Is there any hope after the affair?Can we go on?

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Married for 12 years,three children,I found out by accident that he was having an affair with an escort.Seemed pretty in love actually.Of course he said it was a mistake,never will happen again.We agreed to move on but he wasn't completely honest from beginning,and I was discovering new stuff every other day.I discovered messages with women from years,telling them he loves them and he wants to be with them.
He promised he will change,that he will spend time with the kids,and not on his phone like usually.
He didn't change.At the moment I am going through depression,he pretended he gets it but did nothing.
More than that,at this point he has 3 phones,two of it I never see,they are in the car.The one home he keeps it by him even in the shower lately.I asked for it once,he gave it to me than after a second he grabbed it from my hand.
That moment was very clear he is hiding something.
I am at the edge. I want out bur our kids are still small they will suffer from this, real damages.
I can't even talk with him without a fight. Is he going to be always a cheater?Even if he swears that he has nobody...

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@Jeannnnie,

Your kids are going to suffer if you stay together, particularly if it's obviously for their "sake".

Why?

Because at some point they will get older, and put it all together.

That's a helluva lot of pressure to put on a child or two.

A suggestion (IANAD) - get a therapist and go to counseling. Together if he'll go, alone if he won't. And get some emotional tools for moving forward. If he won't change, and he's clearly hiding something, then staying together is a fool's errand.

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@Jeannnnie,

1. Why would you want to stay with someone who obviously has commitment issues? He has been disrespecting you for years and would likely do this to any woman he is with. He is not for you. Get out and on your own. Even if you have to go on welfare, it's going to be better, mentally and emotionally, than living with such disregard and disrespect.

2. Leaving will be the best thing for your children. Their dad may or may not be in their lives, but they won't be learning disrespectful behaviour.

3. Don't even think about finding another man. One - most won't want to take on 3 kids, Two - you need some time to readjust your opinion of yourself, and Three - you need to figure out what you're going to do with your life. Spend time with loved ones, read some books, play with your kids, cook interesting food, make your life about you, your kiddies and your friends and family. It can be extremely rewarding.

You married a bum. Realize it and get over it. We all make mistakes - don't beat yourself up about it. Just Move On.

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@jespah,

Thank you very much,is good to know I am not the crazy. I am in a hole but I didn't lose my mind completely like he wants me to believe.

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@Mame,

You say finding another man?? No way! The trust I put in this man and the disappointment I had,I never want to live again. I just want to raise my children with sanity, and health. Thank you very much for answering me!

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@Jeannnnie,

There are good men out there (and some on here, for that matter). You never know what the future holds. I bet if you are 'friends', as in real friends, with a guy or two you may change your mind. There really are lots of lovely respectful and kind men in the world. Good luck with everything and get a good divorce lawyer. He has to support his children.

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