Why cant i move on from a friend who abandoned me, even years later?

Reply Wed 22 Dec, 2021 11:48 am
I want to preface this story by saying there are 2 sides to every story. I know in my heart that some things that happened probably made the other party very uncomfortable, but I want to be as honest as possible. Essentially, a pastor's daughter and I had been maintaining friendship for several years. Our discussions were always cordial, however I will admit that, while she sent the first message, I realized after a while I became a bit attached. She would always respond enthusiastically, so I never knew there was an issue. So one day, in what felt out of the blue to me, she and her sister just ignored me and stopped talking. No discussion. Later on her brother approached me to say I was barely tolerable. Thats it. These events would trigger my first and only mental breakdown, where I experienced psychosis and schizo bipolar. Essentially, I had delusions and hallucinations that she ran away from home, so I turned myself into the police thinking it was my fault. After that I hallucinated the police were scanning my house and such. This would lead to my first mental health stay. When I got out a couple weeks later, I saw the girl had blocked me, but what was weird is the sister and mother had continued liking my facebook posts. One day the assistant pastor told me the pastor was "more than willing" to speak with me, however I noticed that immediately upon setting up a meeting, more of the family had blocked me. The pastor essentially said theres no animosity, they care about me, but wanted to give me the space i need to move forward. I asked if I did anything to hurt anybody, he said he did not feel slighted. He then said I have to take responsibility for my actions, and my actions have consequences. This upset me because at no point did they ever take responsibility for insulting me or abandoning me. He also told me the police had visited the church after service on a Sunday. So all in all even after all these years I feel completely devastated and have never moved on, however I also know that the whole police thing probably made them super uncomfortable, I said some pretty alarming things to the police, but nothing that could actually get me arrested.
On the one hand, I feel like its their fault for causing my breakdown, but on the other hand I know my breakdown had to be siper uncomfortable for them.
Im not sure what I want really, maybe I just want the girl to at least try talking about whatever was bothering her in the first place. I dont really know.
Anyways, end long rant.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 277 • Replies: 6
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Reply Wed 22 Dec, 2021 11:59 am
It doesn't matter what you want any more.

Stay away and cease contact with this family.
Reply Wed 22 Dec, 2021 12:04 pm
Oh I dont talk to them at all. The only reason I talked to the pastor was because the assistant pastor made it seem like he was thrilled to speak with me. Which makes the next part even weirder-- after about 2 years of no contact the pastor's wife continued liking my facebook posts. I have tried as best I could to respect their wishes, which they havent really told me. The pastor said something like, "if someone doesnt want relationship, let them go, and embrace them when they come back." Seems weird to me. I finally blocked them for my own sanity, but all of this still bothers me. I just wonder how a pastoral family can be this cruel. In some ways I feel bitter, I never fight back and i think that might be my downfall. I dont know.
Lady Lingiton
Reply Thu 23 Dec, 2021 06:51 am
Seek professional counselling.

Obtain a referral from a doctor.
mark noble
Reply Thu 23 Dec, 2021 12:34 pm
As the 'Stereophonics' once wrote - "It's the 'Not Knowing' that kills you"
And the More you attach yourself to the 'Not knowing' - The more damage it does.
Re-labelling the Not Knowing to 'Not Caring' is the ONLY way out.

Have a phantasmagorical adventure
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Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 02:49 pm
@Lady Lingiton,
Uh as a result of the mental breakdown I went to a mental facility, followed by years of outpatient care. I have gotten as much help as possible, but that does not take away my brain's behavior.
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 11:55 pm
This story is incredibly similar to one I read several years ago. Almost identical. Did you post this about 4 years ago?
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