I believe I’m in a abusive marriage

Some context. I’ve been married over a year. I have caused problems with lying about nicotine pouches and hiding them. Being deceitful about them. It’s been ongoing. I also have some bad behaviors like self deprecation. Why am I not good enough? Why do I always make bad decisions. My frustrations lead me to say hurtful things sometimes that I don’t mean. With all that being said what I’m posting below are in person, texts, and phone calls between my wife and I. Looking for honest opinions and possibly psychological views on these situations. I’ve been told in every problem I’m causing it and 100 percent it’s my fault. I’ve taken blame, acknowledged it, apologized for it, tried correcting it, but whenever I bring up things she has done wrong I’m pointing fingers and not accepting responsibility. I’m childish, not a man, not a grown up. Most of what’s below is based off words being said verbatim, others what I can recollect, and some of my own thoughts. I believe there is manipulation, gaslighting, verbal and for sure physical abuse. If you read this in its entirety thank you and also thank you for your comments. God bless.
Saddest thing. My issues are easy fixes but I’m far from maturity and commitment
No where near ready to be a dad
Showing what kind of dad I am and it’s not good enough
You simply helping to make a baby doesn’t make you a dad
I’m being a person a dad protects his children from
Her mistake thinking I’d be different with Daylon than I was with Kami
“I’m sorry for not treating you better”
Her: that’s a lame apology. See how far that takes you
I impose my shitty attitude around my family. I bring down the house. Force everyone to deal with my behaviors. I wreck **** the moment I come through the door.
here in convo I’m Struggling finding my words
I’m not right or good for them. I refuse to be so
Her- “I used to feel sad for you but I think your shitty attitude as of late. I feel good leaving you because you’re an asshole”
Me- “Simple solution to being an asshole is not to be an asshole”.
Not putting in the work
I’m stopping when she says to stop. I spiral out of control
She is Not going to be a part of my obsessiveness with being a dick
The truth will always remain. I’ll always feel bad about how I’ve treated my family. I’ll move on but never feel good about it.
She never should have spoken to me again after I said I was going to cross boundries ( viewed as a threat)
I tried retracting that statement after it being said. Actual point - I need to be better so the boundries can come down.
I not only shouldn’t have said it but I should’ve apologized for it and not been vague about it right away.
She felt like hitting me for saying I was going to cross boundries
You don’t tell your wife that let alone a pregnant wife
I’ve treated her worse than I’ve treated anyone else on this earth
No reason to stay married to me or give me the time of day
This family needs peace and reconciliation
Needs a different version of me
I wrecked my own version of who I needed to be
Me- “ I would be doing myself a disservice by stepping aside”.
Being selfish, can’t force myself in anymore. Only option is to step aside or be forced aside
They need to get a lot done in the next few days.
I only get in the way of those things
When that was being said I didn’t offer to help clean up, offer an apology for leaving such an emotional mess for her and Shane to clean up, had to be prompted.
I’ve wreck every event
I’ve created a puddle of poison and an obstacle course for them with my behaviors
Not including me in these things anymore
Needs me to stay away
Sleeping in the living room on the floor, in the garage, being put outside. All of that didn’t get my ass in gear to fixing things
I only kept making things worse
Turning grace cards into poison
Out of chances
“I need to be something for this family”
Even in that statement I’m being selfish

Not going to speak to me for a few days. I’ve been poison and imposing and harassing. Not been anything.
I apologized for not offering help, offered help but was rejected because I was needing to be prompted to do so when it was brought up.
Calling me back soon and if I don’t offer anything of value then I can’t be apart of this family for the next few days

Call

We’re not good for each other,
Ill care for my family. Clean up the messes I’ve made. Be a benefit for my family
Her- you’re not capable. We both know your not capable
Me- I am capable and I’m going to take care of my family
Her - what family is that
Me- the family we’ve created. You, Shane, Daylon, Bratry, and Daryl
Her- well I created Shane, I’m creating Daylon by myself, I’ve got no problem taking care of Bratry. I can take care of all of this. I’m strong and can do all of these things
Her - love, kindness, all of that is a grace and not going to be given
The only reason for her not taking care of herself is because she’s dealing with my problems

