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online fall out left my daughter vulnerable

 
 
Reply Tue 13 Apr, 2021 03:12 pm
I have posted this same thing on parentingforums.org

sorry in advance for the long post.
I have given myself a fake second name for privacy

My teenage daughter has spoken to me about this so I am just telling you what she has essentially told me. She met someone online from wales (which is where some of our other family are from) in November last year during lockdown. They have never met in person yet (but had plans to) and were sensible in that they video called and then got to know eachother, then became very close and even became boyfriend and girlfriend. Through misunderstandings and lack of proper communication skills, fallouts were frequent and gradually got drastically worse to the point that it was abusive. My daughter only ever retaliated and from what I can tell never did anything wrong. I believe it was because it was too easy for them to have gotten to that stage because it was online, didn't know eachother in person, so he didn't bother putting in the effort in a way. My daughter knew better, but now they don't talk and have eachother blocked. The fallouts created a lot of drama, my daughters now got a bad name among him and his friends, rumours have been spreading around his school and area, which my daughter found out when she was involved in a group chat with mutual friends, who now have her blocked as well. I believe it's unfair to my daughter and we both want to clear her name. Especially because as it turns out, his friends have been prying to get more private information about my daughter, which has revealed her identity and whereabouts she lives, leaving her vulnerable. I was contemplating getting the police involved, but I didn't think there was anything they could do, since the information is already 'out there.' Both my daughter and I agree, as I am sure her now ex boyfriend does, that having a proper conversation and leaving things on good terms would be best to iron out the issues, even if the result is that they're no longer friends, because I'm aware that people can be different offline than they are online and are less likely to be abusive in person. My daughter knows exactly where he lives, but I just can't decide if it would be such a bad idea to arrive at his house next time we go to visit family after lockdown, it seems a bit crazy, but sort of sensible too, or am I out of my mind? I thought it might just scare him into doing the right thing. The plan is for my daughter to come to the door, me to watch from the car nearby, his mum will answer and she will ask for him to 'hang out', then I can follow them to the park. I know it might not go to plan though, so don't know what to do there. She knows his mums Facebook account name which she has passed on to me in case I want to contact her. Would it be best to contact her before arriving? I have no idea if she is a reasonable person.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 246 • Replies: 2
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Ragman
 
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Reply Tue 13 Apr, 2021 03:20 pm
@samantha Taylor,
Just say no.

Seriously, what would’ve gained by meeting? Nothing good will come from a meeting. They are not suitable to be in a relationship of any sort from the info provided. Why expose your daughter than she already has experienced so far. This shouldn’t continue.

That’s one mans opinion.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2021 01:12 pm
Believe it or not your daughter is very much in control of the situation.

She should ...

Just block everyone. Get off social media. Totally completely with him and anyone that he knows.

Just fade away from everything.

They sound like kids and they will find another “victim” very soon and your daughter will be forgotten.

Let it go. It was a bad dream that got bigger than it really is or was.

Sticks and Stones, you know.
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