys - they could have been pals of his.
Sorry to hear the sad news. "The Two Ronnies" aired on PBS here in the USA, a few years back. We get to see a lot of British shows including: "Are You Being Served?", "Absolutely Fabulous" and "Pride and Prejudice" with the hunky Mr Darcy, just to name a few.
They also did a great "Newsdesk" sketch during each show........
Ronnie Barker
"Good evening! It's wonderful to be back with you again, isn't it, Ronnie?"
"Indeed it is. And in a packed programme tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks it's better than sitting around doing nothing."
"And we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with The Hatchback of Notre Dame."
"And we had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion."
"But first, the news:
The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack."
"West Mersea police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms."
"Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred "Chuckles" Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence."
"Latest on the bullion robbery: At Wansforth Police Station, a man who's as deaf as a post, and doesn't speak english, with a terrible stutter, bad breath and squeaky shoes, is not helping the police with their inquiries one little bit."
"At London's Heathrow, senior customs officer Seaforth Mumbly retired today. He shook hands with passengers passing through the customs, and confiscated a gold watch for himself."
"There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue (Tax) office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done."
"The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."
"Finally, it was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy."
mucho laffo m'lud
hope you sock it to 'em heeven.
Barker was a strange man in many ways. Brilliant on the stage, extremely reserved in private.
The four candles sketch is mrs steve's all time favourite.
"tip off" you're avvin a larf aintchya?
Love those boys.
Used to watch The Two Ronnies at home with the hamburgers.
He will be missed the most by the UK residents I think, The Two Ronnies were/are a national institution!
colorbook wrote:Sorry to hear the sad news. "The Two Ronnies" aired on PBS here in the USA, a few years back. We get to see a lot of British shows including: "Are You Being Served?", "Absolutely Fabulous" and "Pride and Prejudice" with the hunky Mr Darcy, just to name a few.
And, "Keeping up Appearances".
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