I have a huge crush on someone that dm my cousin

SOOO

I hope people will not judge me because I know it's silly but whatever.

I have a huge crush on someone I never talked too. Yes, so the crush is only physical but there is this attraction I feel torward him and to be honest I have the impression my heart race a little faster when I see him but maybe this is only in my head.

From what I see in the outside and my personnal stalking, he is perfect and the man I searched all my life. Let's put aside the fact that he may be the most handsome man I saw in my life and the first time I saw him I tought that I finally met the man God sent to me. (yes I believe in God and the universe and ask a lot for signs and when I saw him I felt like God sent me a sign).

He is also Indian and from the good region and religion too, I'm Indian too and wished to marry in my culture. He seems to be the perfect ratio between Indian and westernized like me. He seems to come from a good family too.

Well, from here you understand that there is only fact about the outside and nothing about the inside of the boy. It's true, I have no information about his personnality, he seems nice but maybe he is a red flag and a perfect asshole. I have no idea, but I'm rather optimist and hope he is a nice guy, and I'm trying to not made up a personnality of him to not live too much my fantasy.

Here is the problem, I saw this man several times, I succeed to find his insta because I saw him by perfect hazard on the story of another person.

And, I saw something, he followed my cousin and commented her tiktoks.

Let's talk a little about my cousin before everything else. My cousin is one of my favorite people in the world, my best friend and was always a part of my life. We just have one year appart so we grew up together and spend all our summers together I talked everytime. I love her with a sincere love. The fact here is that she is dread drop gorgeous, I'm not exagerating, everyone with eyes can say the same. And, me aside, I'm nothing. To be honest I don't think I'm ugly but I'm fat and not that pretty either. This is a little hard but everyone in the family always compliment my cousin when I'm just next to her and receive no compliment or sometimes they tell me I'm pretty too but just because they say it a minute before to my cousin and I feel that the compliment is not genuine (of course they don't forget to tell me I should lose weight to be better). But, what can I do, they're right, she's perfect.

And so, let's continue the story of the little boy (not that little he's more than tall). I talked about him to her because she is my best friend. I decided, even if it was hard, to tell her how I feel. So, I was honest and told her I saw this man several times, but after stalking him I saw that he commented her tiktoks videos (he was saying she is pretty blabla). I tried to be honest but I didn't tell her everything like he is the man of my life probably or things like that because I have some pride too.

I just told her it is not easy to be the cousin of someone like her because it feels like even if I want to marry in my culture it seems like every man in my city have already slide in her dm (not the first time I talked to a indian guy and when I show her a picture she tells me she already talked to him one day). (I didn't tell her that I have pride I said).

The moment when I told her my problem was a few months before, telling her what just a way to help me forget him. Yes because I just gave up, I didn't know him that well and just saw him 3 times in 10 days. just coincidences. I didn't want to have a crush on someone I never talked too I was not that dumb. He stayed In a little corner on my mind but I continued to live my life. I never saw him again for a long time.

But, saw him again recently. Let's make a little resume of when I saw him again. I saw him for the first time since months in a nightclub, the problem was that he was not alone, he was with a girl. So, funny, I told myself I can completely forget him I don't want to be the girl who try soemthing on a man who is in couple. What's more funny, I saw him 2 days after on tinder, I bug when I saw him on the app. I was like, okay maybe the girl was just for fun (and that's fine). I swipe him right but he didn't do the same as I saw it...

After that, I saw him on day on particulary, the 14 february (Valentine's day as a reminder). The eve of the day, I picked a tarot card (yes I'm reading tarot) for the valentine's day just for fun. The card told me to watch around me signs, I was like ''Whatever, cards always told me things like this is not this important but I can open my eyes and warch around me if you want to''. And,,, yes this is what you think. I saw him. To be precise, I talked a lot in my head to the universe and God in particular and ask for signs like I said. When I was in the area when I saw him a few times, I ask god to let me see him if he is the man I'm searching. And, yes I saw him after that. I didn't know what to do.

After that I saw him this Tuesday too.

The problem here was that after I saw him this tuesday, I decided to be bold and do a yolo move. I wanted to ask him on insta and sent him a dm. I wanted to try it all and be rejected so I can move on. Because yes, after a saw him on 14 February he was always on my mind.

I didn't know what to say to him and didn't even know if I will really try something like that. But I decided to talk to my cousin. I just told her I saw the man several times, and I don't know how, I understood that it was not just commenting on the tiktoks (like a lot of men do to her) but she actually talked to him. It was the final blow. I decided that I can pass after her and slide into his dm after her (I have pride) and EVEN if he replied, he will see the pictures of her and I in my insta and understood that he is talking to the cousin of the girl he tried to seduce.

I tought it was the final blow, I tought it was enough to make me forget him. After all the story with my cousin, the fact I saw him with another girl, the fact he didn't match me on tinder, the fact he never came to talked to me when he saw me. All of that should be valid reasons to forget him. I tried to, I didn't succeed.

Did I say I'm not ttaht pretty and fat and that his style seems to be the pretty girls that met the standards of the society like my cousin ? And that he is out of my league physically ? I say physically, because I'm more than agree that physical attraction is important in a romantic relation. And there's a lot of chances I'm not his type, but maybe I am ?

If he just don't like plus size girls I can't do nothing about it, but if he go a little further, I know I have more than enough qualities. And know I can make him happy (maybe I'm going a little over myself here)

I'm also trying to lose weight (since a long time but I have eating disorder), not for him but for me but maybe a little for him. It's not toxic, this is another motivation to lose weight.

I maybe want to try something on him even if I know the story with my cousin, I don't know why, there is this weird attraction I feel torward him and too much signs (maybe it's just on my head don't judge). I want to try it all, maybe should I not

The questions for you guys :

- What is you overal feeling over this story ? (don't judge me about the fact I have a crush on someone I never talked to pls I know it's not right).

- Should I try something on him (send him a message) and if I do so should I do it now or lose weight before ?

- And last question, do you guys heve some songs recommandations on my situation ? (having a crush on someone you never talked to). I love songs that go well with my feelings, in example there is Heather (Conan Gray), Belong to you (Taylor Swift), all the discography of Katherin Li...



Thank you to have read me