Signs of adult possibly abusing adult daughter

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Six years ago I met a biological son I didn't know existed from a short relationship I had 51 years ago in another country. He was adopted as an infant and grew up in the US. I'll call him Joe. He lives in another state and I went there to meet him. It was a very awkward visit with much strange behavior on Joe's part over my 3-day visit. He married young and divorced and has 2 adult daughters. The younger daughter has borderline personality disorder; the other is a lawyer (I verified this) I met his younger daughter, now in her late 20s and she is clearly on the spectrum. She also had twin sons from a sometimes violent past boyfriend. Joe told me his lawyer daughter hasn't spoken to him in years but offered no explanation of why and I didn't ask. The last conversation we had the day I returned home we were talking about football and out of the blue without me asking he said "my older daughter accused me of molesting my younger daughter, can you believe that?" I just said wow and that ended the conversation. He was answering a question I didn't ask. He said he would give me a call when I left. Months went by and he never called. I was happy to not get involved. There were many other red flags before, during and after my visit I won't go into to keep this short. Months later he started sending late night, I suspect alcohol fueled texts venting about how unfair his life has been which I didn't respond to. I'd sent him info a few years ago on how he could see if his biological mother was still alive via DNA. The last text he sent 2 years ago was chastising me for having unprotected sex with his biological mother when I was 19 years old. I then blocked him.

Am I justified in believing he may have abused his daughter?

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@Danberg,

At this point in your own personal histories, what could it possibly matter?

There are only four ways this can go. None of them are great.

Let's say the answer is yes, and not only are you justified, but he really did perpetrate such deeds. That's horrible. It's also a few decades too late to do too much about it. I doubt you'd have standing to go after him even if there is no Statute of Limitations or there is a window to open up cases decades later, as those windows are generally just for the victims to pursue.

If you're justified but you're wrong, then you're in a position where you've got a hunch but you're just plain incorrect about it. Want to spend the rest of your years feeling guilty about jumping to conclusions and being overly judgmental? Knock yourself out.

Or maybe you're not justified, yet he did the deeds. Again, the (probably) only person who could go after him legally is the younger daughter. Which she may or may not want to do at this time in her life. Unless she is utterly incompetent, she will have a say in whether to bother pressing charges now. Inserting yourself into the middle of that is unlikely to provide any positives for you or benefits for her.

Or maybe you're not justified, and he's innocent.

Not every question we have in life has to be answered.

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@jespah,

Thanks for your reply. I have arrived at pretty much the same conclusions you cited as has my wife every time I start to feel a tinge of guilt for walking away from him. She was with me when we went to visit him and saw the same things I did. It was never my intention to bring my suspicions to anyone's attention. I just want to feel okay about my choice to not make him part of my life and hear it from someone who isn't a friend or my wife.

I don't have a law enforcement or professional psychological background. But I am 71 years old and have interacted with many people in my life. More often than not, my intuition about people has been accurate. I can usually detect when one is being deceptive. Joe has been convicted of domestic violence in the past possibly involving his first ex-wife. He's also been convicted of communicating a threat via electronic means, several DUIs, numerous traffic violations and petty larceny. As of six years ago he had a large debt with the IRS for unpaid taxes and a mortgage foreclosure. This information came from a PI background check I paid for after I met him. In several of his angry texts he implied threats towards other people his younger daughter was involved with but not directed at me. So there is a pattern of anger, violence and poor life choices.

Thanks again for your reply.

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