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Friends or affair?

 
 
lbunny
 
Reply Fri 2 Jul, 2021 06:27 am
I met this guy 5 years ago through work. He’s married with kids. But we really hit it off as friends.
About 5 months into knowing him, his wife was out of town one weekend and I invited him to a Memorial Day party. We had both been drinking so we stayed and ended up sleeping together. He had no guilt whatsoever and fully wanted to continue seeing each other.
We had sex the following day also. We still work together and talk as friends but it’s more than that for him. He’s told me he would leave his wife if I wanted to be with him.
He’s very open about his relationship with his wife. He says she’s not affectionate the way he needs her to be, she’s very boring in bed, isn’t there sexually or emotionally. They don’t kiss, touch, cuddle, don’t even text during the day or say I love you. Says she’s a good mom to their 3 kids but he isn’t in it for her.
The 2 times we slept together he told me it was fun and exciting and how great I was in bed and he’s been craving more ever since. He feels like he can tell me anything on his mind. Shortly after that night he told me he wanted to leave her because he couldn’t keep me off his mind.
I do have feelings for him and I do want to sleep with him, have felt this way for the last few years. He’s all over me when we are on jobs alone and I just tell him I can’t do it because I don’t know if I want to risk falling for him. I know it’s wrong to want him but I don’t want to hurt anyone although it’s too late for that.
Do I forget how his wife would feel if she found out/he left her for my own guilty pleasure?
Continue to avoid the feelings and be friends?
Cut off all contact?
HELP!!!!
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Jul, 2021 06:47 am
@lbunny,
You're already in an affair. You're already ignoring how she feels, and how their kids would feel.

He's also telling you everything we've ever heard guys having an affair say to the other woman.
  1. I can tell you anything
  2. I'd leave my wife if I could, but.... (insert excuse here - his is the kids; but the real reason is nearly always money - divorce is expensive and right now his wife would likely get the kids for the most part if he's full-time working and she's not - so he'd be paying support and possibly alimony as well. If he strings you along, then he gets to **** and keep his cash)
  3. She's cold
  4. We don't sleep together anymore
  5. But when we do (er, doesn't that contradict #4?), she's unimaginative
  6. I can't stop thinking about you...
  7. … but let's not get too close
I would tell you that you're being played (because you are), but you don't want to hear that. But eventually you will see what a waste of time and energy and tears this all is - and how it's keeping you from meeting men who really will be available for you.
lbunny
 
  0  
Reply Fri 2 Jul, 2021 08:14 am
@jespah,
Okay maybe I should’ve been more descriptive, I have feelings for him but not crying over him like I can’t live without him. I wouldn’t be upset if I never saw him again because I view him as a friend although I am attracted to him.
I feel guilty for ever putting myself in that position because it’s not the kind of person that I am.. I’ve told him not to leave his wife because it would hurt him in the long run for all the reasons that you’ve stated.
Maybe it came across the wrong way, I slept with him 5 years ago and nothing since sexual/affectionate since.
He can’t stop thinking about me, I don’t want to get too close.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jul, 2021 01:30 pm
You admit you aren’t that attached to him. It’s been a roll in the hay for you and you could go on your way, no harm done.

Get another job. This guy’s a train wreck and he wants you as his co- engineer.
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