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Is my first song good?

 
 
Reply Fri 12 Feb, 2021 12:59 pm
You used to come over every friday after work
Ask me bout my day
You used to say I was your everything

You would take me out when things were tough
Would make me laugh when I didn't want to smile
so some days I can't help but wonder
if you ever think back to those days

When we’d cruise down the fast lane
listening to george strait
We didn't care how late it was
Cause we had so much time to waste

You said I was your everything
But guess you didn't mean it babe
Cause now your calling her babe

Cause baby it's the fast lane

Yea its the fast lane

There we were
Summer 2018
Cruizen down main
With nothing to do

Your bright blue eyes sure took me by surprise
I honestly thought we had forever in our hands
Could see myself walking down the aisle
In a long white dress and a new last name


But now when im out
And our song turns on
It brings me back to when were together
All the time


When we’d cruise down the fast lane
Listing to george straight
We didn't care how late it was
Cause we had so much time to waste

My momma stayed up late
She was scared straight
Wondering when I was comin home

But we were on the fast lane


The fast lane


yea you used to say
I was your number one
I was there for you
And you were there for me



When you quit callen
It really hit me hard cause...



My parents really liked you
My sister was okay with you
So tell me how I tell them
what You told me



Cause every single night
It was me sitting shotgun
Radio up…
Thinking damn I really like him



When you looked at me you were thinking
Hashtag future wife goals
So tell me what the hell happened
When you quit callin me




But I don't know why I ask
Cause I already know
You were with that girl
Thats everything I want to be


But now you're cruisin down the fast lane
Listening to george straight
And could care less about me


But I guess thats just the fast lane



Yea the fast lane




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Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 429 • Replies: 5
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Feb, 2021 02:29 pm
Too many stories in this song. Stick to one theme.

There are some good lines in this song, however. Keep writing!!
knaivete
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Feb, 2021 06:34 pm
0 Replies
 
kayleighroth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Feb, 2021 11:08 am
@PUNKEY,
okay thanks! btw im only 13 lol so i have never done this before
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 24 Feb, 2021 06:15 am
@kayleighroth,
It’s hard to say without looking at the i I shed article, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with your poem, as a thirteen year old you should feel proud.

There is a story going around that when Donna Summer released I feel Love Brian Eno bought a copy and took it straight to David Bowie proclaiming it to be the future of music for the next ten years or so, and Bowie agreed.

It is one of the stand out songs of the 70s using a synthesiser so complicated it came with its own engineer who had worked out how to do things its inventor wasn’t aware of.

The lyrics are repetitive, basically, I feel love, Falling free, You and me, and a few others repeated over and over. At first light they look bad, and on their own they’re not up to much, yet coupled with trance music they are perfect and sum up the heady State one is in when one falls in love perfectly.

Keep at it, and don’t get disheartened.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 24 Feb, 2021 08:30 am
@izzythepush,
Finished article, not i I shed article, damn spellcheck.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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