I'm confused about my sexuality/personality

Yes this is long but I've tried to condense it for you, thank you so much I'd love a reply, advice or anything appreciated. <3


Hello, I am a 23 y.o male and am very confused about my sexuality.
Since I remember I was attracted to girls and still feel I am.
Although I've had many crushes on girls I met in school and outside, I never really had a "love relationship" with a girl or boy because I lacked confidence and didn't feel ready to have on.
Today it has been almost a year that I had a feeling that i would be gay. If that was the case, it would have been okay, except the whole idea was not only about realizing my attraction for boys or girls but a sudden idea of change of personality and becoming gay in my voice, actions, clothing style etc... Everything has been a challenge to overcome fears and become this very queer and gay person which is fine but is so sudden and feel like it's a kind of defence mechanism.I have been wearing make-up, wearing heels, a few flamboyant accesorries and tried to flirt wih men but something feels empty like it's what my mind tells me to do but doesn't feel natural and feels uncomfortable compared to what I experienced and liked with girls when I flirted with them.
I feel like there is a constant increase of the challenge which makes them harder to overcome and today (has been for a while now, about 2 months) my need is to go towards older men (above 60 usually) and usually not very attractive. I feel like it's a case of trying to be able to love and appreciate any type of physique regardless of looks. I also have some ideas of wearing sexually orientated clothes like skirts and explicit t-shirts with "slut" "bitch" etc... on them.
The only real feeling of attraction I have is still with girls; around my age, smell nice, good looks (in my opinion at least). I think sexually I am only attracted to girls but mentally the idea with guys and older men
I don't know what to think about these ideas and desires because I still and only feel sexually attracted to girls, the rest of the time I'm building the desire up for older men because I feel the need to do it and although the idea stimulates my brain very much it doesn't turn me on sexually so it's quite difficult to act on it and show myself in this manner when it's driven by my brain and as I said feels like a defence mechanism.
Thank you for your time and empathy reading this.
Of course I would appreciate your honest opinion on my situation.
Kindly and queerly
G