I’ve been coddled my whole life. Using the word help like it’s a task.
My silences are lack of commitment
I’m offering to be a benefit to my family, clean up the messes I’ve made
Her- how do you expect to do that when I’m not going to let you do it
Me- I don’t know
Her. Then you don’t have anything to offer
I came home last night and didn’t put God in our marriage, home.
I’m being the woman in this having to be prompted
Her. - I’m afraid of being alone and it’s only the threat of losing them that I act
I’ve lost them as a family. I don’t have a wife and child and a son. We don’t make love.
She graced me with the last two hours of being on the phone. I was a asshole stating she should’ve been sleeping at 6am
Being a douche with my pleasantries in tha king her
Her- I just want to be loved by someone.
My parents failed me and I failed myself even harder
I never meant to have a kid like this again
Ashamed she did this. Regardless gonna make it work.
Me- that’s all we ever want for our children
Her. You don’t know anything about that.
She’s truly ashamed of me. Treating a pregnant wife the way I did. Forcing her child to be around a person I am.
Gonna find love. First thing is to get rid of the thing holding her from it. Me.
Me: What is true love to you?
Her- and with that stupid ass question I’m going to let you go now

If I want this to work I have to work by myself till I can be someone she can trust
Made it clear she wants to move towards separation
Her thought of being United ended when I broke my vows
She only sees us as legally married
Wouldn’t associate herself with someone like me.
Not gonna answer questions that are common sense and I should already know
Do what you can do and if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work
After her getting upset and storming off and locking the door to the garage. She texted saying she was sorry and that she couldn’t do this tonight. Her patience was exhausted. I took that as I need to leave considering she’s told me numerous times today I wouldn’t be staying in our home if they were there. I suited up to go riding and asked to check Honda panda for my gaiter. She said she would check then when it wasn’t there I walked back to my bike. I came back to find her leaning on the back end of Honda panda not saying a word but moving away if I got close. She finally walked back inside and texted me if I was all loaded up.
I said I am but I don’t want to leave. This is where her Shane Daylon and Bratry are
For her children to be safe and sound. Says they’re not when I’m around
Shouldn’t have crippling anxiety opening the door and me coming in.
I was supposed to protect them
Hurt them all the time. So good at hurting.
She keeps trusting me and I’m not trustworthy
She says it’s not a feeling. She knows she can’t trust me
Says I don’t have the stamina for me earning trust back. Doesn’t want to put her children through that time period
Needs to feel safe for one night. Needs to take care of her babies
Told her to do what she feels is necessary.
Selfish decision
Not taking into account everything
Not considering everyone else
If I have to let you go tonight then I have to let you go forever
I have ugliness in my heart
It’s not manipulation. It’s protective
I’m capable
Wanting me to keep saying promises cause it’s the right thing to do

Me being here shouldn’t have never been about the cold. I shouldn’t have brought it up
Had me out in 36 degree weather for a few hours. Having to make a promise to not break boundries. Then make more promises to make sure to keep our kids safe and protected. Then keep promising it. Then when I get to the house to promise it and also be sure to stand at the door. When I wasn’t at the door when she opened it a crack and not seeing me there she shut it and I had to repeat the process.

1/6/24

She called and told me I have to do things her way or leave this family.
I cannot put myself first anymore
Put her first for once
I have to do things her way and have to agree on that without knowing what that way is.
I weasel my way in and use her and leave
Needs to promise things
I have been an absolutely awful person
Get rid of the monster side of me
Need to stop leaning and pushing on her
I’m responsible for where her mind is at.
Talk to me about what going on in your mind
She’s not safe with you. Can’t be vulnerable with me, cause im awful about it.
Toughen up and hang in there
Forced her to live with an enemy
I’ve identified with a monster
She can’t live with me anymore. I have to change. Can’t do this to her
Promised her I’d change. Said to make it instant
She’s really angry with me. Been angry for a long time. Could’ve been with someone who didn’t do these things to her.
I apologized for the deceit, lies, and neglect
She needs my sorry to carry through
I’ve really hurt her Shane and Daylon
Can’t lean on her. I have to fix this
Me- I understand.
Her- deep breath. “I need to go”.

