Don't know how to deal with this.

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Everyone looks down upon me. They're always saying cruel things when I'm "not" around. I constantly get reffered to as a "loser" and I know I'm not a person who fails, so I'm pretty sure that when they say that they mean socially. I get so frustrated because no matter what I do, I'm the bad person. I don't even have to speak and others hate me. It's instant.

I was at a grocery store and didn't speak, my family was paying for their stuff at a cashier. The moment we were leaving another employee came over and the cashier said" I know why you came over here." And glared at me and looked back at him. I try to joke with people and they won't joke back, they'll talk to me in a dead "I don't like you" " get away from me" type of voice and their expression of happiness fades into forced happiness. They just don't like dealing with me.

I know they talk about me, judge everything I do, my appearance, EVERYTHING. They'll say that they "don't like me" or "hate" me. And everyone says this and does this to me. I've had people call me ill and say that I was paranoid, but everytime I go to a dr.'s office, I hear them talking about me and I want to cry. I am NOT thick skinned. Most of the stuff that is said about me is either assumptions or things they say purely to be mean and stomp me out.

People are so mean to me and I get really angry at them. I don't know where to even put this anger, but most of all upon hearing them speak badly about me, I get really scared and want to cry.

How do I deal with this? Has anyone else gone through this. There may be a possibility I might be autistic. This has hapenned to me since I was very young and I did nothing at all.

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@CandleCutter77,

Go to your doctor and get tested for autism. You'll have answers and you may be able to get treatment or at least a plan.

As for the rest of it, I suspect you just haven't found your tribe yet.

Let us assume, for sake of argument, that you're into My Little Pony. Whether you truly are or aren't (or have never heard of them) isn't the point; this is just for illustrative purposes.

If no one around you likes MLP, then no one is going to want to talk to you about it.

But you're lucky to be living in this time period, because there's a whole wide internet out there. There are FB groups and websites dedicated to MLP. I'm certain there's at least one wiki.

There may be conventions, even if they're not in your area.

Long story short, those people would be simpatico to you. They are your tribe.

Now substitute Shark Week or the song stylings of Ethel Merman or hiking in the alps or whatever it is you like to do, and go forth online.

Find. Your. Tribe.

It's out there.

But first, see your doctor. You're probably right about autism and confirmation from a medical professional can't hurt.

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@jespah,

Thank you for this well explained response. You're right. I could just be around the wrong people.

I'm going to get on that journey to diagnosis.

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Don't know how to deal with this.

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