Would someone please tell me what I saw last night.

punani!

Holy gee, Ali G...

punani!

punani!

Finally saw the man!!!!! I did NOT know he was a Brit!

Yer not gonna be, like, on the show or nothing, are you?

Those folks don't, like, come off so well.

exactly

I feel vindicated. There have been other sightings of the mystery object. At least a dozen people in the area have seen it.

Perhaps I won't need to be institutionalized after all.

Here's an excerpt from an article I was just reading.....

"At least a dozen people in the area have seen it."

head's up, here it comes

Ah 'spect we can find some other reason to do that.

Paraclete = paraprofessional guy named Cletus.

It was a message not to mess with the cards that night!

I think I can help you out there. I used to see those things all the time when I was a kid, and still do occasionally.

Some people call them "fireflies" -- but we always called 'em "lightening bugs."

May I thank all you kindly folk who enquired after my wellbeing. I am too shy to reply to your PM's. However, to ease any concern may I say that after being kicked off the bus at the city limits; I was lost in a swamp and almost eaten alive for two days by skeeters, before being found by an old farmer who took pity on the circumstances that had befallen me.

Even though my appearance was in a somewhat distress state, I did take note that his was somewhat even more passed redemption, a fact not helped by a tangle of face furniture which made him sound as if he was talking through a birds nest. I think he said his name was Gas followed by a growl. His outward appearance notwithstanding, beneath beat a heart of compassion, who let me bunk free in the barn with midday vittals, in exchange for a mere 16 hours worth of chores. "What chores" I enquired, "A fine bottle of 2001 Coumeille, Domaine Des Schistes Cotes du Roussillon" he replied as if I had given an invitation to order drinks. In hindsight, a poor choice to go with a bowl of boiled Capybara entrails.

Later that day I noticed a city slicker visitor who after the briefest of pleasantries Gas beckoned to sit and he proceeded to cut his hair, well I ask you, what would you have thought? I am as broadminded as bandwidth will allow, however, that night I slept with ?'cheeks clenched' if you get my meaning.

The next day Gas standing on the porch cast aside his pitchfork and I thought to maintain his balance picked up the latest Sears catalogue, "Here boy" he no more than whispered in a high state of excitement. Pointing to the ?'Luxury Accessories' section he directed me with all speed to the emporium of Miss Kitty with instructions to collect his special purchase.

I had ample time to contemplate the nature of his impulse purchase whilst walking the nine miles into town, arriving as darkness fell. Upon entering the brightly lit although discretely placed off street door my sensibilities were somewhat strained by the risky merchandise on display. "I have come to collect for Gas" I said in the deepest voice circumstances would allow. "I'll fill her out back," said Miss Kitty. Who it must be said, looked remarkably like that city slicker.

"Git yer ass out here I aint got all night," resonated around the wooden structure a few minutes later as Miss Kitty wished to conclude our business. Upon seeing her in the eerie glow emitted by the now floating purchase, I hastily concurred. "What is it?" I enquired with the certain knowledge that whatever the answer might be I was not going to find it agreeable.

I did not hear a reply if indeed one was forthcoming as I was engrossed in reading the contents of the now abandoned box. One larger than life, fully functioning female companion. ?'Pump it up and see it glow in the dark'. "No way am I gonna be seen carrying that affront to common decency" I said, in a tone close to screaming.
"Don't fret yourself, I have tied some fish line to her foot, it's so dark no one will ever know she is with you" said Miss Kitty, who for a fleeting moment I thought I recognized from an old Humphrey Bogart poster I had seen in the New York subway.

Slowly I started my return journey with this ?'scary thing' hovering some 40 feet in the air. An urgent call of nature forced me to tie her to a hitching rail next to an empty parking lot. Upon my return, I could not fail to notice the absence of luminescence from my charge. I searched in vain until I saw the truck Gas drives parked nearby, fearing retribution I stumbled through the darkness outta town. I guess I will never knowed what became of the scarey thang and set path for my grandma in Tulsa, which I hope to reach in 24 hours.