Aftermath of Affair

Hi all,

I had an affair and I ended it abruptly. I know it sounds cheesy but I never intended for it to happen and I'm married. To be honest I tried very hard to push her away but she kept pressing and eventually I caved in. We never got physical to the point of sleeping together and a lot was very emotional for me.

I cared about her a lot and still do. We were both married when it started and we met at work. She has kids while I dont. I was looking for a fren and someone to open up to but it developed. I even tried to sit her down and tell her we should br frens before something else happens and things turn ugly, not allowing us to be frens anymore. After speaking to her for 30 mins on this, she stood up and just told me she would win me over.

You see, I have a lot personal baggage, having lost my mom tru suicide many years back and she filled my void more than my wife could.

She eventually went tru a divorce and asked me to be with her. I couldn't leave wife because I do care about her and I do not want to hurt her. My wife had a heart surgery years back and her dad is sick parkinsons. When I said I cant, my AP said she would want to have another kid with her ex hubby and also date around.

A few weeks later, her ex husband came looking for me and asked me to back off. I obliged knowing I cant be with my AP and I didnt want to put her in a difficult position with kids involved.

I ended things with her the next day and she hates me to the core now. She's blocked me from all social media and what's app.

I still dream and think about her.

I hope I won't be judged here and I know its my own fault for getting involved in things like these.

I was wondering how anyone who's gone thru this has dealt with it. I've gone for counselling with both my wife and alone by myself.