In love with an escort

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Hi everyone and thanks in advance for taking the time for reading my post. So, as the title says, I'm kinda in love with an escort and I don't know what to do. First, a brief introduction. I'm a middle age man with basically no experience with women due to a complicated life (mostly family issues not involving drugs or booze) which has always been a big issue for me. Over the years I have become more and more introverted to the point that I basically do not socalize with nobody anymore. I have been away from my country and my old friends for several years and very often I do not speak to anybody for days. No family, no friends, nobody. This is why I decided to look for some advice online. I have good education, a good job and several hobbies including sports. The latest help me a lot to get rid of stress and overthinking about my life at least while I'm doing it. Also, like many of us,
I'm quite depressed to the point that I'm sometimes suicidal. I plan how to end this misery. Now to the point...I'm really not proud of this and I feel very ashamed about it but sometimes I really need some human contact, it's not even need for sex, simply to have someone on my side, a bit of intimacy, and therefore from time to time I find some help by paying escorts. This is how delusional loneliness can make you... During one of my latest lonely holidays, I met this escort and we both decided to stay in touch. After few weeks the thing started to fade away because we were in different countries I suppose, then something happened and I decided to break it but since then I always have been still invloved mentally. We never forgot eachother and last month I decided to contact her. There's still that spark but I don't know what to do. I don't care about her profession, we all have reasons to do what we do and I also would like to improve her life in this aspect. I already consider my life a failure and settling like this is not the best outcome anyone would like to have. My main fear is that what I feel for her is coming from my loneliness because I cannot tell anymore what is to be in love especially being as miserable as I am but I also know that in my position I don't have many options, well let's say none. Hopefully I explained myself clearly enough. What would you do? Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks

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@atlas1984,

You need counseling, if you're not already getting it.

Your loneliness and probable depression (I am not a doctor) are something for a doctor to treat, just like you would get a doctor to set a broken leg.

It's clouding your thoughts and potentially your judgment. This is not to say that you can't have genuine feelings for this person. And they may very well have them for you in return. But they are however many hundreds (thousands?) of miles from you. The distance does nothing to help with your loneliness.

And recognize that this woman's job is quite literally to pay attention to lonely people and build them up. And before you say that it's different because you're texting, they could be keeping in contact because it's free and, potentially, they have you as a sure client if you return to their country. Or even as, eventually, a way to leave their home. You have no idea if they're playing a long game.

You don't know anything about them beyond what they do for a living. And because their job is to make people like you feel good, it's easy to let your imagination and your hopes run away with you.

Get counseling. And I hope that, apart from what you had owed her for her services, you haven't given her any money.

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@atlas1984,

I agree with Jespah. I personally have no problem with your use of prostitutes, but you have to realize that the relationship you have with her is a financial relationship. No matter what happens, this relationship will always be a financial relationships. This is nl
Ot a way to find a meaningful long term relationship.

You should see a therapist for your depression.

Then when you are ready for a real relationship, you can find one in a more healthy way.

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When my ship docked in Yokosuka, a very young sailor went on liberty that first evening. He met a woman working on the strip. She was nice to him and charming. He proposed to her and she accepted. I heard him the next day tell a friend, "I know she loves me because -" I didn't get the full statement, but you can see where he was going. That evening when he went to be with her she was with another man and she completely ignored him. He survived it and went on to have a bit of fun other times.

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@atlas1984,

Hi agreeing with the others - just a couple of things I wanted to add -- also please please call a suicide prevention hot line if you start feeling really bad, depressed, suicidal. I am not sure which country you are in but hopefully there is a number you can reach out to.

And secondly

Quote:

I'm really not proud of this and I feel very ashamed about it but sometimes I really need some human contact,

There is no reason to be ashamed. This is normal - you are human and we all need some human contact. So do not be ashamed for feeling and acting as you should.

Please do get some counseling - you can get over this depression and a therapist is in the best position to help you. Like jespah said mental health issues should have the same care as physical health issues.

None of the above is anything to be ashamed

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