1/10/24
Talked about painting the room. She said first thing we need to do is pick a day to paint. I said the first thing we should do is get measurements of the room. She said we pick a day then everything else will follow. I agreed and she asked what my aversion is to figuring out when to paint. I said I don’t have any and let’s start figuring it out.
She said David and me were taking it over ( we’ve had one conversation about what all is needed and what all goes into painting a room).
She said I’d get it if I shut the **** up for 10 seconds and just listen.
I said she was being sick with how she’s acting in this situation
Said I’ve had weeks to figure this out and I didn’t start it and she made other plans and since I wasn’t being a part of the family is why she made other plans
Then I texted David and wasn’t letting her be apart of it
I told her she was being a dick. She said that’s not how you treat your wife. Being a poor husband and asked if I wanted to keep saying she was a dick. She said she wasn’t being a dick. Was being truthful. Claiming I have hurt feelings. That I’m acting out due to a Lloyd ego
Phone call

I was saying how I want to resolve the problem so we can focus on other issues. She said she can’t talk to me when I’m being like this and she is clocking out from me the rest of the day. Then when I was speaking to her, she was trying to interrupt me, and then when I finished, she said it’s hard for her to speak when I’m talking over her. When I pointed this out, she said she didn’t want to talk to me the rest of the day and hung up
next phone call
I she said, how are while I was talking that if I didn’t stop, she be forced to hang up on me and because I chose to continue speaking I was speaking over her
she said how she’s brought up this painting a couple different times and I haven’t been receptive. I asked her in what ways was I not being receptive. She said that she was not going to explain it to me anymore and then I just need to figure it out Explaining things to me like I’m a little boy. Then said I’m going to let you go , Bye!

I feel as though she’s conducting and promoting her bad behavior with justification. She was interrupting me while I was speaking and claiming it rude that I didn’t stop talking when she told me to stop.



12/11/24
Text from Daisha

I watched you cross boundaries all of yesterday up until past bedtime. I have learned with you and I’m going to hold on to the things I’ve learned with you. My grace cards have all been stolen and I’m not giving any more to you for quite some time. You have so much work to do.

I’m going to take a much needed break from you (aside from urgent or emergency situations) and spend today without communicating with you. I’m tired of you being so awful to me. I am going to be growing this baby, spending energy on Shane and Bratry and focusing on the Lord.

I hope that today is the no turning back point for you, but I’m not holding my breath. You do you Daryl ✌🏼

Called at 12 noon. She asked if it was urgent or an emergency. I said yes. It’s about our marriage. She asked bout my counseling session and I apologized for being a jerk and also said it’s not right that I do that. She said she wasn’t going to do this while I process it all and thought that me calling it was going to be urgent or an emergency. Asked if there was anything else. I said not that I can think of. She hung up.
1/12/24
Anyone would understand why I’m doing what I’m doing. I don’t care if you understand.your apologies don’t last very long. It’s hard to embrace you when you have two different personalities. I could say it just to make you feel better but that’s all it is.
I’m not looking for that.
I think you have been. Pushed her to accept my apologies.
Anything else. You’ve got five minutes left. Let go bud.
I’ll tell you what I need from you in regards to painting Daylons room.
Impatience with what im saying
I say I’m a flexible person
Your insane for saying that
You have a serious mental block if you think that about yourself. It’s seriously insane for you to say that.
We’re moving on. Anything of relevance?You’ve got one minute dude!! Come on.
I’m not successful because I don’t listen to her. I don’t stop when I need to. So resistant.
Has your life been functional for a family?
I’ll answer that for you. It hasn’t been.
My life is functional and you’re resistant to my guidance
Im not successful because I’m acting like a bachelor. That’s why you’re constantly on the outside. You’re a failure. Haven’t gotten it right. Not even close. So you go ahead and figure it out on your own.
(I said I’m figuring it out on my own because everytime I ask her questions she tells me she’s not going to mother me or coddle me and that I should already have it figured out.
You idiot. Never did God say to do it on your own. He puts people around you like your family. You’re an idiot.
I called back. Her- No, you go figure it out on your own! Hung up
She called back saying she saw that I called.
I’m being obsessive. She get the entire picture. She asked if there was anything else to talk about. I’m an incredible obsessive compulsive person.
There is absolutely nothing more I need to understand. I know what’s going on. Either you’ve got the magic solution to this or I don’t. I’m obsessing over the things that are wrong. I know I’m detail everything that is going wrong. No one else is going to figure it out better than you.
If I have complete control over my marriage then everything is now done.
I’m a jackass. I’m the problem and I lost my family along the way.
I need to acknowledge a huge chunk of these problems are my immaturity, my lack of self discipline, theatrics, dramatics, self self self
I said that even though your right most of the time you’re not always right and what you think is right isnt always right
Kept telling me to stop with the drama
( I feel as though since she most times believes she is right. It doesn’t always make it right”.

