Wed 13 Oct, 2021 04:39 pm
Two and a half years ago I met my current partner while going through a very lonely moment of my life in Gran Canaria. I had been going to therapy and rehab for alcohol and cannabis abuse and I had been clean for three months, was doing a lot of excercise and was decided to move to Mexico to be closer to my family.
We were together for a couple of months, having a good time first in the Canary Islands and then in Barcelona. While this happened I broke my sobriety and indulged in beers, spritz aperols and weed almost everyday. I felt guilty with myself, but she kept on saying that I wasn't weak and could handle everything in moderation (which I couldn't). While this happened I noticed that she was very independent, waiting for me at home to go out or do anything. I thought that is had to be because I spoke fluent spanish and knew Spain very well while she was Italian and was new to the country. It frustrated me sometime but I wouldn't mind most of the time.
We both split for a few months to work during the summer. She left to Capri and I left to Norway. During this time we both had many lovers and lost control with parties and drugs.
When we got back together we moved to Mexico City to be close to my family. She hated the city and insited that we moved to the coast to open a hostel as it was her dream. I accepted with pain in my heart as I was moving far from my family once again. We bought a car with our savings and drove south visiting every interesting point we thought we could call home but none seemed to be a good fit. I did all of the driving as she didn't know how to and refused to learn when I tried to teach her.
In one place, Veracruz, an uncle of mine offered me to manage his natural reserve in the middle of the rainforest, a tropical paradise that focused on restoring the ecosystem and saving endangered animals like monkeys and tucans, yet she refused, and again with a broken heart we continued looking.
We reached the Yucatan and hated it, so we drove back up the Pacific and found another paradise called Nayarit.
During this period we confessed our affairs and forgave each other, I felt very close to her as I understood that honesty was love and we were stronger than ever.
Here we found a place in a town called Lo de Marcos and openned a hostel with our last euro. The dynamic then was, she dictated what she wanted and I had to drive into town or the city and find a solution, in the meantime she went to the beach. I had started to become very irritated of the situation and tried talking to her about it, but she would quickly dismiss me as negative, whiny and dramatic.
Then the pandemic hit.
During this time we lost all of our customers and were left alone with a few New Yorkers that didn't want to go home. As I am fluent in English, I was the mediator of the internal drama that occures while 6 adults are locked in a house. My GF and another woman were the main instigators. While this happened, I was constantly looking for loans and help to keep our business a float, cleaning the pool, doing the gardening, laundry, going into the city to buy supplies, negotiating with the landlord and fixing everything. She just went to the beach and complained that I was way too stressed out all the time.
We eventually had to close down and in a moment of histeria drove to Mexico City alone just to be with my family, I was moraly destroyed and full of anger and frustration. When I decided that now that this had failed, I was going to move back to Mexico City and be close to my friends and family, I drove back to the coast and told her. She replied that she had been unfaithful and slept with an architect a few times while I was gone. I had had a crazy night with a hippy during my time away so we both forgave eachother and moved on. She accepted to move back to Mexico City with me as I told her that we had no more money left to continue living on the coast.
When we arrived, my parents lent us a house they had in one of the city's most hip neighborhoods, but she refused to ever even walk outside of it and constantly bickered at me for taking her back there. I was doing well, reconnecting with old friends and working on all sorts of projects, but she became depressed and made me know it all the time. After two months there I accepted we moved back to a beach town and drove all the way up to Todos Santos in Baja California Sur. There, I opened an artisanal tortilla shop and she worked as a masseusse.
She became very popular at her job and had a lot of demand, but needed to go to her clients houses, but because she didn't know how to drive, I had to take her. That really affected my business, as I was never there and couldn't invest time at what I considered a beautiful job.
Although by then we hardly had any spark in bed, she got pregnant.
Then things really got hard as she kept on working and I kept on driving her everywhere, spending as little as 1 hour a day at my own project. Whenever I brought up my frustration and told her I was scared that once she stopped working I wouldn't have enough time to build up my business, she once again dismissed me and told me I am too dramatic and negative. At that point I felt like a total piece of ****. All I did was at the end of the day, once I did my accounting and realised I was in total debt and was making no money at all, I drank myself silly and smoked more weed than Marley could of ever done, trying to numb myself from reality.
I closed down my business and lost a lot of money. We moved back to Mexico City. While I looked for a job, I realized it was never going to happen as she did not want to be with my family and I needed to take care of her. Things were so difficult at that moment. I was depressed and there was nothing I could do.
Once the baby was born, we decided to move away again. I managed to get a job in San Miguel de Allende working on a ranch, from which I am writting right now. While here, I have been only able to be at work part time, as she constantly asks me to do things for her, using the baby as an excuse. Baby needs diapers, She says she can't walk two blocks to pick them up, so I need to do it, Grocery shopping, laundry, looking for an apartment, banking, cooking, cleaning, it all falls on my shoulders. She just stays at home on her phone watching youtube and talking to her mother.
I feel so so so tired of it, trapped and unhappy. I physically look way older, I have gotten fat, angry and have become a real alcoholic. I have no friends and the only person I see 24/7 is her. I am doing terrible at my job because of the constant demands she makes, taking her everywhere, practically doings A-Z of any idea or project she has. I just can't anymore.
I wake up every morning looking at her and thinking "I hate you", but then look at the little beautiful fat baby and realize that if I breakup with her, I will probably never see him again, as she has threatened to leave back to Italy and find him a new father.
What do I do?
Are you sure the baby is yours? Get a paternity test and find out. If it's not, kick her the hell to the curb! If it is, kick her out anyway but get visitation rights in writing first. She is going to be the death of you.
You seemed to have ignored the clear idea how it was going to be with her in the long run. (Somewhat self absorbed and not a supportive partner)
No advice here about her. Just suggesting you accept what is.
Don’t let her blackmail you with the child. Sit down with a lawyer now and find out your rights.