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Mon 13 Dec, 2021 03:26 pm
My birthday was 12/9 and my husband knows that every year I like to make the whole week about me. I turned 51 years young. I usually take the day off and pamper myself be it getting my hair or nails done. My husband knows I make it all about me for that week. He, on the other hand thinks that your birthday is one day not 7 days or the entire month. Since he didn't get paid till Friday he said that he would do something for me that weekend. He said that he'd take me to lunch to one of my favorite restaurants on Sat. Sat came and I decided to work some OT that morning. He, on the other hand, decided that he was going to go to his grandson's basketball game that morning. Little did I know he also had told his daughter that he would keep the 9 month old granddaughter for her since she had to work. She came and they left. Several hours later they came back. My oldest son had made plans to get his daughter from her mom for the weekend which meant she would be staying with us that night. My husband said that we could still go to lunch. We would just take the baby and the older granddaughter would be with her dad. At that point I knew my birthday day was going to be shot. Then it started to rain and it poured down. My husband and the older granddaughter did get in the kitchen and make me a cake and he got me a nice card. We then decided to just wait till today to go to dinner at the same restaurant. I feel like I got the raw end of the stick by having to wait for my birthday festivities. His birthday is on July 4th so we always go and watch the fireworks display. He told me that it's not his fault the day he was born and they fireworks display the city does are not for him. He feels like a birthday is one day not the whole week. Even though he said we'd still go to the restaurant I feel like since it's already past the day of my actual birth it won't mean the same. He said that nobody's birthday falls on a Fri or Sat every year so sometimes you have to wait till the weekend in order to celebrate it. Is he right? Am I making too much of a deal about my birthday? When we were kids my parents always made a big deal out of me and my sister's birthdays. But my husband feels that after a certain age an acknowledgement of the birthday is fine but you really should only celebrate the milestone birthdays. These are the ones he feels you need to celebrate. The 1st, 6th, 13th, 16th, 21st, 25th, then the 30th and then every 10 years after that. 40th, 50th, 60th, etc. He said that you shouldn't expect someone to go all out for your 33rd, 42nd, or 51st birthday. Is he right?
It's really not a matter of what we anonymous people on this chat site think - it's what you and your husband think. However, here are some of my thoughts anyway! lol
I completely understand not wanting to dine with a baby and another child if it was a nice restaurant. Ack.
It sounds as if you feel he trivialized your big day.
It may be that you will have to look to your family and friends in order to celebrate your big days instead of someone who doesn't think it's a big deal.
What did your sons do to celebrate?
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
It's really not a matter of what we anonymous people on this chat site think - it's what you and your husband think. However, here are some of my thoughts anyway! lol
I completely understand not wanting to dine with a baby and another child if it was a nice restaurant. Ack.
It sounds as if you feel he trivialized your big day.
It may be that you will have to look to your family and friends in order to celebrate your big days instead of someone who doesn't think it's a big deal.
What did your sons do to celebrate?
My sons told me happy birthday on the actual day and that was it.
Sounds like you're the only one in the family who feels this about birthdays. I'm surprised your kids didn't take you out for a meal or even get you a card.
@Snowed,
I don't think your husband trivialized your birthday as much as he thinks birthdays are just that, a birth"day". `He made plans to do something on the weekend which is more efficient than trying to do something that night in the middle of the week. Things change and so do plans. Your son decided to get his daughter and drop her off, and it didn't sound like you had a problem with that but when your husband decided to keep his granddaughter, that seemed to be a sore spot for you. Why? One child is no more important than the next. He also made you a cake. How nice was that? And he is still taking you out to eat, assuming none of the grandkids will be there this time? Sometime you need to look at a situation and make the best of it. You're still getting your meal, just on another day.
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
Sounds like you're the only one in the family who feels this about birthdays. I'm surprised your kids didn't take you out for a meal or even get you a card.
They don't have much money so I don't expect much from them.
@Snowed,
Agreed more Mame in a lot of ways.
Myself yes I like to celebrate mine have a nice dinner out or in but I honestly don't find them a big deal ... But that is me we are all different. I also can see the value of waiting until the weekend for a nice dinner my husband typically do that. It nicer because we aren't working and can just focus on the celebration.
The thing here that I can see your point ... It seems you made your expectations clear that you like this sort of thing .... It makes you special...I would think your husband would appreciate that and meet you half way...make your birthday special. To me that extra little bit shows you are trying with your spouse ... Trying to make her happy...however on the other side you should also meet half way...maybe change it so it isn't the whole week....maybe have it a special weekend?
If its important to you ... Unless it is completely unrealistic or over the top...it is caring to show you understand that of your spouse.
@Snowed,
Well your sons could still do something special for you...dollar store sells cards two for a dollar they could pick up a card. They could cook you dinner. They could do some gardening for you, paint a room for you, repair something that needs to be fixed
@Linkat,
Exactly. Maybe they weren't raised to think of others, including their mother who loves her birthday being celebrated. Anyway, too late. The b'day came and went and they did nothing, as she expected. I wonder why she's not a little pissed at them.
Her husband spent time making her a cake and a card and will be taking her out for dinner. The rest of the week she pampered herself, so I think that was a pretty good b'day, myself.
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