Is this a narcissist? Can someone please shed light?

So, I need objective advice here. Ive been through a lot in my dating life and I realize sometimes I can view things through a skewed perspective. Also, please don't point out to me that I "fell for it" or "missed all the red flags", I know. I was vulnerable and lonely.

I met this guy on Tinder. He was heavily tattooed with extremely nice ink, as I am, so I thought wow someone else who puts serious thought and intention into the things they do. He was attractive as well, which also caught my attention. When he first messaged me, he was very gentlemanly. Attentive. Maybe overly so. He gave me his snap chat and his phone number, both of which I saved. We talked over snap chat for a few days, and in retrospect, he wanted my full attention. Messages starting at 5am all through out the day. Constant selfies and videos of himself. There is an 8 year age difference, I am the older party (female). I initially thought this was kind of odd, and told him so. Due to the fact that he was over 25 and seemed extremely kind, I kind of gave in. A few days in, he starts being extremely sexual in nature. This is normally a red flag for me, but due to the fact that he was so nice in every other way, and rediculously good looking, I let my guard down. Mistake. We met for coffee and he magicianed me right to his house, and you guessed it. At this point, I figure I wont hear from him again. I do, and we set up another date the following friday. All through out these interactions hes vascillating between telling me Im "perfect", "his human", etc etc (we have been talking a week and half at this point...), to telling me how "badly" every last single one of his exs treated him. On the second date, his grandmother literally dies, and he rushes us both to her house. Im sitting in this house while everyone is freaking out and grandma is still inside it. He tells me he has a gambling addiction. Tells me he was previously addicted to cocaine. Drinks feverishly in this two week period. Let me say that he knew his grandma was dying, was reluctant about me still coming even though I offered to pause things, and said he "needed me". Im a sucker for people that need support, I care. So I went. We were sitting at the bar when he got the text that she passed. Why was he not sitting with her instead if she knew he was passing away??? His mother cried hysterically at the grandmothers house and he made a big deal to me about it. "Why does she have to do this" etc etc..... No empathy? He then later uses the N word with a hard R. Caught me off gaurd. The whole way through all of this hes telling me how "kind" he is etc etc. I supported him through the funeral, then his entire personality did a 180 and he basically ghosted. I understand that people grieve but with all these other things combined???? What the hell just happened? This person owns their own gym and is a personal trainer, owns a house, etc.....but said he lost $150,000 gambling? How can someone be unstable but hold down a business and a house? The whole thing made me feel like I was losing my mind. When I told him how I felt about it all he told me to **** off. Can someone please shed light on this?? Did I over react or was this guy serious red flags????????