I think someone i care about might be getting love bombed

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I have huge concerns for this lass I care about a whole lot. She has gotten involved with a guy, who has made me a bit wary with things i was told he has done

Within a couple of dates...he had:

whisked her away for a weekend break in a hotel.
declared he loved her after 2 dates
Had turned up at her work, unannounced, with his kids in tow.
Has asked her about living with him
Stating he wants to take care of her.

Then they split up around August. He didnt leave her alone. Bombarding her with texts about his love for her etc.
Since then, they got back together. The girl in question told me she got back with him, as he had been persistent.

I discovered the term Love Bombing a few months back. I investigated this and the above behaviours, are apparently tell tale signs of a love bomber.

Now, here is where it gets complicated. Me and this girl have chemistry. We met on tinder and we hung out. Over time, i grew very fond of her and she would tell me, she would have dated me. BUT, just when i was realising i had feelings for her, this guy came on the scene.

So yeah, i have to tread real careful here. She knows i like her etc and if i aired my concerns, it could backfire massively and I could lose her completely.
We have remained freinds, despite there deffo being a certain something between us.
I have been thinking about this situation all week. My plan is just to continue being a freind to this lass, but keeping my opinions to myself, unless asked for my input. I think i just need to keep my distance, but somehow, try and monitor the situation.
This lass was in a toxic relationship for 12years, not so long ago. I dont want her falling for the same **** again.

Happy to listen to any advice, especially from the female perspective.
(ps, had this been one of my male pals, i wouldnt think twice about airing my concerns, as i couldnt be accused of having an interest in the relationship failing). But i guess, IF i was to air my concenrs to this lass, she could easily and understandably accuse me of trying to stir **** up.

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@LoveMonkey,

Do you and this woman have a mutual friend of any gender?

If so, then tell them—and see if they get the same vibe that you're getting. If it's this obvious, then they most likely are or will. Presumably, this woman will be more receptive to the same message from the mutual friend.

If there is no mutual friend, dang, I am not sure what to say apart from pointing her toward literature on the subject so at least she's warned. But it can be very hard for people to break away from that.

Love bombing is often a prelude to abuse (of course there's an exception out there somewhere, and IANAD anyway) so make it clear that you are saying this out of concern for her safety and nothing else.

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@jespah,

Hi jespah. Thank you for your reply.

My freind is from lands far away. She has no family here. She moved over here with her ex husband, who was apparently a a narcissist. He sounded lke a real control freak. She left him after 12 years and decided to stay in the area (Im super pleased about that, or i would never have met her)
Hence this is why i fell so protective of her (and the fact that i admit to having feelings for her, which are kept completely seperate. They dont affect our friendship at all, not that she would be aware off)
So yeah, this is what I am like about people i care about. I am hugely caring....i cant help it. BUT, (hopefully) I manage to keep things drama free.

And no, we have no mutual friends either.

I think, if the subject of her relationship comes up, i would air my concerns....stopping short of accusing the guy of love bombing. He might well be a good guy, who is full of good intentions, who does silly things at times....a bit like myself haha.

But even the fact that so far, my freind has told me this guy is so placid etc....well....that apparently is another tell tale sign of this Love bombing. The evidence is stacking up...but does this mean anything at all.

Im gonna be right here, monitoring the situation, stealthily....so not to upset anyone. As i say, i dont want to rock anyones boat, unless i know for sure.

This is something i really would be happy to be wrong about....coz at the end of the day, my friends happiness does mean a lot to me. As is true for the small circle of people in my life.

But yeah, i just really needed to vent i think. This situation has been getting to me.

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@LoveMonkey,

It may be a case where this person seems to be heading towards control and manipulation . This is how some people can act when jockeying for control. Quite a lot of attention in a very short time should make your friend stand back a bit.

The fact that he showed up at HER WORK announced with his kids seems disturbing. It is quite unclear what the circumstances were but nothing short of an an emergency should have allowed that to happen.Did your friend send him away or admonish him? Poor judgement for certain.

There’s enough material here that you described that seems more than problematic. Lastly, His declaring his love after 2 dates should be a sign to her that there’s something serious to be concerned about.

However, all that you wrote gives you a crossroads as someone who can offer advice. If you advise her against this guy, You might be looked at as biased, at the very least. You may need to do so, regardless.

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@Ragman,

Thanx for your reply. It is very much appreciated.

As far as this guy turning up unannouced at my "friends" work....yeah....i think it freaked her out a bit, as did some of the other things. I know she still has concerns about him, She told me last week.

All these things he has done might be innocent enough, i really hope they are, for my freinds sake. I know for sure, im prone to doing silly things at times, with the best intentions at heart. So......it does happen.
Its just that about 7-8 things i have been told he has done, are tell tale signs of Love Bombing, according to the info i have seen.

i am 100% making sure she is safe, but im doing it remotely.
Im not about to sit back and let anything bad happen to her. Just the other day, she told me she is falling for this guy. Lets just hope he is deserving, as all she wants is someone to love and be loved back. She really is one of the most genuine people i have ever had the luck to meet.
Hence why i value her so highly.
Sadly tho, she is also a bit vulnerable. I dont mean that badly...but she is so trusting etc.

Im just going to continue doing what im doing, being her friend, being there if she needs me, but also, stealthily keeping a tab on this guy.
Im more than up to that task!! Smile

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