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Sun 19 Sep, 2021 08:52 pm
This is the reason why I am looking for an extra marital relationship. Let me begin by saying that I do love my wife. She is very attractive and has a good physical appearance and personality. We were married 10 years ago and the sex was pretty good, and I couldn’t complain that much. It was better when we were dating, but this is always the case. We had sex about 2 times a week for about 6 years possibly more when we were on vacation, then suddenly it came to a screeching halt 3 years ago. During the past 3 years we have had sex about 4 times in total which in my mind is unacceptable, and I could tell that sex for her was not enjoyable and not even a fake orgasm . There is an age gap between us by 10 years as I am the older one. I am very sexually fit and would love to have sex at least again, but I decided not to pressure my wife. I am an attractive man for my age and she told me when we became married she not only married me for my intelligence, but for my charm and sexuality. About 6 months ago after about the third time I approached the subject and I told her that I was not happy that our sex had run dry; I demanded an explanation which caused an argument. I know my wife is NOT having any extra marital relationships. She claims that sex was painful, her back was hurting and that she had lost interest due to her lack of sex drive. Just recently, I returned home from an overseas business trip and I decided to approach her again on the subject of sex making this the very last time I would broach the subject. She understood my reasoning ( because it was true ) but it seemed not to bother her, but it bothered me the way her attitude appeared to be so negative on the subject. I explained in detail that during the 10 years of marriage it was always a strain for her to even want to have sex or initiate sex. She used the weakest excuse that I was not showing any passion. Well, lets say that was true, which is certainly not the case. I could see that she was grasping at straws in order to provide me with some kind of justification and I left the subject alone and told her I would not talk about it any longer.
I know for a certainty that she was very sexually active with her 2 previous husbands, but I seemed to be the one that drew the short straw in this marriage. I am 69 years old and live with a wife that when naked she looks spectacular, but does not encourage me to make any sexual advances towards her because it goes nowhere. If I were to make any advances it would be looked upon as an exercise in futility and very unwelcomed. I can just imagine her saying " what are you doing" So, I don’t go there anymore, and NO, we are not going to counselling so forget that suggestion.
Based on all this, I am very sexually frustrated, and have a high testosterone level and I want to meet someone of just about any decent age that would like to have someone in their life that on occasion would be open to a sexual relationship out of the matrimonial environment. Possibly, someone who shares the same situation as myself. I know it’s wrong, but that's life in the big city. Yes, but is it that wrong to want and be able to have sex and not have any till the day I depart from this earth. The lack of sex is not going to be the situation for the remainder of my life. She would be very angry if I were to have an extra marital relationship, so it must be a clandestine event, and not too near my residence as I know a lot of people. I am a professional and my work is demanding, but I can travel anywhere in the world. I suppose I am looking for a lady who is in the same situation or position as me, and if that be the case it would be an ideal situation.
A friend said to me that a marriage without sex is just half a marriage.
To all those highly moral individuals out there, all you must do is to move on to the next advertisement and leave without criticism because all I will do is delete those meaningless messages. No one can shame me because I don't care what other people think of me. I need to find someone sympathetic to my situation but shares the same dilemma as me. I think I have said that too many times, but I want to get the point across.
About me: I am a caring person and have extremely good manners and higher education. I am looking for a willing partner for occasional meetings and life can be simple and not complicated and unthreatening . I am not a complicated person. I used to be, but not at my time of life. I am pretty good looking with a very strong character so I have been told but that is a factor in my type of profession. I want to relax and make love in the company of a likeminded person. I am not going to leave my spouse, and I am not going to get angry with her about the lack of sex. I am taking the reality as a knock on the chin. She knows I am unhappy in that department. However, I am not going to go without sex till the day I depart from this earth as it will have been a real waste of time.
So you are this woman’s third husband? Do you know the reason for the divorces?
How old is your wife? I’m surprised that she is so willing to throw in the towel on her own sexual activity.
Low sex drive? That can be dealt with by hormone replacement.
Back hurt? What does the Dr say?
Lack of interest? Is she tired? Depressed? Again, a full physical can reveal what is going on here.
Lack of passion (on your part) ? Are you sure you are a good lover? Has she been specific about exactly what she means?
You have decided that finding a concubine will solve all your problems, but believe me, it will only compound them. Instead, get this resolved with your wife or make her a divorcée again.
@manonfire,
Quote:Based on all this, I am very sexually frustrated, and have a high testosterone level ...
If you can't regulate your own sex drive why not lower your testosterone level to relieve this frustration – consult a medical doctor about getting depo provera therapy. You don't have to live with this condition and the anxiety it obviously generates.
@manonfire,
First off, you are not in control which posts get deleted, the moderators are. So there's that.
But it is rather comical to say you are a caring individual and that you love your wife while you cheat on her. I guess your higher education actually means you can hurt anyone and everyone in your pursuit of sexual activity.
Hey, I'm not here to judge, but let's call a spade a spade! You cheat, you don't communicate and you actually think you have a moral right to do what you do.
Good luck finding someone who has sympathy for you.
@manonfire,
I think there is a website specifically dedicated to what you want. Ashley Madison.com maybe?
Quote:and NO, we are not going to counselling so forget that suggestion.
Very telling – unless there is a particularly good reason why you wouldn’t.
Quote:I know it’s wrong, but that's life in the big city. Yes, but is it that wrong to want and be able to have sex and not have any till the day I depart from this earth.
But you are unwilling to do anything – you said you would not go to counselling so how are you to repair this? By cheating? That seems to me, that you are making a bad situation worse. You say you are 69 but are acting like a child – instead of trying to resolve a problem you are just going to get your way and that is life in the big city.
Quote:No one can shame me because I don't care what other people think of me.
All of these statements leads one to believe you are selfish and don’t care. Having good manners and being educated does not mean you are caring. And you speak of strong character but yet make it very clear you want to be deceitful. That is not strong character.
If you and your wife have difficulty discussing this then a counselor may be able to break through these barriers. Maybe there is something medically wrong with your wife or mentally or emotionally wrong or upsetting in your relationship and does not know how to discuss or approach this with you. Women feel and think differently than men – for most women sex is as much mental as it is physical. If she feels there is something lacking on the mental or emotional side – i.e. you don’t pay attention to her, you talk down to her or who knows what – that will impact how she feels sexually. I am not saying these things are happening but your attitude and what you are saying like that’s life in the big city, no counselor sounds like someone unwilling to dig deeper to solve a problem and would rather than just get what he wants.
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