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Things got very heated with my upstairs neighbor last night, was I out of line?

 
 
Dsg1116
 
Reply Sat 10 Apr, 2021 07:56 am

I live in a downstairs unit, building has two floors. I own and the tenant above me rents, prior to her there was another tenant that lived there. Before I rant and complain about noise, I’ve lived in apts my whole life. Prior to moving here, I only recall living in one place where the upstairs neighbors were terrible because they had little children. This neighbor and the previous one are single, live alone but do have guests. My current neighbor is also in her mid twenties; which I found out yesterday. I thought the previous neighbor was a prick doing it intentionally but it isn’t any better with this neighbor. This tenant, for now, is only noisy when she has guests. Based on yesterday’s confrontation, I’m not sure how she’s going to act moving forward. I first approached this upstairs neighbors fall time last year, when she was home alone about the noise. My issue is when it’s noisy past 10 PM, the cops have confirmed there’s such a thing as quiet hours. As I explained myself yesterday, I know there may not be sufficient soundproofing but there should be some consideration in the late hours.

Like I said, I approached my current neighbor for the first time fall last year when she was home alone. The second time, she had friends over late for Christmas and I approached her that time too. The next day, she apologized, we exchanged names and she said to knock on her door if there’s an issue again. Fast forward later in Jan 21, she has this woman over and the woman has a heavy foot/dropping things late. Per her request, I knocked on the door and she did not answer, even though she told me to knock if there’s issues. So I was offended and call the cops, the cop stops by and speaks with her upstairs. This cop is familiar with me, he came by in 2020 when I complained about the previous neighbor. I found out yesterday the cop apparently told her that I did the same thing with the previous neighbor.

Last night, she had people over and the tv could be heard through the walls/loud laughing. I was annoyed, as the same instance took place last Sunday but I kept my mouth shut. I call the cops because knocking on the door is useless based on my attempt to speak with her in Jan. The cop calls me in advance to speak over the phone, trying to minimize contact due to covid versus approaching me in person. I give him a run down and he says that this is to be expected in apt living. I told him yes to a degree but there should be consideration in the late night. He agreed but I could tell he was sticking to his initial point.

He comes by, knocks on her door and politely says there’s a noise complaint. She says “Figures. Thank you Officer we will turn it down”. And the second she closes the door, the music goes back on. I was not having it, I open the door and yell to him from my place as he was still outside. She opens the door, her guests were nearby listening and it got very confrontational.

I was not cussing but my tone was very stern and according to the officer “rude”. I mentioned again my concern with noise in the late hours. My neighbor had a party in the daytime around a month ago, she warned me in advance and I said okay. My point being is there is not an issue, considering it’s not taking place late. She was just focusing on how she was so considerate to tell me in advance, missing the fact that I am aggravated with her other instances of being loud late. She mentioned that last time when the cop came over, she told me to knock on her door but I quickly chipped in and reiterated how she ignored me. She started crying (crocodile tears) and her friend consoled her. Telling her “don’t cry she isn’t worth it”. I said something smart and she told me to shut up, I can’t remember what I said.

The neighbor was playing the victim saying she’s 25 and young, I said “oh and I’m not?” The other guy that was with her approached me and said he turned the music down. She is missing the point that the issue is doing this late in the night, wanted to exchange numbers with me so I can tell her when there’s a problem. But clearly I was told to knock on her door last time and she did not acknowledge me. My tone was very direct and the cop said I was being rude, not helping the situation. Saying that we need to get along and find a way to work each other’s schedules. And telling me that she is allowed to have guests over late, there’s a caveat to silent hours (10PM-6AM). I came across as the villain here and I thought it was unfair. The friend that was bitchy with me ended up leaving while the cop was the still there and the other guy staying till around 2 AM today. I could tell she was upset when the cop left, the door slammed and I could hear talking. Shortly after, she and the guy went out for food and came back. I could hear when he left, it quieted down after that. I am worried that she’s going to make my life hell now. I just feel l need to stand my ground, I don’t get why she’s crying. As I said yesterday, if the shoe was on the other foot I would have liked to see how that would’ve played out. The cop was saying she’s nice and trying to be accommodating, I never said she wasn’t nice I just said she and her guests are noisy in the late hours.

I was close to selling my place earlier this year but did not want this woman to chase me out of my home. I do feel bad, I have never had confrontation with a neighbor to this degree and it doesn’t feel nice. I want to avoid her every chance I get moving forward. I just don’t want her to make noise intentionally because of yesterday’s tiff. AITA? I would appreciate everyone’s perspective.
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 186 • Replies: 7
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Apr, 2021 06:54 am
Did you really think a 25 year old thinks 10 pm is time to “shut things down?” Wrong tenant for your place!

