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Girl Trouble

 
 
Sh0w me
 
Reply Fri 13 May, 2022 05:16 pm
In my school right now, there's this girl who I used to be "friends" with. (N) and over the past year or so, she's started acting poorly to me and my friend group. In 2020 we were relativly close and she started hanging out with other people, who me and my friend group refer to as the "popular kids".

Later during 2021, she invited us over for a sleepover, and everything seemed fine despite her wanting to invite two of her closer friends into our friend group while the rest of us didn't really like them that much.
Then this year, she's starting to ghost part of my friend group and has been incredibly clingly to everyone in the "popular kids's" group. One of my friends (J) has been N's friend for several years, and are neighbors. N ignores J when with anyone in the PK's, but when she's alone, she's desperate and wants to talk to anyone, including us.

She also has money from her parents which she uses to buy expensive things, and then rubs in our faces. We have a group chat of our friend group (group of 6) and she's included in it. She never texts unless she wants to brag and show off about something (especially herself) or if the discussion includes her. We can't kick her out of this chat because she can get us all into huge trouble with our school (for alledged bullying).

At this point she ignores all of us unless she needs someone to talk to. (For example during a health class the kids she would usually sit with have already taken all the seats leaving her to sit by herself, or with us. Obviously she acts like we're "besties".)

But what really pisses me off about her is the fact that she is the biggest suck up to parents and teachers. All the kids around her love her and think she's so kind, when she's really just a brat. One of my close friends (L) has recently become super annoyed with her, because L is the youngest around all of us, and thus, the most "immature". N can't stand to be friends with her unless she needs her to be "cool".

I don't know what to do about her. I can't stand being around her anymore, and just wish she'd move schools. Every time I see her, I get somewhat irratable and snappy. There's an upcoming kindness award that our school gives out every year, and this year it seems like the teachers will choose her despite how bratty she's being to me and my friends. (most of us are older than her) Does anyone have experience with how to deal with situations or ideas? Thank you for reading <3



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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 13 May, 2022 06:21 pm
@Sh0w me,
Ah, she's a social climber.

But you're in a bind, as you say. Have you tried to talk to any of your teachers about this? Not to complain, more to point out when she's behaving in a way that doesn't reflect the kindness, etc. that she's faking.

You won't really know how the teachers feel unless you ask one, or at least clue one in. Most of the teachers are likely to be seeing through her nonsense. They all know a suckup when they see one—because teachers see one in pretty much every graduating class.

But there can sometimes be external pressures you don't know about. If her parents are wealthy, they could be leaning heavily on the school to give her an award so their precious darling will have something or other to put on her college applications.

Anyway, getting back to talking to a teacher: it may help you in terms of bouncing her out of the group without being dinged as bullies (zero tolerance is a stupid, unimaginative policy, thought up and enforced by people who have as much imagination and flexibility as they have tolerance). It can help to have a teacher advocate who knows that she's the problem and not you.

You should have the freedom to be able to socialize with whomever you please. While the school may want the student body to all get along so as to prevent fights, this doesn't reflect reality. People are allowed to not like each other. They are allowed to drift apart. And you're entitled to not have to kiss up to someone who treats you like something they found under their shoe when the cool kids are around. I mean, who's the bully in that scenario?

Another thought (although it would take finesse and may be hard to pull off—and I don't want you to get in trouble) is to make it (a) attractive for her to hang out with others and (b) less attractive and comfortable for her to hang with you.

Presumably the school year is coming close to an end so you'll be free of her for a few months. People can change, and maybe she'll stop trying to keep up with the Joneses and realize other folks have value, and not just as last choice ports in a storm when she's got nothing else going on.

One can only hope.
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izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 May, 2022 03:02 am
@Sh0w me,
As far as the group chat goes, why not just start another and not tell her?

You can add the oddnon committal post to the old one so asto make it look like it's still being used.

Give the new group chat a dull boring name, like fans of 1940s central heating, something that won't interest anyone.
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 May, 2022 12:41 pm
@Sh0w me,
Just do your best to ignore her. You are going to encounter people like her your entire life in various situations. You sound like you already don't think much of her so it should be fairly easy.
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