phone call
Get a ******* grip and it’s my job and duty
Losing my family
Get my **** together or losing them for good
Will not join me till I get a grip
Stop asking and demanding that she comes through
Never come through for Shane or this family
I’ll be exactly where im at
Will be childless and wifeless
Never be a full time dad at this rate
Wasting the gifts god has given me
Spoiled mentality
Man up. Be strong enough to carry the burdens
Sorry it’s heavy but it’s all my ****
Suck it up cause they’ve had to carry it
Owe Shane and her vows and to stick by them
That’s the ultimatum. Get a ducking grip by tonight. If I don’t stick to it I lose them
Won’t have a slacker in the role of husband and father
Came in and asked if I could speak to Daisha. She replied with “Shane will be out here in five minutes “.
After he came and sat down I opened in prayer and asked if they had anything to say before I started. Daisha said just start.
I looked at Shane and started to say that I’ll always respect his mother. She stopped me and said it was a lie and to get her myself and that I didn’t plan out what I was going to say and to take five minutes. That it was sad that I didn’t write anything down. I took a few minutes and came back to say vows to Shane. After I went to talk to Daisha and she said there was no passion and it was disingenuous.
Shane agreed. Then Daisha started telling me that I’m the problem and solely me. This family meaning her shane brat and Daylon all have each others backs but I did not.
1/13/24
After coming home from meeting with the Steven minister, I came into the living room, where Daisha was. Shane was in the bathroom. I asked Deja what I could do for her today. She said she would not be speaking to me alone anymore. I’m waiting for Shane to come out and then said that if I was going to impede on their time to pause the movie that they were watching. Then when Shane sat down, I asked them what I could do for them today neither answered, said I brought weakness and darkness in with me that they would not be answering any questions, and that I have the answers. Even if she gave me the answers that I would do the complete opposite. She said that I ruined their peace. I argued that it wasn’t completely ruined, and they could still have their time together. She told me to leave and not come back until I have it and spare them the drama and theatrics.
I came back and said I’ve got it figured out and what I need to do. I was asked what’s changed and why this time it will be different than the others. I couldn’t give any reasons other than what I’ve expressed in the past. In what way can I describe to them how much I truly want and have their best interests at heart?
She asked me to give her a time limit to talk. I said 10 mins, then after not making any headway she gave me 12 mins. Again no headway. Very resistant. Told me she’s given me chances out of obligation. How’s she’s figured out how to care for another human being.
I was asked to leave then hounded about leaving the house key. I was reluctant at first but eventually gave it to her. She was saying if I didn’t it would make things harder on her and Shane and they’d have to leave. I then left to get something to eat 2:05pm.
Texts from Daisha

Swat was on our street yesterday lol
Believe what you want.
Thank you for leaving the key. I don’t like that you can come and go as you please and that Shane and I are vulnerable. We needed protection and you just harass. You also promised not to cross boundaries while you had the key in possession…..that was a lie. You are someone who constantly makes us uncomfortable….a person who carries those characteristics shouldn’t have access to us.
I’m tired Daryl. You are truly a disaster when it comes to doing anything the right way. I don’t think anyone in your shoes can expect people to last with him. You were not pushed away….you abandoned us a long time ago. We are just choosing not to settle anymore.
You are begging to hear me say there’s a tiny piece of me left in this for you….I can only say the truth which is that all that’s left of me in this is purely obligation.
I feel sad that you’ve chosen to scramble and panic instead of do and be what is necessary. There is no compromise left here. That is something we can no longer grace you with.
I really am sorry that you are struggling so bad.
I just can’t be who you lean on anymore. Your lean is too heavy and toxic.

