I need some guidance Please!!

My spouse and I had a turbulent relationship, he has been done asp many bad thing, but I still love him or at least who he seemed to be. He has gotten in trouble with the law recently when he smashed the Windows out of my truck while I was sitting in it. I have no family or friends, no external support but me. I know this is a toxic relationship he has told so many lies to people , about me likes me they were his friends to begin with anyways, and they aren’t even good people. I did n’t share our dirty laundry.l
I know that I can’t and don’t want to be with him I just think of all that he has done. The emotional stress he has causes me, has my mental health to plunge and I lost my job because I couldn’t get my out of bed most mornings. My thoughts were so scrambled. I know he doesn’t want me back because he never has I believe he only uses me for whatever he is in need of . On two separate occasions he Has chose other women over me and told me he didn’t love or care about me but then after awhile he rebuttal that, he even told me when he proposed that he didn’t mean it, I never even said anything about getting engaged, but he didn’t even put any effort into getting me the ring I went and picked it out and physically picked it up from the store all he did was pay for it by giving me the money.
He has moved out on me at least twice without telling me I finished work he called me from an hour and a half away end told me he moved another time , I was in the bedroom painting he was going yo help but complained the whole time I came out of the room and he was gone. He was texting and talking two of his exes behind my back for months. Then when I said them or me he chose them. Whenever he leaves me he runs to a woman he says is just a friend well now she’s his surety so he is with her a lot I can’t speak to him I text him and he called the police on me. That’s not something you do to someone you love . What the hell is wrong with me . Am I really that desperate? I know this man is absolutely horrible, I don’t think he has ever told me the truth only lies. relationship but I love him, or I think I do. How can I get through this.