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Hard to find decent friends these days

 
 
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 04:15 am
I have a few select friends that I speak to. When I say a few I mean about 3.
Nothing close tho. I don't have a bestie like back in college.
I'm pretty much a loaner. And that's okay with me. I enjoy being alone. I lived alone for quite a few years and enjoyed it very much. My house was always clean and I only had to cook for myself. Sure I didn't have any one to talk to about personal things but I survived.
Sometimes I feel like I am better off alone again.
No one to fight with. I am too old to invest time into a new relationship. If I have to start again I would prefer not to get attached to someone else but it will hurt to lose them.
I feel like my husband is the only friend I have right now and I have a hard time being completely comfortable with him. I hate to say it but he is a two Faced person. I hate to say such about my better half but I feel as though he sticks a knife in my back every chance he gets.
I try not to let it bother me but it is hard to hear someone say I love you and you turn your back and the blood is running down your face.
Bummed.
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 314 • Replies: 8
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PoliteMight
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 05:25 am
@Coconuts75,
When you get that "Decent" bs out of your head only then your friend will be your friend and not a commodity.

You gotta stop worshipping fear. The world is topsy turvey. You have good people suffering while bad people thriving.

Two parents who sleeps around but stays together are not good parents. Especially those who pretends it is okay. I hate and hate friends who see me for what is in my wallet. Like those bankers/tellers at the bank. See the look on their face once they realize you have more money then they have.

I play the puaper and could care how many friends I have.

You work against me or you work with me.

This little-red-hen is not playing this that "Feed me" bs.
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Coconuts75
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 06:40 am
Good point. Never really thought about it that way
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neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 06:54 am
@Coconuts75,
Does he hurt your feelings intentionally? Is he aware how you feel?
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Coconuts75
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 03:27 pm
Unfortunately he is aware. Sometimes he intentionally hurts me and half heartily apologies come later.
I put him on a pedestals. Then when I see the true him I'm in shock.
A totally different person than the man I'm in love with.
I see from time to time that he isn't perfect but that's okay because who is. I'm definitely not at all.
I wonder though what he would think he would think if he seen a side of me that hurts him?
He can be so sweet and considerate when I am with him but I turn around and leave his presence and things change.
He is my best friend but damn it is hard to be open and honest with someone who isn't totally open and honest with you.
I have never cheated on him and I have never put myself in a situation where cheated is an option.
I don't even imply to another person that I have interest in pursuing cheating or interest in them.
I have a 70 year old man that I talk to all the time because he is unattractive and way too old for me.
Safe if you know what I mean. I am not attracted to the person, I just enjoy his perspective on life and he gives good advice.
I am not interested to talking to other men my age especially attractive men.
If I do talk to others it's people without a face.
Someone I don't have a opportunity to bond with.
Because I won't allow myself to get close to others because of the drama and possibilities of trouble they may cause in my relationship.
So I'm kinda stuck in a rock and a hard spot.
I can't open up to my therapist because I am a very private person. Always have been. Always will be.
Secrets are just that.
Now I have a husband that I can't cry in front of and obviously can't be myself around because he is two faced. Although I love him very much. I have seen how he has done to others and myself in certain situations and that he can't be trusted with my heart. It's hurts. He's the closest thing I have to a best friend, but he does things here and there to remind me that he isn't quite who I think he is.
It's my fault for assuming that he was perfect.
I will get over it or maybe I will just stuff it down until he Twists the knife.
It's my own mess. I'll get over it sooner or later I guess.
I just wish people were trustworthy as they were 30 years ago. It was easier to find friends and mates who were more genuine back then.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 04:26 pm
@Coconuts75,
Why would you go to a therapist if you can't open up to him/her?

Friends are whatever you want to see in them and perhaps you're asking too much of a friendship. Sometimes meeting for a cup of coffee and talking about
every day life is already enough to enjoy the other person. If you're looking
to confide in a friend, have a close relationship with them then you need to open up to them as much as they would. Judging from your writing, you're not willing to open up to others, then an superficial get together should be sufficient for you.

As for your husband, I don't now what to say - if he intentionally enjoys hurting you, stabs the knife in your back the minute you turn around, the relationship is flawed and since you can't trust him, it's a doomed situation. Trust is the first and foremost requirement for a successful marriage and if I can't trust my partner there is no use for me to stay in a relationship.

I gather from your post that you're middle aged, you should know what you want from a marriage, a relationship and out of your life. You either act on it or you remain with the status quo. The choice is yours!
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Coconuts75
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jun, 2023 08:37 pm
Thanks Jane. You exactly right.
0 Replies
 
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jun, 2023 06:08 am
@Coconuts75,
You know you don't have to carry that cross with you everywhere you go. You can just stop dragging it around pretending it's helping you.

You start thread after thread over silliness and expect some grand epiphany to be thrown your way but that isn't what you want either.

The issue here is you don't really want any help, no solution to any of your problems nor even a friend to bounce conversations to and from.

You talk about being open and honest but you're the first one to NOT do that with the people in your life. What's this whole thing about cheating, anyway? You doth protest too much. Can't tell a therapist secrets? Lol! Ok, why not? You think that a licensed, experienced person who gets paid to listen to people actually knows less than you?

Trustworthiness? Yeah, that's earned, not given. Start by being genuine and maybe influx some change into your life and see if that helps.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Jul, 2023 05:09 pm
I've been looking for indecent friends. On the QT, of course.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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