Some suggestions:

Install ceiling sound barrier in your place.

Install carpeting in her place.

Ear plugs for you after 10 pm.

Exchange units so you are upstairs.

Evict her and rent to senior citizen.

Sleeping pill for you.

And - For god’s sake, stop calling the police! They’ve got other things to do.

izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Apr, 2021 07:11 am
@PUNKEY,
Over here the police don’t come out for noise, that’s the local council.

If someone keeps calling the police out for no good reason they’re liable to be arrested for wasting police time.
0 Replies
 
Dsg1116
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Apr, 2021 06:29 am
@PUNKEY,
I’m 26 and as quiet as they come..
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Apr, 2021 07:29 am
@Dsg1116,
Dsg1116 wrote:

I’m 26 and as quiet as they come..


Everyone has different lifestyles - if it is just heavy walking like you said and it is just here there - like on a weekend - just deal with it. You need to make compromises on your side too. Get a noise canceler - they are very inexpensive and makes white noise so these types of noises help you. We bring one with us when we go to hotels for just his reason.

Your neighbor should make compromises but so should you. It is not unreasonable to be up after 10pm on a weekend so you might just need to suck it up a bit. Now if it was happening every night then yes I can see your point, but it seems it is not the case. It also seems this neighbor has tried to work with you by telling you to come upstairs and knock - why they did not answer before? I am not sure -- did you ask? Maybe your neighbor was in the bathroom at the time. Who knows? But if you want to have a good comfortable time in your place it is best to clear the air.

I suggest you see if you too could meet over coffee or something - you should apologize for calling the police - in my opinion that is a bit extreme under the circumstances. Say lets try to reach a compromise - and be kind to this person - it is the best way to work things out --- and buy a noise canceler if you do not like much noise, otherwise move into a house where you do not have anyone living above you or directly next to you.
Dsg1116
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Apr, 2021 07:48 am
@Linkat,
She was simply ignoring the last time I knocked on the door. I heard her talking to the other woman, she quieted down shortly after but ignored me knocking. She was a good actress with the cop and is full of it, painting herself as the considerate one but she’s not. I’m just asking for some consideration in the late hours but she fails to acknowledge that
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Apr, 2021 09:26 am
@Dsg1116,
Dsg1116 wrote:

She was simply ignoring the last time I knocked on the door. I heard her talking to the other woman, she quieted down shortly after but ignored me knocking. She was a good actress with the cop and is full of it, painting herself as the considerate one but she’s not. I’m just asking for some consideration in the late hours but she fails to acknowledge that


Well you have a choice here - either learn to get along or move. To me, it would seem better if you gave an olive branch. Maybe you find she is really a nice person? Perhaps she is looking for a little consideration on her side as well? Is it fair that she has to walk on egg shells fearful that a simple drop of a book that you will flip out? If she quietly quieted down after your knocking then why did you call the police? Maybe she just felt that it would be embarrassing to have someone "talk" to her about noise that due to her lifestyle (which could be normal to 90% of the people but not to you) in front of a friend?

Try the noise canceler and maybe have a nice conversation with her. It is easier to deal nicely with someone once you get to know them a little. Unfortunately apartment style living you will hear other people - it is just a fact. And there needs to be compromises on both sides.

But if you are unwilling to compromise on your side then you may have to move. Maybe this lifestyle of living with close quarters to someone else is just not a good fit for you. You say you are as quiet as they come - so it is likely you enjoy quiet so this living situation may just not work for you.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Apr, 2021 08:27 am
@Dsg1116,
I am 100% with you on this one. I think she's probably a spoiled brat who wasn't taught or didn't learn consideration. Everyone who has ever rented an apartment would know that when you're above someone else or when someone has said your tv, music, or friends are too loud, you try to tone it down. And that goes double when there's a noise ordinance. It's just plain courtesy to be considerate of others in the building. What if she woke up someone's child or interrupted someone studying? It's just rude.

I don't think you need to speak to her again - but the others' suggestions are good ones. Get some ear plugs or sound barrier. Truly. She will likely not be the last tenant to annoy you. And the carpeting would help with the foot steps.

I have neighbours next door to my house who invite their grandchildren over all the time. During nice weather, they are outside, screaming and yelling and fighting. One day, it was so loud that my girlfriend and I couldn't even have a conversation on my deck. I had to go over there and tell my neighbour about it. I think it's the first time I've ever complained to him and I've been here 13 years. Whatever he said to them worked.

Good luck.
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