Nothing here is being decided on wants….it doesn’t matter what either of us want. What matters is what is best for all of us. And I’ve done massive assessment of that and endless prayer.
So….let me know when you plan on coming back. If we are still uncomfortable, then we will make other arrangements to not be here.
You are not right in your mindset. You haven’t been for a long time. Being a man for the family looks completely different. I’ve had plenty of examples to confirm that. And I’ve spoken with the Lord to confirm it.
None of my decisions are lightly decided.
Called me
Said I have no right to question safety with her. What was said at that time
“ I’m going to close the garage door then cause they still haven’t found that killer”.
Me- “ they caught him a few days ago. He set for a trail.
Her- that’s someone else.
Her- Never call me a liar especially when it comes to safety
Okay. I won’t question it.
Her - not okay
Not okay
You’re a fucktard- might not be the exact thing she said
Me - no no. I won’t stand for that
She hangs up
Calls back
I don’t have any love left for you. I hate your guts. Im done. Hangs up again.
Her being very dramatic. Signing her words to me. Laughing.
I said you have never acted like this when we’re in front of people.
Hahaha I agree.
I said that I care about her and she needs to find someone to talk to. A counselor or someone.
Not with you!!! Anyone you recommend I won’t take seriously
Okay. Let’s talk to your parents about everything
Not gonna talk to them with you
Fine. I’ll talk to them and explain everything
No Shane and I will talk to them before you then you can tell them anything you want.
I don’t plan to stop being an ass for a very long time. If you want to be in this you have to deal with that. I’m doing this cause it’s fun. Said in a Childish voice.
At Shane’s game.
I told her I’m of two minds. Part wants to quit and the bigger part wants to make this work. She said to only knock on her door with the part that wants to stay.
1/14/24
She woke me up at 1 am. Said it’s not working and that I’m not working. Asked what i would do in her shoes. I said love the person where they’re at, pray for them. She asked realistically what I would do if I were her having to deal with a neglectful spouse. I said move on. Then she said since we’ve been together I’ve ruined her connection to God. I said we could pray for that. She said I was bringing in darkness and evil. Then said I was being a dick. Got up and went to her room. After 5 minutes I went back to apologize and she lashed out and started hitting me. Then I lost my cool. I said I would grab the blanket and pillow and start sleeping in the spare bedroom/ Daylons room. She said is this going to be your room now? I said yes. Daylon can sleep with you and you can tell him how badly I treat you and how you like to treat his father like **** and hit him. She told me to get out. I said no then videoed a section. I said she assaulted me and she hit me again. She told me to take off my ring and I threw it in the kitchen, Then I said I want a divorce and she was the devil. I started trying to grab a shirt from our closet and she was forcing me out. Then kept harassing me to leave while I was grabbing things. Then said she wasn’t feeling right. I stopped and poured her a glass of water and put it on the nightstand. She got out of the bathroom during that time and then started saying to leave for ten minutes and come back. I said I was leaving for good. She locked me in the garage. Opened the door then asked me to take off my jacket. I said no and she went back inside.

