The end of an affair

I was thinking that one day I will come back here and tell you how my life turned after I - married woman met someone and fell in love with married man for a decade.
A lot of you were involved advising me on divorcing and whatnot but I was very concern about my husband who were completely enabled by me for 15 (then) years and I saw him first dead before he would surviving divorce. Man wouldn’t made himself cup of coffee so...
I also never been alone since 13 and I couldn’t fathom myself as single woman.

So...my rship with my lover were going on and my suffering reached the point that I’ve lost 75lb of weight. I couldn’t eat, sleep and not waking up in the morning seemed like a desirable exit out of the situation at that time.

I was devastated. Lover wouldn’t move but he had reason that I won’t disclose but believe me it was legitiment one. So I stumbled upon website and started talking to men to ease the pain and I went in a few dates but nobody could come close to love of my life and I kept living in a misery. I’ve moved out of bedroom and slept by myself for a few years. But now I was cheating on my lover...not a good situation anyway.
Until one day I saw the picture of a man which made my heart stop!
I felt the same lightening going trough my body as I felt when I first saw my lover! I almost screamed. And we’ve talked. And we’ve met. And we’ve clicked as if we knew each other before.
We haven’t talked about dating. It seemed not nesessery to discuss. We just did.
He expressed displeasure of dating married woman and I got divorce! Wow! I did. I couldn’t believe I am doing it...and my ex got married in a months!!! The one I thought will DIE!!! He did it in spite but whatever...I was happy for him.

And since October 2018 I am dating my beautiful man whom I love and we have strange connection. We don’t argue. We are totally in tune. We love the same music. Same movies. He loves my cooking. I love his. We both love dogs. He is a single father and his son adores me.
I am still bit in a shock! I don’t want to not to wake up anymore. I can’t say I am happy because my decade old pain is still bothering me and keeping me from breathing deeply with pleasure. I am still having some fear and sadness inside of my head and heart but I am definitely going to turn it around with times.

All I am thinking is...is this ME?
HOW had I pulled this off?
And I don’t find an answer.

So I was a cheater and all around bad woman. And all of you who were involved told me that pretty often.
Today I am raising a child. Mine is graduated and out of the house happy for me and good with her dad. I am making one man life better than he ever had it before. I am a different person but I am still the same.
The question that I am holding inside of me is...people who knew my story - how are they viewing me?
It isn’t going to change anything in my life but I am just curious.

Thanks to everyone for everything in the past! Hugs.