I am constantly catching him watching porn!

A2K has it's very own Dr. Ruth who will be along shortly to tell you relax, It's all perfectly Hunky Dory.

Mark my words.

Well, I can kinda see why he's doing this, seeing as he doesn't have another outlet.

So, yay?

A few things.

1) He should be working when he's working from home. Full stop. If it's a company laptop, then he is probably violating company policy. If that machine gets a virus because of the porn, your husband will likely be fired.

And... he'd deserve it.

He also needs to be exceptionally cautious about what's in his clipboard. Everyone who's ever used a computer has accidentally sent the wrong link to someone. What do you think would happen if he oops accidentally sent a porn link to his supervisor?

2) He also shouldn't be masturbating in his SUV in public (the garage is a different story, so long as the door is shut.

Why?

Because exposing himself, even if he has no idea anyone is watching, could land him on the sex offender list.

Which... he would also deserve.

Regardless of what anyone thinks of the sex offender list or if they think it's draconian, etc., the bottom line is that exposing himself would fit the bill of the sex offender list.

3) Talk to your doctor about your own bodily concerns. Explain how you're feeling about your surgical recovery. Surgery is a big deal, even outpatient, and it can be scary. Plus it can be concerning if you experienced a lot of pain and just don't want to risk that pain coming back. Your doctor may have suggestions for you. And one of those suggestions may very well be counseling.

Your husband can come with you, or not, if you do end up in counseling. It would probably be a good idea no matter what your primary care physician says.

No, this is his personal laptop he has sitting on a tray next to him. He does nothing on his company laptop other than work.

And I don't think he's doing it in his truck in a crowded parking lot. His SUV has rear tinted windows and he only really goes out at night after dark. I would imagine that if he's doing it he'd be behind a building somewhere or somewhere he feels safe doing it.

My husband was the one who suggested that I go to the doctor and get a full workup. I'm just scared. I know everything is fine but in my mind I think something my happen.

As the resident Dr Ruth (Glitterbag is being nasty as part of a personal grudge she carries from thread to thread, but I kind of like the title even though I dont feel I deserve it).

Pornography and masturbation are normal parts of healthy human sexuality. It clearly isnt interfering with your sex life as a couple. There is nothing wrong with it.

I am pretty sure the real Dr. Ruth would say the same thing.

What is the “ something” you think might happen if you resume intercourse? Why the hesitancy to go back to the Dr ?

You need to work on getting your own “sexy self “ back.

Reading this posts makes me realise that there are far worse things in life than being a widower.

Snowed, are you really "snowed"?

As a gay, 71 year old masseur who, for the past 50 years, has had a clientele of about 85% straight, married males, I will say this to you, with as much politeness as vigor:

Men need sex, period. YOU are not going to change that. It is inherently ingrained in the male subset of the human and other animal races. My advice to you is to evaluate him on other (nonsexual) factors, like how he provides, cares about the family, is a decent human being. Leave the erotica to nature.

Because of this, I feel that the angst against Andrew Cuomo is politically propagated. Today, men, essentially, have to take their marching orders from feminism, be it male or female supported. Women or blacks simply cannot be criticized any longer.

When I was young, women could not attain a status comparable to those of men but were treated delicately, properly, in hopes of at least somewhat ameliorating this shortcoming. NOW, women want everything and will not stop until every male in our society is subordinated. This action is concomitant with the BLM movement. Essentially, today, NOTHING survives politically unless its roots are politically correct. I did not vote for The Trump Card, but I can readily see how he legitimately attracted such a mindset. Feminism and BLM are potential poison. - David Lyga

how can you possibly speak for women? You do realize how ridiculous you sound, don't you? You can't possibly know or understand what women want. All you can do is conjecture.

That is simply pure, unadulterated bullshit.

What in the world are you talking about here?

"It was a laparoscopic surgery which means they made a few small incisions in my stomach and removed my uterus and cervix but left my ovaries."

I know they call this a partial hysterectomy, but it's still major surgery. You may be taking longer to heal than you expected........and I bet you feel very fatigued as well. Laparoscopic surgery is beneficial because it lowers the risk of infection and is less painful. That doesn't mean it's pain free or that it can't knock you for a loop. I suggest you talk to your Gyn and discuss the situation with her/him. (Not the part about your husband and porn.......I mean the way you're feeling and any fears or concerns you may have). If that turns out to be unsatisfactory, you might get some answers from a Woman's Health specialist.... Everybody's body is different and not everyone recovers in the same time frame.

Good luck to you.

This is an over-reaction, Hightor.

Many men experience a strong need for sex. Would you disagree with that?

(... I would say "most", but I am not going to push it).

Allow me to use what you just asked there as a platform for saying something I think ought to be mentioned.

There is, in fact, an overwhelming urge among some men to have sex often (and at times, promiscuously)...just as there is an overwhelming urge among some women to bear children.

The urgency of the latter...and the extremes to which some women go to become pregnant...is almost NEVER looked on negatively; almost never condemned or seen as human failure of some kind.

The urgency of the former seems almost always to engender ridicule...often to the extremes of contempt and scorn.

Obviously some savage men deal with the problem in ways that richly deserve that contempt and scorn...

...BUT a guy dealing with it by jerking off should not be getting any of that kind of crap thrown his way.

Just sayin'.

Yes.

Interesting. I never thought of it that way.

I understand your point but as of today I'm in no pain whatsoever. I'm not tired or there are no long lasting affects of the surgery. I guess I have a mental block with having sex again and I think he is using porn as his outlet. I don't want him to become addicted to that nor do I want him to look elsewhere for sex. How do I convince him to be a patient a little while longer?

What exactly must he be patient about?

If this is psychological on your part, then get some help for why you have no sex drive in spite of being physically OK.

What are your ages? Do you miss intimacy? Sex? Ever masturbate yourself?

What was your sex life before?

You are angry at hubby; is that a turn- off for you that he sexually releases himself? Is that why you can’t let yourself get horny?

This issue is in need of couples counseling. I’d not hesitate to get it resolved.

How or why is this an issue for a couples counselor?

She has an issue with him "taking care of his own business" when she can't muster up enough feelings to get back to doing what they obviously had been doing prior to her surgery. She's not happy because he's using porn to get off. Would she be happier if he was using someone in real life to get off?

It's been some 4 months or so since your surgery with a procedure that was minimally invasive. Yes, I understand it was still surgery but a few 1/2 inch incisions in your abdomen back in April and you think he's going to do damage to your vagina. Correct me if I'm wrong but they went no where near the vagina, right? So why is she worried about him hurting her or doing some damage? That's like a woman not wanting to have sex 6 months after a c-section.

Ok, I'm off my soapbox. But seriously, you need to seek help. Go to your gyno and get a full workup. If you're in no pain or lasting affects then what's the problem? Many women resume a healthy sex life after a hysterotomy.

Well, ain't you just a big package of sunshine wrapped up with a pretty pink bow.