Texts 1/14/24 2:30am

Can you please take your jacket off so we are at the very least on the same level of comfort?
And can you please put your phone on the dryer so I can put both of our phones inside? So that there is no more threat.
Or somewhere where your phone is not anywhere you can threaten me with it.
Please?
I’m going to take video or audio of any conversations from now on
It’s not a threat. It’s for my own personal safety.
And you can put on a jacket or let me inside and we can sit down and talk
Daryl. There is absolutely way I can let you inside right now
If you need to be inside then I will pack up Shane and myself right now no problem
I’m going to bed
Jackets off. Let’s do this
It’s ok. Never mind.
Don’t have all night. Let’s go!
You got your way.
For real. Never mind
Not my way I promise
Just a way for us to both be vulnerable and have a vulnerable conversation
No recording. Jackets off. Being vulnerable
I see that nothing is going to get better
I officially give up completely
Not when you’re throwing fisticuffs and leading in anger
What’s different this time?
I don’t even know what you’re asking. I told you. I give up. Truly.
What’s different this time about you giving up completely then the other times?
Because I offered vulnerability….no walls…and it was denied. So my walls are up solid now. I give up. It’s different because it just is.
We both want out and to be done with each other. We are finally on the same page. So I give up because why fight against what we both already agree upon.
Can I ask you something?
Yet you don’t get that you hit me, triggered me and won’t excuse the fact I need some time before that can happen
Do you care to know what triggered me? Or does that not matter to you? It’s totally fine if you don’t want to know.
That’s fine. I said take 10 minute’s because I knew you needed time and we both did.
I will give you more time
Yes I would and I also want to know how talking about praying over your journey with God was darkness.
How much more time do you need?
15 mins
Same stipulations?
Now what?
I gave 15 minutes. Is that not enough?
Let’s talk
Clearly you were sleeping
We can just be done with all of this and not talk.
Not sleeping. Was sitting in this chair then got up and was doing jumping jacks to stay warm. Took off my jacket again
Follow through. Let’s talk
Daryl. I can’t come out there though. You understand that right. You told me you were going to record me from now on. I feel threatened by that and it makes me really uncomfortable and only makes me want to push you harder. It’s not a good idea for me to be around that.
I said I’ll agree. No jacket and no recording.
I’ll put my phone in my carharts
Can we turn phones off?
I really thought you were going to be vulnerable with me. Instead you showed me that you are better than me and worth so much more than me.
Always gotta get hung up on things. Don’t worry about me taking the layers off to be even. It’s the fact I didn’t do it before you came out of a 68 degree house
Im going to unlock the door now. I beg of you please to give me a couple mins to get to the room. And please please please don’t go back near Shane’s room. Please.
Okay
I’ll be going to church in the morning so I’ll be leaving at 9am
Before I do this….is there anywhere else you can possibly go tonight? Is there anything at all you can do to relieve us of being under the same roof?
Sure. I can find a place
I don’t know if you care at all or not….but you’ve truly broken my heart
Just need a few things
I do care about that. Could’ve talked to that rather than making an issue of why I didn’t already have my shirts off
You’re not hearing how much it hurt me
But that’s ok
It was an issue…it hurt me to see that you are still better than me and worth more than me
You saw with your own eyes I was taking off the layers to be equal
I just wish you would’ve been vulnerable and ready….
It’s ok though
Really
I understand there is no chance of recovery here
I hear you on that. I know now that’s what you were wanting
I asked for vulnerability the first time I called you before I even gave 15 minutes
It’s ok. It’s all in the past now
There is toxicity on both ends and it’s only my end that ever gets brought up
Let’s move on.
What can I do for you now? Within reason of course.
I’ll be vulnerable with you right now. I’ll take off these layers and meet you in 3 mins
Do you want to grab your things yourself or do you want me to grab them?
It’s ok. Daryl I can’t do that. Im too broken now.
Okay. I’ll grab my things then
Ok. Are they things in the bedroom?
Should I just go outside? Or in Daylon’s room?
I don’t care
Ok. I’ll go in the spare room. Will you let me know when you are leaving?
After tonight, there will be more no more arguments or guilt tripping. Only things regarding the process of moving on.
It’s ok. I won’t talk to you. I promise. I’m stepping out of the way.
To let you know. I don’t care for the reasoning why you hit me. It’s that you hit me. Brought me straight back to Shane’s birthday when you said you were sorry and you’d get help with your anger. And based off your logic you lied since you’ve never gotten help and you’re not sorry.
Are you still going to let me know when you’re leaving? I need to come out soon.
You told me we wouldn’t be discussing anything.
I’m trying to keep to my promise on that.
Why are you heartbroken?
You can come out. I’m in the garage now
It’s ok. I will wait til you leave.
I don’t want to risk hearing or seeing you leave
Just please tell me when you are
Im not strong when I see it happening. That’s when I start to call and text and “guilt”
This is me staying self disciplined
Seeing the time. I’m gonna stay in the garage. You’re safe. This family is safe. Come lock the door
Im not ok
I said we can talk tonight.
Tell me why you’re not okay
I’m receptive
Now she’s in the spare room crying and not responding
I said there are no monsters out here. Only a person who cares about you. Please come out and talk to me

