Advice on a guy

Ok, i'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

Myself (30) and a younger lad (20) began talking late 2019/early 2020. Quickly bonded and he was into me. I really liked him too. He asked me out april 2020, I said that as he's only 20 and I want kids, it may be complicated. As such I rejected him. We stayed friends until August 2020 but throughout that time he maintained he wanted to date me. Flirted a lot of the time. Spoke every day. We didn't meet during this time due to Covid lockdown but we'd been talking over SC and we knew what eachother looked like. Had had phone sex and cam sex etc. He told me that I was the only person he wanted to be with.

Then we kept falling out and parted ways for a month Aug - Sept. It was a bad fall out. He told me he hated me etc. I reached out to him Sept and realised i'd been an idiot. We met, had a laugh. I realised I really did like him but he was cautious. He said he had 'cut' everything he had for me. I said I could see why we had got on so well and friends could be good (as I didn't want to go in guns blazing) but he just said he didn't and was glad I did. We spoke often again (not daily), then met up once more for his birthday, and hooked up. I blew it here and made it a 'feelings' hookup and not a 'fun' hookup. We had fun regardless, he said he had a good night but I said he didnt have to do that just because i'd bought him something. After that he started to become distant but I tried to come on more strongly and he pulled away further, stating he had no physical interest in me any more.

Eventually I said I was seeing someone else. He said this was ok but his demeanour changed and he really put distance between us after that (which makes me think he wasn't over me). I tried to keep up the friendship but we stopped talking.

Then I heard he'd been in trouble. I reached out, sent him a sweet Christmas card and he confessed he was having issues with the lad he was seeing. At this point I realised friends wouldn't work for me and I wanted to be with him. He started to flirt with me and talk sex, he wanted phone sex but I said no as he was seeing someone else. When they broke it off, I told him how I felt but he said that the phone sex and confidential talks didn't mean anything and that he just wants mates.

We continued talking and he asked me for help. Two months later and we talk every day throughout the day (contact is initiated fairly by both), we see eachother 2-4 times a week (we don't hook up but we do 'cute' things like I play with his hair and we're often playful). He still insists he just wants mates, i've been clear I want to be with him. He occasionally still flirts and tries to make me jealous but he is seeing other guys despite the fact he doesn't talk to me about it. Then other times if I try to flirt sexually he may go distant (he does play along now and then). I buy him things (he's living below the poverty line), support him and if he's in trouble he comes to me mostly just to talk it through and for support; he's only asked for money once and didn't take it when I offered.

I've tried to take space but he freaks out in a "I don't want to be on my own" way (not a, who will help me, way) and within a day or two always contacts me. If I cancel a hangout, his reaction is normally bad. We have a weekly organised meet where we get food and talk or watch a film that we've been doing for most of the couple of months.

When I asked him about being in a relationship, he said he's never had guy friends that he can just hang out with and that's it and that he thinks we'll last longer like this than if we go further. He agrees we make each other happy, that we're close and that he likes our current relationship. When friends have spoken to him, he's also said age and that i'm not his type of guy... so mixed messages as literally two months ago he was flirting and we have a very close bond. He's very kinky submissive (i'm more vanilla but not adverse). He's been in only abusive and heavily sexual relationships in the past and is frequently abandoned or let down by people he trusts/relies on. He has a sad history of being abused physically.

We've got to a point where I am a little frustrated as I feel like the situation is stunted because it seems like we're 75% of the way to dating. Sex isn't the priority for me as I really do like him alot and we get on very well. It feels right to me to be together and it obviously felt right to him not that long ago.

Any advice? Anyone being in a similar situation? I know I won't get past him being this close but I also don't want to let him down as, friends or not, he would always be important to me. I'm thinking of talking to him and saying something has to give as he can't 'keep me' without either giving me space to grow and heal or committing the last couple of steps on his part.