Who's right or wrong in this situation?

There's something called "The Five Languages of Love" that you should investigate. People show their love differently. Some do it by acts of service (fixing your car, picking you up at the airport, etc), others spend time with you, etc. Here's a link: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained

Once you determine how each of you expresses your love, you'll understand better why he speaks in one and you in another.

Then you can have a chat about what you need, or maybe you'll just notice how HE expresses his love for you and that'll be good enough.

Pretty much what Mame says - he tried to explain to you how he is - I don't know I thought it was pretty clear it is not lack of caring but just how he views things.

Put it to you this way he may see there there is something wrong with you that you need that validation of how was your day? Almost like you lack confidence in yourself.

That is probably not the case - you are just two different people so you see things differently - you may not lack confidence and he may not lack caring.

I think you just need a little mutual respect and understanding that you both are going to view things a little differently - neither is wrong or right.

I think Mame points you to read something that might calm your anger and maybe you will be able to see how he shows he cares. That might give you more comfort and appreciation and maybe you can talk to him in a way that won't seem prodding to him - and so he can see how you show your caring.

I just want him to be more attentive to my needs and that means asking me how my day went. Whenever I ask him about his day he'll say something like "it was the same ole same ole." I read that as he just doesn't want to talk to me. There have been times when I went to the doctor and there was a slight issue with me medically and he didn't even bother to ask when I walk back into the house.

Is this pretty much like he is with most things? A “ yup” kind of guy; not a leader in conversation with anyone, much less you?

Could be this is his demeanor and you are not going to change it.

How long have you been married? I can’t believe that you have not noticed this before.

Find a friend or relative who is interested in your day. May not come from this guy, ever. You just can’t teach someone to be interested.

Hopefully, he shows he cares in other ways.

Since you won't read that link I sent you, the Five Languages (or Expressions) of Love are below. These are the five different ways people like to give and receive love.

1. Words of affirmation. "You look great in that colour." "That was a lovely meal, thank you."

2. Quality time together. "Want to come with me to ....?" "Let's go for a walk." "Can I come over and visit with you?"

3. Giving and receiving gifts, whether it's tangible or not. "Thanks for taking the dog to the vet - I got such a lot of work done!" "I saw this at a store and thought of you - I hope it fits." "You've got a flat tire - I'll fix it for you."

4. Acts of service. "I'd be happy to take you to the airport." "Your lawns needs a mow - I'll do it for you." "I've ironed all your shirts so now you're good to go."

5. Physical touch. This could be a hug, kiss, caress, foot rub, massage, etc.

Everyone seems to gravitate to two main ones. Once you figure out how HE likes to be shown, you basically show him that way. That's what he understands. It's like a language.

And once you figure out how YOU like to be shown, you can let him know how HE can show YOU love.

You might want to read this together. But the important thing is that you understand it's not that he doesn't love you - he's just speaking a different language.

For me, it's 2. and 3. I do use the others, but 2 and 3 are predominant for me. What are yours? Obviously 1!

2 and 4 for me.

My husband is more a 1 - I find one exhausting, but I understand he needs that so I listen attentively and remember to ask how his day is. But I am like this woman's husband - I don't want to talk about work at the end of the - unless something huge happened.

1) Words of affirmation

My husband isn't really one of those guys who says "you look nice today" or "that was a really great meal." He's usually one to say something like "why don't you wear those types of dresses more" or "I like your hair fixed this way," Not really affirming sweet words but more so things he wants me to do more.

2) Quality time

We usually spend each night together. We eat dinner together and watch TV till time to go to bed. But on Sat's we are out all day together. We go shopping, run errands, find a place to eat lunch or dinner together. That's our day. He feels that we don't really have to spend that much time during the week together because he knows we're going to be together all day on Sat and Sun.

3) Giving and receiving gifts

We're not big on that other than Christmas or birthdays. He does do a lot of work on the cars. He feels that if he can fix it then he will so don't spend 3x's as much to take it to the shop. He's offered to show me how to change a tire in case I'm out somewhere stranded but I feel that's his avenue.

4) Acts of service

My husband likes to work on things and fix things. Every time a family member needs something done at their house they always call him. Be it plumbing, electrical, automotive, etc. He's a jack of all trades. He gets on me because he is in charge of the outside and the cars but when ever the grass gets high I remind him that it need to be cut. He says "let me handle the outside and you handle the inside." I'll tell him when my car needs washing and even though he does the repairs on the cars he said he's not going to keep washing my car every time he washes his. He says that there's nothing wrong with a woman wanting to keep her own car clean. But, I hate to drive a dirty car but he has no problem detailing his car for hours on a Sat.

5) Physical touch

We've never been a touchy feely kind of couple. We tried holding hands in the mall one time and we both thought it was awkward because we walk at different paces or I may want to go look at dresses and he wants to go look at pants. He's not big on cuddling either. He says that gets hot after a while. I have been wanting to lay on his shoulder or his chest while we're in the bed but he says "now I can't move or go anywhere because you're comfortable whereas I'm now uncomfortable."

We've been together some 20 years and I guess I'm missing the newness of how relationships usually start out as.

and what about you? What are your numbers? How do you express your love for him? 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5?

Can you be a little bit of them all?

everybody is all of them, usually, but we're predominantly two. I am not a touchy-feely person, and I don't do a lot of complimenting, and I'm not into driving people to the airport and back But I have given and received in all.

So, your husband is not a 1, sometimes a 4 (washing your car)... but what is he mainly? And what are you mainly?

Probably a 4 because he likes showing me things. Anytime there's something wrong with his car he wants to show me or if there's something wrong with my car he wants to show me.

And probably a 2. I think he looks forward to our Sat's out and about.

So that's how HE'D like YOU to show your love. Quality time and acts of service (favours, surprises, etc).

Now, what numbers are you?

I guess I'm a 1 and a 5.

The window regulator in his SUV broke a few days ago and he took the door apart to look at it and he took such pride in showing me what was wrong with the door and how he can't wait to order the part and fix it. He keep telling me I need to upgrade the bulbs in my car to LED and how bright they are and how long they last. My thinking is that since he wants me to do it why doesn't he order them for me and put them in. He upgraded all the lights in his truck to LED. Again, I could care less about that type of stuff.

Why don't you order them and ask him to show you how to install them? You could also explain you don't have the right brain for this kind of stuff and ask him what he'd like you to do for him if he did that for you. Trade.

If you're a 1, and he's not, then words of affirmation don't really affect him.

You guys are speaking two different languages. It might be useful to share all this with him.

This is not the be-all and end-all of relationships, of course, but it does help to recognize how the other person operates.