Cheating: Unable to forgive and move past it!

Long story short here's my dilemma. My wife and I have been together some almost 20 years. Married for the past 11. My wife cheated on me before we got married. I was mad but I got past it. I cheated on her after we got married. It was not an affair but just a one time thing with a girl I met on the internet.
Back during the Craigslist days. That was some 7 or 8 years ago and she still can't get past it. She feels that what happened before the marriage shouldn't count as much as what happens after the marriage. We have gone to several counselors to work through it because she feels I'm not truly sorry for what I did. Granted, she's holding me to a higher standard than what I help her to. I've apologized in private and in front of the 3 or 4 different counselors we seen but she still doesn't think I'm sincere enough. I'm not sure what she wants at this point. Me to break down in tears and curl up in the fetal position on the floor? But again that was 8 years ago. How long do you have to keep apologizing for the same thing? Several have told me that at this point it's not my problem anymore but it's her problem. She can't get past it so she is the one who needs counseling. We started with a new counselor last week and that first session was geared totally towards what I did to her. But at what point do I say to them both that we're not having communication issues because of my cheating but because of the fact that she can't seem to get past it after 8 years. That doesn't absolve me of anything I did but you can't throw rocks then hide your hands when you know your past is not squeaky clean. She met up with an old military friend of hers because he was in town and he wanted to reconnect and talk. Instead of meeting at a coffee shop or the park he got a hotel room and she went there to meet him. One thing lead to another and well, you know the rest. At what point do I put my foot down in counseling and say enough is enough? I'm not going to keep reliving what I did in the past when I forgave her and moved on from what she did? At what point does she have to look at herself to figure out why she can't move past it?