Family Situation, not working, need advise

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Engaged. We have 4 children (2 her biological 14 and 15), twins (ours, 2 1/2). We all live in an apartment together. I pay all the bills and give her spending money despite her having built a business for herself over the last 2 years where she makes reasonable money.

Since she was pregnant issues got worse. Now they are really bad. She constantly disrespects me, is not patient, understanding, quick to anger (not just with me). Yesterday she walked around our place talking to a friend about me on the phone saying nasty things in front of the children (this is just a taste of how she is).

I would like not to deal with her and I would like to gain custody of the children. I know as a man this is hard to do, but I do well financially, etc. I am wondering what anyone's opinion might be on what my next steps should be. I believe she is looking for an apartment.

Should I cut her off financially? For instance, she uses my card to shop for groceries. I can buy food for the twins and myself and have her deal with everything else.

Should I separate our phones. We have them all on one account.

Should I look for a home in a good school district to enhance my custody chances?

I'm thinking if I cut her off, I will have less time as it will influence her to move faster. I am worried she can find an apartment at anytime and take the kids, to which I can't stop her and I have to work so I'll be distracted.

Any thoughts?

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@Tunn,

I'd advise getting a lawyer.

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@Tunn,

Yes, what Mame said: consult a family attorney as soon as possible before you cut her off financially.

You probably won't get sole custody of the twins, but you definitely can aim for joint custody and who knows, you may get them for longer as time goes by. Your fiancee has already 2 children she's supporting, she may be overwhelmed with 4 kids.

No matter what, don't buy into her anger and disrespect, try to solve this as amicable as possible. She's the mother of your children, no matter what !

Good luck!

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Thank you both for your advice. I will try my best. I wish I had chosen a better partner. This is now so difficult.

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@Tunn,

Don't think in those terms - you got two beautiful children out of it!
Just make the best decision for them and yourself now!

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@Tunn,

The trouble could be depression or postnatal depression. Has she sought out medical/psychological service about this?

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@Tunn,

When she's on the phone, what exactly are her complaints about? Are you participating fully, as a husband and father?

What kind of step-father are you? Do you take an active roll in raising two children who aren't yours? Ok, what about your children, how are you raising them with her?

You say that you "make money" but is that where your participation ends?

You do realize the best scenario for the children is a 50/50 legal and physical custody arrangement. Why do you feel you deserve 100%?

Quote:

I can buy food for the twins and myself and have her deal with everything else.

Why are you so antagonistic towards her kids?

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@neptuneblue,

Quote:

Why are you so antagonistic towards her kids?

The most important question of all.

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@bobsal u1553115,

I don't agree. Where has he indicated that he's antagonistic? Just because someone says it, does it mean it's true. That goes, especially if the person saying it doesn't even know the people involved. It's just yet another ugly, unjustified assumption this person makes without any real basis of facts.

For all we know, the father of her two children is paying child support, and marrying her does not mean this guy has to pay for her other children. Did he adopt them? We don't know. We don't know anything about them because we don't know them or their situation or agreements. We need facts, not assumptions.

She's working for a living but keeping all her money because he pays for everything. How is that antagonistic towards her teenage children?? If they have phones, they're on his phone plan because he pays the phone bill. He's paying for their food, he's paying for their shelter... how does any of this indicate an antagonism towards her children? I think he's been fabulous and she should count herself very lucky.

Imagine your partner walking around the house talking on the phone disrespectfully about you in front of you. That's absolutely disgraceful and reprehensible. Definitely this guy needs to consult a family lawyer.

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@Mame,

You're being absolutely ridiculous. You throw around assumptions as well, yet you think you have the right to bash another poster. The bolding is really comical too. You don't know the people involved either. You don't have facts, just assumptions on a one way conversation a person posted.

What I know to be true is a woman doesn't complain about a man when he's doing dishes. Or laundry. Or vacuuming. Or the thousand other things that need to be done to make a household of 6 work. He says he pays "the bills" yet doesn't clarify what bills, how much they are or her contribution that gets unnoticed and undervalued. Since you're never received Child Support, let me tell ya, it almost always never enough for two growing children.

You didn't find it strange OP didn't specify what she's saying?? I do. I thinking there's a whole lotta truth to what she has to deal with. But no, just continue to think this woman is "disgraceful and reprehensible" WHEN YOU DO NOT KNOW HER. There, there's some capitalization to counter your bolding!!

I asked questions in order to receive clarification on the post. I'm not going to advise seeing a lawyer UNTIL there's a basis for doing so.

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