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Tue 13 Oct, 2020 06:25 pm
So ive been having an affair with a married man now for almost 3 years and recently we've been arguing a lot.
Most recently he rejected my sexual advances saying "I can't" with a cheeky look on his face. He had either had some that morning or was going to get it that night. Either way he couldn't sleep with me in the same day.
I dont know what to do. This isn't the first time he's done this even though he's not slept with her for almost a year he does get the occasional blow job. I was ok with that until it came to occasions like these where he's choosing her over me.
I've tried to look past it, after all, I am the affair but he's told me he loves me, is in love with me and we have so much in common and such intertwined lives its untrue. Surprisingly no one's rumbled us but I think that's because we come across as such great friends.
He used to make 'wifey' comments but now doesn't. He used to tell me how much I meant to him, thats few and far between. He's told me "I'm not sure how I feel about you calling me sexy" he's told me he only tells me stuff that goes on in his personal life because I ask. He repeatedly tells me he still loves his wife but can't see himself growing old with her because she's boring. I feel like I am the fun time girl, who's good a sex and gets on really well with him but its just not enough for him to want to leave her. Yes there's two kids who are late teens. Yes there's a family home and money involved. But we talk daily, he's such a massive part of my life I treat him like a boyfriend and his family and friends all know me since knowing him.
How the wife hasnt quizzed and questioned him I dont know. I think she's so sure he won't actually leave her because if he was going to then he would have done it already. She doesn't like my name when it comes up but he pays for everything for her so why would she walk away. They get on well, except for the no sex, but she obliges with BJ on request, which when you're getting bills paid and holidays brought for you you couldn't argue with her logic.
But where does that leave me? What do I do now? If I call it off there's a chance he'll jump at it. We've argued and before he would send a lovely typed up declaration of his love or a picture quote, now I dont get any of that. Its like he kinda wants me to get more distant soni make the cut. But I dont want to. If I call it off I may never get him back and I dont think I'm ready for that. But I dont want to carry on this affair, I want him to leave her and be with me but its looking more and more unlikely recently.
Help please, I have no one to talk to about this. My friends are all bored with my upset and wish I would stop all this and find someone available
@ScarletWoman12345678,
Your friends are right.
The chances of him ever leaving her, even when things were good, were slim and none.
You are wasting your time. Next year, you'll wish you left today.
@ScarletWoman12345678,
walk away run and don't get involved with a man that already has a wife or girlfriend. I don't care their situation --- even if you end up with them in the end, they cheated on their significant other so he already has shown he is not faithful - what would make you think he would be faithful to you? Why would you want a cheater?
@ScarletWoman12345678,
Straightforward he’s using you and you’re enabling his behavior...making you accept your being played as second fiddle.
Think of this: the longer you’re with him, the further away you are from finding a person that can be loyal and fulfill more if your needs. Those increasing arguments are happening for a reason, so stop putting up with the bullshit.
Thank you to all of you who have replied.
I agree and feel like walking away would be best but I just don't know how to do it.
He says he loves me but when I reach out to him in romantic gestures he has recently started ignoring them. Where as before he would reply in kind.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I would love to be able to talk to someone who has been through this first hand.
Thanks
@ScarletWoman12345678,
Of course you know how to walk away.
You delete his messages and any contact information and pictures, toss or sell anything tangible, and block him on all forms of communication and social media. You avoid places you used to hang around (whether IRL or in person) for maybe a month and, during that period, you lean on your friends and family.
Then you reclaim those places like the competent, capable adult that you are.
You can do this, and deep down, you know it.
I understand that you think its that easy to cut all ties and maybe it is for some but I'm not emotionally there or ready, so regardless of how he is stringing me along I still value him too much to just go dead and that be the end of it.
I appreciate this is just a chat forum and appreciate the impartial advice but I need to work out something more structured to be able to do this. I've considered leaving many times. Especially during arguments and its just not something I have had the strength to do. I know this sounds like I'm fighting it and I should have more self worth than to let this go on still.
@ScarletWoman12345678,
Never get involved with married people. This shows they are not trustworthy and can cheat on you and can do the same to you as to their spouse. Just not worth it. If he has no problem doing this to his wife and kids...then do you think you are truly safe than his own family either by marriage or flesh and blood? No. He is simply using people to his satisfaction. You are worth more than this.
@ScarletWoman12345678,
Yo know, you swingers should label your Swinging Stories better, I thought you were talking about a love relationship and now I’m wishing I hadn’t read that first sentence, yaakkk
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