I’m going to bed now
Thank you for trying
I understand there won’t be any more discussions/arguments/guilt tripping. And that our only discussions will be regarding moving on. I am letting go and I’m going to let God carry us both. You have my word I will not discuss anything with you unless regarding moving on.
I’m sorry I told you I wasn’t ok. It was a cry for help and I understand we can’t help each other anymore.
I understand why it is no longer my concern or business of your whereabouts and that map sharing won’t be happening anymore.
I understand that all conversations will be audio recorded or videod for your safety.
You asked me what was different, and I promise you with all that I am…I am really letting go this time. That my heartache and pains will no longer cripple us. I am truly setting you free. Moving on. I have God helping me hold my word. I’m sorry I didn’t let you go all the other times.
I said we can talk tonight about any and everything. Things need to get better and resolved now. I wasn’t in the right state of mind following what you did. What you did hurt me mentally and I became defensive. I went about things wrong when i said there would be no further discussions and only towards moving on. I would like to take that back. God should be at the center of everything and drive our decisions. Don’t be sorry for telling me you’re not okay. I can and want to help you. When you blocked me you also took your location off. We agreed that we wouldn’t share each others location and when I asked you to turn it back on you didn’t. I acted hastily after what you did and I will turn my location back on and I’d like it if you do the same. I will not be recording our conversations. I would like it if we have civil conversations and respect each others positions, thoughts, and opinions.
Your heartaches and pains aren’t a hinderance. They need to be talked about in a comfortable and safe environment. There is a lot of hurt and it’s time to be together and for those to be treated with love and kindness.
Your walk with God is most important and however I can help you achieve what you need I will do. Small groups, finding women’s groups for you, Christian counseling, praying for you. Whatever is needed.
Almost three days without incident
1/17/24. 1030pm
Tonight wasn’t good. She started opening up to me about how I was falling asleep on the couch while watching This is Us. Not viewed at as quality time together with me falling asleep. Not stepping up and leading because I didn’t take charge and say we should go to bed. I never step up and everything falls on her. This is where it became more about the things and ways I’m not coming through rather than the issue of not taking charge and going to bed. That She has so much going on everyday and I’m not doing anything.im not taking care of myself. I don’t eat right, im not healthy, I’ve lost weight. If I can’t take care of myself how am I going to take care of this family and our baby? I became a bit defensive and that didn’t help matters. She eventually told me to leave her alone, went and grabbed a pillow off our bed and laid down on the couch. About 5-10 mins later I came out to talk about things and her response was “ why aren’t you in bed yet”? I left and she was saying things nonchalantly and I said” why are you still talking”? I was being a jerk. Point I was trying to make was if you still feel like you have more to say then we can continue the conversation. Then I went to bed.
1/18/24 7am
Called but no answer. She called back and I asked her if she’d be open to talking about last night. I told her I wasn’t caring enough about her feelings and being selfish. My main problem is she mixes her feelings with being what’s right. She is frustrated and said she’d call back after she drops Shane off.
She called back
Forcing apologies. I wanted to feel better. Told me a few times I was going down the wrong path. Didn’t change that. Her view. I knew I was being resistant and chose to keep doing it and being a dick. I’m brat and hard to deal with. Wasn’t into that kind of behavior when she was a teenage girl.
She doesn’t see manly qualities in me. Sit in my teenage mindset. Daylon won’t see me as a man. She says she’s saying the hurtful truth. Barely started being a husband and am even clocking out of it. I fake manly qualities. I don’t want to hear it from the person I want to be with. That I turned into a drama queen. Don’t have to stick to this. Don’t have to be attracted to you. Shown last night and told last night what I was doing was wrong. Losing interest. Can’t use and now and accept her to just go with it.
She reiterated today that she doesn’t need anything from me. I find flaws in that. When she is vulnerable. she clearly needs to listen and understand

1/22/24
Called and had a conversation early on this morning about how I’ve been slacking and that our Subaru needs an oil change and light maintenance done. She said she was frustrated. I told her I’ll do it today and stop putting things off. Spoke with Patrick and he said he could do it today since I’m at work. I reluctantly agreed. She spoke with him and then told me he’s got a lot going on I said I do it again and do it tonight. I explained that I need a jack and jack stands to do the tire rotation but did so poorly and it frustrated her. She said we had Jack stands and I said where? She started giving me attitude about it and we started fighting. I attempted to get it back on track by saying I’ll get the tools and do the oil change tonight. She claimed I was spazzing all over the f-kin place and taking us off topic. Then calling back and forth with her ignoring what I was saying. Then these texts

-You’re not a grown up. I made a mistake thinking of you as a husband
-I am not going to tolerate your drama today. I have things I need to take care of urgently. I called you to talk about that and your focus does not have an ounce of maturity to it. I gotta handle stuff today unfortunately without your help…per usual.

