Straight defunct man on wild sexual healing journey

I am on a wildly confusing journey with my sexuality. I identify as, and am a straight man. I am very masculine in personality and physical appearance. I have been in love with women and one of my greatest desires in life always has been to have proper female sexual relations and children. I love real cute feminine girls. I love getting their attention and affection, and I would love to be a father. I never could feel that type of affection or desire that physical contact with a man. What has stopped me pursuing female relations has been sexual dysfunction and my body's incapacity to become hard during intercourse when I go to bed, or to become properly aroused at the sight of tits and clits- I do desire it, but it is more that I feel something is psychologically holding me back. It has been hugely frustrating for me when I meet girls that I like, and that like me, that I could not seal the deal. I did not, and still don't feel it is right to dump all this **** on a good girl and expect her support towards resolution. But I could not even masturbate at all until I was 23 and could only become aroused by strange fetishes like braces on teeth and trainers. There are a number of potential root causes of this as I had a crazy mother who over interfered in my life, which I intend to work on with a sexologist and tantra practitioner. However, recently I have been talking to men on free cam sites and notice myself becoming aroused and jerking off in front of them. I don't feel attracted to them per se and never want to see more of them when they ask. I think it is just a step on my healing journey of the body trying to respond to some stimulus, and just an anonymous avenue that I can get more comfortable with what has been a totally dysfunctional body up to now and receive empowering compliments, without judgement or the anxiety of whether or not I will be able to perform with women given all that has been. I had a lot of social isolation growing up and wonder if having such a strong desire to have a woman and kids inhibited my ability to relax and just to let it happen? Even if I was gay or bi, I would still be physically able to have sex with women like all the gays who have children- I can't. In spite of the strange reactions, my instinct still knows that I am straight and will come round yet, and that this is all just a simple functional issue trying to fix itself and plateauing at this point. But in time, I believe that it will heal completely. But some of the manifestations have been mental turmoil in context. My goal is simply to sort myself out and enjoy good sexual relations with females.

Would be good to hear a few thoughts on this,