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Fri 4 Aug, 2023 07:22 am
The purpose is this post is to encourage parents of kids born between October and December to think long-term when deciding whether or not to send them to kindergarten at 4. Our son has a late November birthday, and when he was 4, all that mattered to us was that he was ready for Kindergarten. We didn't ask ourselves how he would do in high school or college. Thus, we sent him at 4, and he has ultimately been emotionally damaged because of it.
Now contrary to popular opinion, he didn't feel as bad about being the last to get his driver's license as one might expect. After all, it's a hard and fast rule in this country that if you're under 16, you're now allowed a driver's license. Thus, our son knew that his classmates weren't driving before him because of anything he had done wrong; he knew that it was just the law and there was no reason for him to blame himself. However, our son experienced other problems that I'm sure were an indirect result of his relative age. However, because these problems were an indirect result, he had a much harder time not blaming himself for them.
One such example is that he didn't make it into his high school's top orchestra until his senior year, while most of his orchestra friends made it in their junior year. Concerts were torture for him his junior year, as he had to sit in the audience watching his classmates perform some of the greatest classical pieces ever written.
Another example is that he failed Pre-Calculus his junior year, and had to retake it his senior year, meaning he graduated high school with no knowledge of Calculus. Whenever he got together with his friends to study during his senior year, he had to endure the shame of pulling out his Pre-Calculus textbook while all his friends pulled out their Calculus(and in some cases, Multivariable Calculus) textbooks.
But, most recently and most importantly, is that he failed to graduate from college in 4 years. Due to his immaturity when he entered college, he wasn't able to handle as much as most of his classmates, and the result was that he ended up falling a year behind. He should've graduated this spring, but he didn't. It's going to be another year before he graduates and he is miserable about it. These past months, he's had to endure his friends from high school as well as his friends from his first year at the university(including his old roommates) posting pictures of themselves in their caps and gowns on facebook. The moderator of that group, back in June, made a post saying, "Congratulations college grads!" which filled our son with shame. A parent of one of his friends from high school invited them to a college graduation party at their enormous house, to which our son had to gloomily decline. Even though he's graduating next year, the people he's going to graduate with are people he barely knows, whereas most people who graduate from college together have shared the full 4 years together, from start to finish.
I've never heard a parent say they regret redshirting, but I've heard many parents say they regret not redshirting, and now I understand why.
@thtltwatw,
I think a lot of things you are attributing to your son's age aren't related at all. My son is a September birthday and was one of the youngest in his class. He made the top orchestra his sophomore year and was concert master his junior and senior years. He passed his B/C Calculus AP class his junior year and graduated college a semester early. Not everyone is really for college or even knows what they want to do at 17/18. There doesn't have to be a reason nor is an excuse needed. Let him both take responsibility for his own actions and grow up at the speed that works for him.
@thtltwatw,
Working in high schools I have seen both. I have seen children that are young for their age in higher grades be very successful and the opposite. Actually just in the past few years we had a couple of sisters that were three and two years, respectively ahead in school compared to their actual age. Now they were both very intelligent, musically talented and very mature for their age. The older girl just graduated three years ahead and was number 2 academically in her class. She and her sister were top students in band and in jazz band. The one thing though she did not go to prom and some of the other senior events due to her age in part. Although this was not important to her.
I have also had students fall behind that were pushed ahead; this is typically due to immaturity more often than academically.
I think the important thing is to talk to your son about this. The overall important thing in life to complete things in your time and not compare yourself to others. Look at this way, there are likely students/kids his age that did not even attend college. Each child is different and the more important thing is to do things in the individual child's time line and what works best for them.
Your son should be commended for continuing his education especially considering it has been difficult for him. Praise him for his fortitude and perseverance in pursuing his degree. These are traits that you do not learn in school and will serve him even more than finishing six months or a year earlier.
However, overall I agree with you. It is in most cases better to hold a child back than to push them earlier. There are always exceptions to this, but for most children, I would suggest holding them back rather than pushing them ahead.
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