Dealing with feelings of inadequacy. Need to vent

As the title says I'm dealing with major feelings of inadequacy. Yes I an in therapy and my therapist does know everything I'm about to say.

I just need to vent, not really asking for advice or even a comment. But I've found that writing anonymously in a public forum helps me feel better and process.

I'm a 33 year old self proclaimed loser. Former actor that never made a living turned corporate paper pusher albeit its all electronic now.

I'm on my 2 week vacation and I chose to travel across the country. The first days were lonely then I made some friends at a hostel and it was fun. Then my last city my hostel was a bit isolated in that people were just doing their own thing. No problem.

It's only been 3 days in my last city and I have 4 more to go. But my feelings of loneliness are destroying me. I've just been going out by myself every night. During the day I try do fun things like go to a carnival and site see. But I'm incredibly lonely.

I decided to download a dating app. I don't know why but did. To my surprise I matched with some incredibly fun, insightful and beautiful women. 6 of whom actually engaged in a meaningful conversation with me. We were messaging back and forth for hours over 3 days. I asked all 6 out and got ghosted.

Now I understand I'm not owed anything and a conversation isn't chemistry. I understand the issues that fall on women when it comes to dating. I've had girl friends (not girlfriends - never had a relationship) and my sister and cousins describe the horror stories they've experienced with crazy men. I'm aware of all of that and recognize that these women although had a fun conversation with me and seem to be laughing at jokes or whatever aren't comfortable meeting someone from an app after a couple of days of messaging.

For me, this is a first. In my hometown located 3 miles from a major east coast city, I rarely get 1 match a month. So I get that I may have seemed over eager or desperate by asking them out after a couple of days.

Despite knowing and understanding all of this, I feel shitty. I feel inadequate. And lonelier than ever. And have been eating my feelings. Again it's my problem not anyone else's. Plus it's on my profile that I'm only in town for a week. Why would any woman want to meet up with someone that'll be gone in a week? I know it happens with some people but not with me. It's never happened before and probably never will. I'm just not the guy any woman would want to date in general regardless of length of time. And most definitely not someone anyone would want a fling with.

I guess I just liked the attention and it made me feel wanted for a change. And before you say they were "bots" we added each other on IG and they are very real. Reason I say that is because I've matched almost exclusively with bots and these women were not that.

Regardless I unmatched all of them tonight and deleted my profile and the app. That's pretty much it. I do consider this trip as a big step forward in the right direction Despite my impulsive behavior (deleting matches after no response for 24ish hours). Truth is in general it is a step forward. I met some really cool people at a hostel in a previous city and there were at least 6 women who liked me enough to talk to me.

It's pretty low bar for most people but it is major for me. I just need to learn to be better. I don't think I'll ever be happy or ill ever reach any of my goals (social or professional) but I'll keep trying. Even though I truly feel like I'll never be enough for even myself. If anyone reads this don't feel the need to reply. I just needed to vent.