Heartbroken over FwB, cant cope

I F(21) dated a guy (31) I met on Bumble for 3 months but he ended things with me because he said he couldn’t see a future with me because of the age difference. We then became fwb. He said we would definitely stay friends when the benefits ended and told me he saw me as a good friend.

I went to his place Monday, we slept together and he noticed I had a new self harm scar. He said he knows its an addiction and that he wanted to help me and that I shouldn't feel embarrassed. At one point while I was there he gets a call and leaves the room. When I went to go pee I heard he was talking to a girl and I heard him call her sweetie and something about her taking the train and Friday. He told me he was on the phone with a friend and that he and his gf found out they were pregnant.He then told he liked me and that we should go do something together sometime like go to a spa or whatever I wanted and that he had to work the next day and wouldn’t be coming home but that I could stay another night if I wanted to.

The next day he left for work and I didn’t stay much longer because it felt weird to stay at his place while he wasn’t there. Later that night I got a bunch of texts from him like “I’m concerned about you” “I don’t know if I can ever see u the same way again” “I thought u didn’t selfharm anymore and I felt like u were rationalizing it” I can’t carry the weight of your emotional state on my shoulders”.I told him I know its not ok, but I slipped up and he then said “Its all okay, I just feel I need a break because I’m heartbroken from it”

2 days later I texted him and told him his sudden change of attitude was confusing. He said he didn’t understand it either. I asked him why he didnt tell me those things when I was there and he said because “it came later”. He then said that he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore and that “ he wants to nurture me but wants to feel nurtured and challenged too” and that I crossed his boundary because I talked to him while I was there when he didn’t want to talk (even tho he was on the phone with someone for like 30 min). He said I should accept his goodbye for now and that these were good terms. He told me to please not message him and that he would text me again if he felt there was a possibility we could be friends,but that I shouldn't count on it and that that was his final message.

I couldn't resist the urge to text and I sent a text saying "Im sorry, but I dont see how these are good terms, u did exactly what u said u wouldn't do, u said we would still be friends when the benefits end, u told me u liked me and now ur ghosting me.." He then said he was blocking me because I "keep blaming him for ****" and that I dont care about his feelings and that we definitely cant be friends after that message. I cant stop blaming myself.I really liked him and I cant cope with the idea of never seeing/talking to him again. He was the only one I talked to and I feel so alone now. I cant forgive myself. I wish I could fix things.