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What does this sound like ?

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Catsclaws00
 
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 01:56 pm
have become close to a married man who is in his mid 50’s at work , I am 35. He is really senior and very experienced so has become a mentor to me. He isn’t doing it through official channels , but we meet regularly to talk things through from a work perspective (usually somewhere private like an empty office). We have been doing this for around 9 months now , he has been quite silly with me at times and made jokes/ teasing. In the last month we have also been texting quite a bit.. we did before but it was more about when we could meet etc … something seems to have changed in the tone: I am finding myself saying some quite flirty things to him, whilst he isn’t massively flirtatious he also isn’t shutting anything down . I will put some examples in for people to see… most of all I feel a bit like I am coming in fairly strong , it is usually me who initiates texts but he always replies - usually within a few minutes. Some of it is work related and supportive about the issues I am sorting at work . I ask him to call me sometimes to talk things through and he will , he tells me when he can and can’t meet… I even suggested this week that perhaps I should get a new mentor through proper channels as helping me must be annoying and let me know if he doesn’t have time , he said happy to continue . Today we were talking about trust being so important and I text ‘do you think we can totally trust eachother , he replied I think so, I said I think so, I want you to know we can’…. I’ve also been dropping quite a few hints like giving him compliments etc… I’m not really sure what is happening here, on Monday we text back and forth 12 times , today it was 10 … I guess I’m wondering if he is just a really nice man wanting to mentor me genuinely to improve my work prospects or if it sounds like on some level he likes this situation and doesn’t want to shut it down. We don’t discuss his wife or home life but if she saw his phone tonight I’m pretty sure she would not be happy. Please no judgement , just genuine advice and opinion appreciated. Thanks my questions are - what does this sound like and when does something become an emotional affair ? What do you think his game is and why hasn’t he told me to stop with the quite obvious flirting if he doesn’t wish to engage ? Thanks
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 440 • Replies: 16
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glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:04 pm
@Catsclaws00,
Are you interested in having an affair with this man? If not, why do you feel the need to flirt with him or text him so much?
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:05 pm
Knock it off and leave him alone.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:12 pm
@Mame,
Well, she won't be the first person to look foolish in the office over a manager. Kinda stupid isn't it?
Catsclaws00
 
  0  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:15 pm
@glitterbag,
Yes , I want something to happen with him. I am flirting with him because I want him to know that I feel that way.
Catsclaws00
 
  0  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:16 pm
@glitterbag,
He isn’t a manager , he is nothing to do with my department . We have no reason to interact at work at all and people wouldn’t know we are meeting as we don’t tell anyone else
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:20 pm
@Catsclaws00,
Why? Why bother flirting? Why not just go in there and bare your breasts? Or start some phone sex with him? Or rub up against him suggestively?
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:29 pm
@Catsclaws00,
Catsclaws00 wrote:

He isn’t a manager , he is nothing to do with my department . We have no reason to interact at work at all and people wouldn’t know we are meeting as we don’t tell anyone else


How do you know for absolute sure he isn't talking about this 'affair interest' to others. You know what's going to happen, it will be the old story of anxious young person flirts shamelessly with older man and older man is flattered by the semi-sordid attention. People might think he is foolish, but your reputation will not be burnished. I wish I could tell you nobody cares about people flirting with married men or women, but they do.....they just do. Like I said before, I have not one single clue why you want to do this, unless it's just about involving other people in a real/imagined situation.
Catsclaws00
 
  0  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 02:33 pm
@glitterbag,
That was why I said to him earlier did he think we can totally trust eachother… he really wouldn’t tell anyone about this as it wouldn’t look good on him either now for going along with things. Just as I’m confident he wouldn’t be showing his wife our messages .
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 04:32 pm
@Catsclaws00,
Catsclaws00 wrote:
Yes , I want something to happen with him. I am flirting with him because I want him to know that I feel that way.


Why?

What is so inherently wrong with your judgement that you think chasing a married man is ok? You are purposefully trying to cause trouble, make a scene and potentially get yourself fired.

Why??
Catsclaws00
 
  0  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 06:10 pm
@neptuneblue,
No, I’m not ‘ making a scene’ - to whom am I doing that ? This is private interactions between the 2 of us .
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 10:19 pm
@Catsclaws00,
You are wanting to start an affair with a married man from work. There is no way this will not create a scene. This affair will not stay hidden for long and you need to be aware of the implications of the optics.

Chances are this senior manager's wife has been involved with the company's social functions for many years. Other management executives know who she is and have had personal interactions with her. She will have the advantage of despairing your reputation as a home wrecker, which, of course, you are.

That, in turn, will show how you have disregarded not only your career but his too. It will show the current management how both of you have willfully cheated established norms. They'll have to conclude if you can cheat in your personal life, how much can you cheat their business, their relationship with customers & competitors, suppliers and other working relationships.

I'm sure you've read the company's guidelines on work relationships. Your livelihood will be on the line and possible termination will be imminent. He'll get a possible demotion or passed over for advancement, bonus compensation, stock options and other assorted monetary compensation he's eligible for as a senior manager.

You'll cause strife in a marriage, possibly a divorce, alimony, child support and a second home he'll have to afford after his wife kicks him to the curb because he's a lying asshole who cheats with a floozy from work.

All because your whim of sleeping your way through Life sounds more appealing than finding a love interest of your own who isn't entangled in a current marriage.

So I still ask...

Why?

glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 10:29 pm
@neptuneblue,
I guess some women think they are irresistible. Usually they are wrong.
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 10:35 pm
@glitterbag,
She really may be all that and a bag of chips. But chips get eaten and then shat out, flushed away and never thought of again.

I'd like to think OP thinks more of a long term solution than a simple "Let's Get It On" moment.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 10:56 pm
@neptuneblue,
She wants to know if she can trust HIM!!!!!! And then gets online and blabs everything here.......this is poorly thought out.
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Jul, 2022 11:18 pm
@glitterbag,
To be fair, this is an anonymous forum, where private thoughts and emotions can be aired without retribution. Having said that, it isn't free of judgment of right and wrong, which will be pointed out in a reasonable way. The expectation is that advice is free and can be disregarded if need be.

In OP's case, I hope she finds what she's looking for.

Preferably with someone other than a married man she works with.

0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Jul, 2022 12:04 pm
@Catsclaws00,
Catsclaws00 wrote:

That was why I said to him earlier did he think we can totally trust eachother… he really wouldn’t tell anyone about this as it wouldn’t look good on him either now for going along with things. Just as I’m confident he wouldn’t be showing his wife our messages .


You're quite a silly little girl. You can't totally trust him when you don't really know him, and vice versa. Go find someone your own age who's single.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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