Tue 26 Jan, 2021 12:16 pm
Can't figure out if I'm gay or not. Need some input.
I'm a guy, and I grew up thinking I was straight, but with a twist. My sexual awakening was for anthropomorphic animals, or in other words, cartoon animals with human-like intelligence, personality and facial expressions. I don't know why, but they are practically designed to be appealing, so why not? And no, I am not attracted to real animals at all.
I'm fine with all that, but here is where it gets confusing. I was always more interested in male characters than female ones, and I still am. The vast majority of my fantasies are about male anthropomorphic animals or creatures. I get attached to them like a normal couple would to each other I suppose. I find their male features, like broad chests and muscles to be very attractive, even when they resemble human males. I also like their more male-like personalities. Basically, as long as they have fur or scales and a head that doesn't look too human, I'm all for them.
Around my early teenage years I had a male friend my age who would sometimes wear a tight pair of sweatpants that would sometimes show off his bulge. On the days when I would hang out with him I remember wishing he'd be wearing those pants. I'd often sneak glances at his bulge and it was very arousing to me. There was nothing else about him that was arousing to me really, but just seeing him in those tight pants. Admitting this to myself is very difficult. It kind of makes me feel a bit sick, to be honest.
When I was a teenager I fantasized about pretty girls from school and stuff. I'd get nervous and freeze up around them like any straight guy would, but I never had any desire to have sex with them. I'm so inexperienced that just imagining a girl actively wanting to be alone with me in a room has been enough to set me off.
Fast forward to today. I'm 36. I have never done anything sexual or romantic with anyone. The girlfriend fantasy stopped being a thing around 5 years ago. It's not appealing to me anymore. I fantasize almost exclusively about male anthropomorphic animals. However, for the past year I've started to have fantasies of cuddling, kissing and doing sexual stuff with faceless, shapeless human guys. I've been daydreaming about gay guys hitting on me, and how I would respond to that. I have also been posing as a gay guy in anoymous chat rooms, just so I can talk to other gay guys. I find that I enjoy chatting with them a lot more than I do with women.
Since I've never been seen with a girl, people draw their own conclusions, and I'm pretty sure everyone I know think I'm gay. All of this compounded makes me wonder. Am I "becoming" gay, is it a phase, or will I continue to live in some kind of weird gray zone?