What's gotten under his skin today?

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My husband doesn't start work till 9 AM. He'll sit at his desk and play on his laptop or drink his coffee. I usually go in and speak to him or mess around with him before work. We're both working from home. Typically I'll go grab him around the neck in a playful manner or something like that. This morning when I walked into the room he had his headphones on and when he saw me coming he sternly said, "not right now, I'm on the phone!" I stood there for a minute just looking at him. Then I asked who he was talking too and again with a stern voice he said, "it doesn't matter, this is my phone call." I said a few choice words to him and said he was being rude and walked out. We're currently in counseling to work on communication and one thing the counselor said was that when one asks a question to just answer it. I guess he feels that doesn't mean he has to answer every one of my questions. Why was he being so rude to me?

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@Snowed,

Ask him. His is the only answer that matters. How could we possibly know what was in his head?

Find a way to discuss this in a manner that is not heavy, threatening and as relaxed and non-accusatory as possible. Based on your posting history there’s been issues of trust and a strained relationship between you. Perhaps this might be something you discuss in a couple’s counseling if you’re still participating. You’re still in counseling, right?

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@Snowed,

I think you were being rude to him. He was on the phone and you continued to try to have a conversation. He can't listen to two conversations at the same time. He might have been "stern" in letting you know, but you could have discussed that with him when the call was complete. My wife and I also are working from home and this happens to us frequently. When you see the headset on, you go quiet and back out.

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@Snowed,

So you walk in the room and he tells you "not right now, I'm on a phone call" and you get upset? So you're more important than whomever he's talking to right then? When you are around everyone else must wait? And why do people ask someone who's on a phone call who they are talking to? It's obviously not you on the other line so why do you care? He said he was on a call. At that moment you should have just walked out of the room and went on your merry way.

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You sound like a real nightmare, demanding, self centred, completely unreasonable.

I feel so sorry for your poor husband.

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@izzythepush,

Excuse me! Again, in counseling we were told to answer each other's questions. How am I wrong?

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@Snowed,

So answering each other's questions means telling the person he's on the phone with, "hey, wait a minute I need to tell my wife who I'm talking to." What was wrong with coming back and asking him later? What was wrong with you just saying to yourself, "he's not talking to me so why do I care?"

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@Snowed,

He was on the phone, ffs, when someone is on the phone you wait until they’ve finished before talking.

You do that with anyone, not just people you’re in a relationship with because that’s how decent people behave.

You didn’t do that, you insisted he drop everything and talk to you.

Your posts make me so grateful that I’m a widower, it’s has to be a thousand time preferable to being stuck with someone like you.

Btw, my wife was nothing like you and I miss her.

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@Snowed,

Snowed wrote:

We're currently in counseling to work on communication and one thing the counselor said was that when one asks a question to just answer it. I guess he feels that doesn't mean he has to answer every one of my questions.

You're being stubborn here. Answering a question doesn't give you the right to demand attention at any given moment. Especially if he had to repeat himself, STERNLY, that was an inappropriate time. Just apologize for interrupting and go on.

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Snowed - you were out of line. You demanded attention when he clearly let you know it was the wrong time. But you kept it up, then got mad.

Ask the counselor about this. You misinterpreted the directions.

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Apparently the OP got under his skin, she was being petulant.

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I just can't imagine why he is so rude to me. We both work from home. I get off at 4 and he doesn't get off till 6. Yesterday it was a few minutes after 6 when I walked into the bedroom and he was still talking to a customer so I reminded him that it was time to get off. He looked at me and motioned to get out and said in a nasty voice, "I know, I'm still on a customer call." He didn't have to yell it at me. I was just reminding him that it was after 6. It's like every time I say something to him he picks a fight with me.

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“I know. I’m still on a customer call.”

That doesn’t sound like a “ fight.”

You owe him an apology for being bossy and impatient.

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@Snowed,

If you knew he was still talking to a customer, that's your cue to leave him alone and wait.

You don't engage with him unless the house is on fire.

Him closing the sale is a big part of what keeps the roof over both your heads. Or are a few moments of you not being paid attention to more important than that?

Life will be a lot easier, and you'll be snapped at far less frequently if you behave like a grown woman and not 3 toddlers in a trenchcoat.

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@Snowed,

Dammit woman! Are you always up in his business every minute of every day? Sounds like you can't wait for 6 to roll around so he can now start giving you some attention. You walked into the room and he was still talking on the phone. Why would you even try to engage him in a conversation? AND, the fact that he was sitting in the bedroom I'm not understanding. It's not like you were home alone and he was an hour or 2 late getting home. Is 10 or 15 more minutes going to really bother you? Grow TF up!

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@Snowed,

Snowed wrote:

I just can't imagine why he is so rude to me. ... Yesterday it was a few minutes after 6 when I walked into the bedroom and he was still talking to a customer so I reminded him that it was time to get off. .... I was just reminding him that it was after 6. It's like every time I say something to him he picks a fight with me.

What's the difference if it was a few minutes or half an hour after 6:00? He's a grownup - he should be able to decide when to get off the phone. He doesn't need any reminders from you. If he's willing to work overtime, he should be allowed to. You're not his mother or his boss. And a good employee would not end the call with a customer just because it's quitting time. He should be applauded for being such a good worker. Don't you have enough respect for him to allow him to work his own way?

My God, if I said something like to my husband, he'd look at me like I had two heads.

Stop interfering and bossing him. He doesn't need a reminder.

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@Snowed,

If i was him i would file for divorce, you seen to be very self centred.

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@Snowed,

I'm going to go by myself and how I have reacted differently in this same scenario: 1. If there is no problems at all between me and my spouse, I would look up at him, smile, and gesture that I am on the phone. He in turn would nod, smile and wave back at me. 2. Something he did or say prior to me being on the phone is still bothering me. We did not talk about it and when he approached me while I'm on the phone, I would be irritated and respond as your husband did. 3. There was something I was secretive about and him interrupting brought on the guilt and fear he may find out.
As someone else said, we cannot know what went on in his head nor do we have much insight in how you normally speak to one another. Either way, I do think that something is amiss by him speaking the way he did.

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@Juve,

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this. What is wrong with you? How is it this guy's fault and that there must be something amiss by him because of the way he spoke to his wife? Are women so delicate to where they can't hear a harsh tone every now and then? Can he not be on a bad phone call and she made it worse by trying to talk to him while he was clearly "on a phone call"? She walked up to him and saw he was on the phone but yet in still tried to have a conversation with him. That's rude on her part and everyone knows it. She sounds like a self-entitled B who demands attention the minute she walks into the room. Tell you what, see if you don't get annoyed if you're on the phone and someone tried to continually have a conversation with you or even look at you and ask, "who are you talking to?"

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