Soulmate or..

Hy everybody. I am new on the forum and from Europe. I am sorry for my English.

I am a girl (lesbian), 28 years old. Since 2020 I have been dating girls and women from online apps after I finally confess myself that I am a lesbian. After couple of dates I met a women that was 12 years older than me. We met and all went fine, we spent 5 hours together in a bar. On our departure from bar I felt that she wasn't interested in me to met me again. I have send her a message day after that I am glad to met her and she replied with a few short and cold sentenced. I didn't want to bother her and I have decided not to write to her again. After a couple of days she have sent me some messages. We replied each other at intervals of several hours. I answered superficially and somehow lost interest as she did. The communication stopped on her side when she did not respond on the last message. I kind of forgot about it in the meantime.


And then it started... until today


A week later I met up with a friend and she asked me about some girls how it went on dates. And so I started talking about who I had all met lately and mentioned her too. I talked a little about her and all of a sudden I couldn’t get her out of my head. I came home and started to wonder what is she doing, I analyzed the encounter in my head, why she hasn’t responded for 10 days.. and so on. Day after I fell in love with her. A deep, real, unique emotions that I have ever felt. This time the strongest so far. I haven't been in love for 4 years and all of sudden these felling came to me when I least expected it. I was convinced that it had to be mutual, otherwise it can't be that strong. And it was but she felt it latter than me, 3 weeks latter.

She soon began to reply to messages.
She was obviously confused, as was I. It came suddenly , so strongly, there was a big difference in age, and so many other things. We both began to respond quickly to messages, tried to initiate a meeting but neither was condemned. Then a retreat began on my part and hers. Communication stopped, questions stopped, we both got scared, never seeing each other again. A couple of months after that, she started appearing to me on apps, social media, letting me know to contact her. But I didn't, neither did she to me.

That bitter taste remains what it would be if it were. A year has passed and the feeling is still strong. How is that possible, that we felt it after only one encounter, why we reacted like that, both, without the slightest courage, as if life was not just one.

Is she love of my life? Who is she to me and I to her?