That’s where you are wrong. I said I’d get do the maintenance on barubaloo tonight. You’re choosing to invalid my statement, and go your own way about it.
You’ve been upset since this morning cause I haven’t gotten it done for the past few weeks. That’s valid and I should have done it by now. You felt that your dad has too much going on and I agree. Also it’s unfair for him to step in while his son in law is slacking. I agree. I said I stop slacking and get it done today.
-Daryl. I’m sorry I can’t do this with you today. I told you I have urgent matters here. I’m not going to tolerate all of this. I’m not reading your texts. I told you I called to talk about the urgent matters and you won’t stop with the drama and being selfish. I gotta take care of this now. I’ll call or text when necessary.
I’ve tried calling her 7-8 times but no answer
Phone call 2 pm. She finally called me back asking me repeat why I’m obsessingly calling. I said cause I thought you were ignoring me. I’m calling cause you said you’ve got a lot of urgent things to do today and I’m wondering what I can do to ease that. She said there is nothing I can do. I’m not taking away but adding to the stress. Women need their husbands but her husband is busy being a bitch instead of a husband.
2:42pm. I called and we were talking about my behaviors. I broke down and said I’m an idiot, why do I always chose wrong. 10/19 times I chose wrong. That’s something she’s said to me before. She was picking up Shane from school and told him that I’m back on it again. I heard him chuckle. She said I wasn’t mentally right. Bout 15 mins later she said I needed to pull over cause I wasn’t mentally stable to drive. I kept saying I was fine the whole way to my next stop. That I just had a small breakdown and I pulled myself back together. She said I didn’t have a breakdown. It was my behaviors. I said again it was past and I was fine. She kept telling me to pull over. Then she said either I’m a gigantic asshole or I’m mentally unstable. Then when I said I was neither she said I was an asshole and hung up. I called back a short time later to say that I had pulled over and took extra time in thinking she cared.
She laughed and hung up

-Your drama never ends
-So glad you’re better lol. Thanks for calling to tell me so
Just thought you wanted to know. My mistake.
-Lol
Was calling you back to say how sorry I am for putting all that on you. It was unfair what I did.
*Lol. Priorities. You first. Thanks for letting me know you’re good.
-No ******. I will not call you in urgent matters again. Lesson learned
Piss off
You’re right you did call me. And I talked about oil and tools needed rather than addressing the urgency
-No. What you did was talk over me, mock me, and say “oh I thought we don’t say ‘can’t’” I had to repeatedly say “Daryl, Daryl, Daryl, DARYL!!” Trying to tell you that I had something going on in that very moment and needed you to shut the **** up. But no. Selfish ******* Daryl never stops. Leave me alone. For real back the **** off!
I was being disrespectful in that moment. I ruined things
I’m sorry for not stopping. I’ll back off.
-What I need is a detox from your exhausting behaviors.

Said earlier in a text that she had urgent matters and I said that we don’t use the word can’t as she kept saying my name numerous times
She texted me about urgent matters at 11:22 AM. I called four times. 11:23 AM, 1124, 1127, and 11:42 AM. If it was so urgent then, why didn’t she pick up? Also, why isn’t she holding herself accountable? Why is she saying I’m not reliable in urgent matters when she’s the one that doesn’t pick up?

I find myself talking to you condescendingly cause that’s required. This is not a wife role to cater to my ******* sanity. Same when we dated. Same when we got married then I became insane. Honor my mom’s name. Be better than she raised me better. She thinks I’m insane all of the time. And she feels the need to constantly look over me cause I’m not sane. That I need to be safe cause I’m insane. I was told to grow up be safe and sane. Because of my outburst, I’m never sane.