Why doesn't he want to help out my son and his GF?

Forums:
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Many years ago when I first started dating my ow husband he had his own apartment with his daughter. My sons had a place too but we eventually were evicted and had to move in with him and his daughter. His place was already established and fully furnished. We eventually moved into a rental home. I was always uneasy about sleeping on someone else's furniture since that was the furniture he purchased with his daughter's mom when she was pregnant. Here we are some 20 years later and still sleeping on the same bedroom furniture. We finally decided to get some new furniture and this weekend picked out a brand new king sized bedroom set. The furniture store is in another city about 24 miles away from our home and they want to charge us $200 to deliver it. My husband feels that we could rent a U-Haul much cheaper than the store's delivery rate and just go pick it up ourselves for around $100. However, he wants to just get rid of the stuff we currently have.

My suggestion to him was that we just give it to my youngest son and his girlfriend since they don't have any furniture in their place and they are sleeping on a mattress on the floor. They live in a different city from us and the furniture store so now my husband is like with all the driving in the U-Haul that's probably going to cost us around the $200 it would cost just to have the furniture store bring the furniture to us. Plus, my son and his gf live on the 3rd floor and hubby has a bad back and bad knees. He feels that if they want the furniture let them figure out how to come get it. They have been living in their place several years now and the only thing they have is a mattress on the floor in their bedroom, an old love seat someone in the complex was getting rid of. That and a table with a little TV and an Xbox on it. My husband said that if they want it they can rent a U-Haul and come get it. He feels that if someone is giving you something then you need to figure out how to get it from them. Don't expect them to rent a truck and hand deliver it to you. Her suggests we just sit the old furniture out in our carport and cover it with plastic until they are ready to come get it but he then said he doesn't want it sitting out there too long. He's giving them a few weeks and if they can't figure out how to get it he's going to call the city and have them come pick it up and take it to the dump.

Is he right?

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 349 • Replies: 10

No top replies

Personally, I agree with him. With his bad back and knees, and the extra expense, and given that he's giving it to them, they should make some effort. If they don't make the effort, it can't mean much to them, so city dump it is.

Sounds like it's been a few years with a mattress on the floor and it also sounds like they're okay with it.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Personally, I agree with him. With his bad back and knees, and the extra expense, and given that he's giving it to them, they should make some effort. If they don't make the effort, it can't mean much to them, so city dump it is.

Sounds like it's been a few years with a mattress on the floor and it also sounds like they're okay with it.

Yes, he'd be totally happy with throwing it away but my son and his gf are on the floor. I just made the suggestion to give it to them. He's fine with giving them the furniture but he expects them to come get it. They can't afford a U-Haul so while we have it why don't we just take it to them? He says that because U-Haul charges by the mile so it's not just just the $39 rental rate. We now will be charged for the miles to their place then to the furniture store then back to our house, plus the gas we use. I don't see it as a problem whereas he does. He said that people don't appreciate things that are just given to them. If it's not that important to them to come get it then they probably won't take care of it once we get it to them.

0 Replies

@Snowed,

Quote:

My husband said that if they want it they can rent a U-Haul and come get it. He feels that if someone is giving you something then you need to figure out how to get it from them

I agree - if someone wants something you are giving for free, it would be easy to just rent a truck or get a friend and borrow a truck to move it.

Although on the other hand if you call the city to haul it to the dump it is likely going to cost you money.

Another option is to post it on Next door or some other area and say free for the taking - then there is no cost to you.

And to add to your last post - your son and his girlfriend are adults. They should begin acting like that - and if they want this furniture they should arrange to come get it. If they cannot afford it - then maybe they can reach out to some friends or other family that may have a truck and borrow it.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Quote:
My husband said that if they want it they can rent a U-Haul and come get it. He feels that if someone is giving you something then you need to figure out how to get it from them

I agree - if someone wants something you are giving for free, it would be easy to just rent a truck or get a friend and borrow a truck to move it.

Although on the other hand if you call the city to haul it to the dump it is likely going to cost you money.

Another option is to post it on Next door or some other area and say free for the taking - then there is no cost to you.

And to add to your last post - your son and his girlfriend are adults. They should begin acting like that - and if they want this furniture they should arrange to come get it. If they cannot afford it - then maybe they can reach out to some friends or other family that may have a truck and borrow it.

It's not going to cost us anything to trash it and throw it away. Our city has a service that if you have big bulk stuff that needs to be discarded, old refrigerators, worn our sofas or old mattresses you just call a certain number and arrange a day for you to set it out to the curb and they will send a special truck to come get it. Totally free. Again, this stuff is some 26 years old and is worn out, that's why we're getting new furniture. It's not worth selling or giving away on some app for someone to come get it free. That's why I offered it to my son and his gf. Hubby doesn't mind helping them but he doesn't want to have to always be the one to pay for them. He says just like we can rent a U-Haul to go get our new furniture then they can rent a U-Haul to come get this used furniture. My thinking is that he's going to stick it in our carport for a few weeks giving them ample opportunity to come get it and if they don't then he's going to trash it. And they don't have friends who have trucks to pick it up for them. My husband says that they aren't even trying because after 2 years they are still sleeping on a mattress on the floor. He keeps going back to when he got his gf pregnant many years ago and how after 6 months he had saved up enough to furnish their apartment and get them off the floor.

1 Reply

@Snowed,

In this then I agree with your husband - if it is that old and they don't want it or don't want to spend the money to pick it - it is not worth it to them so I am with him - I would trash it.

There is no reason for you all to go to the extra expense if it is so old. Like I said if they want it enough they will find a way to get it.

0 Replies

@Snowed,

Sometimes a gift means more to the giver than the gifted.

Sometimes being in a bad situation, being gifted junk uses more resources than the resource of a sofa with an option of being given to someone or being thrown it away. If it's trash, toss. If they need a couch - go to Goodwill and give them one that too good to toss.

It reminds me of those who give away trashed clothing and expect the poor to be really grateful for the opportunity of wearing someone else's detritus.

1 Reply

@bobsal u1553115,

bobsal u1553115 wrote:

Sometimes a gift means more to the giver than the gifted.

Sometimes being in a bad situation, being gifted junk uses more resources than the resource of a sofa with an option of being given to someone or being thrown it away. If it's trash, toss. If they need a couch - go to Goodwill and give them one that too good to toss.

It reminds me of those who give away trashed clothing and expect the poor to be really grateful for the opportunity of wearing someone else's detritus.

My point exactly. They've been in their place several years now but can only manage a mattress on the floor and a used sofa someone else in the complex was getting rid of. My husband thinks that if they can manage to pay their rent each month, utilities, buy food, and weed then it's taken them too long to at least get the minimum of a bed. No one is saying they have to have a fully furnished apartment but that's basically what my husband is saying. After 2 years they shouldn't still be sleeping on the floor. What's wrong with us paying for the cost to get the furniture to them? I don't see it as a problem to help them out.

1 Reply

@Snowed,

Well, you have your own money, so use that to help out your son and don't expect your husband to help out. I feel that if they wanted to get off the floor, they would have by now. Your couch is 26 years old! What's it to you, anyway, how they sleep? It hasn't bothered you till now. People help those who help themselves - if they want off the floor, they'll get off.

And what is it - "several years" or "2 years"? How old are they, anyway?

0 Replies

Next time you take your husband to church, instead of waiting nick 9ff to your son's with the furniture.

You can always say you thought you'd have enough time because he is a total gobshite.

Why doesn't he want to help out my son and his GF?

Quick Links

My Account

able2know