I have no idea how to deal

So here's a quick history. My husband and I have been together for 20 years. for the first half of our marriage, it was great. I felt like I was with my best friend and soul mate, my husband would say the same thing.
Then, about 8 years ago, after being very financial successful, we lost everything. We both went through so much but I know it affected him much more than it affected me. I took it all in and just started down the next path. The whole thing changed him. I knew he was always narcissistic in an altruistic way, but when this all happened he became very different. He started triangulating with all our friends and family, he told me I wasn't a good wife and that he didn't love me anymore. He started re-writing our history in a very unfavorable way. It was so stressful. I did leave him for a short while as I knew if I stayed I would end up hating him and I loved him too much to hate him. He moved back in with me, in a little condo I had but pretty much right away started complaining about the size, no garage, only 1 bathroom, too old etc.
From, 2017 to 2019, we really started to become unsettled and I was not happy. He was buying things without talking to me. He grew his hair, refused to give up his season hockey tickets, even though he couldn't afford them anymore, kept taking money off of his retired mother, who does not have much, to go on vacations (without me). He invested $11,000 into a shady investment, even though I begged him not to.
I started counselling in early 2019 and asked him to join and he refused. Through counselling, I presented him with options. Let's work on this and this is how (showed him my plan) I told him I loved him and was not ready to give up. He agreed and so we started to really work on stuff and it seemed to be working, then out of the blue, he went an borrowed money from two people and rented a nice house and told be about it. This place was way more expensive than the place we were in. The place we were in is ours. He left anyway, he told me he wanted to figure out what he wanted. I told him he should have taken a short lease or something but no. He tells me later that he thought he'd talk me into being there.
6 weeks later, while I was on vacation, he sent me the longest text I have ever received, telling me that he's sorry, he made a mistake and wanted to be with me. It was two days into my vacation.
I was excited to get home and start making a plan to reconcile but strangely, when I tried to talk to him about the text, he didn't want to talk.
I should add that he found out very quickly that he couldn't afford the place he had rented and was struggling to pay the rent. Then in September 2019, he told me that he was moving back in, that he was trying to get out of the lease. It is now January 2020 and the plan has now evolved to him waiting out the lease and then moving back in when the lease is up, May 1. Well I noticed a few little inconsistencies in the past couple of weeks so I spoke to him and he was waffling about moving back in, spurting out reasons and telling me he wants me to come to the place he's renting so we can be together. I said this.... What I'm hearing is that you will only move back if that is your only choice, you will do everything you can to stay in that house? He still waffled and would not come out and say it. I explained to him that I feel like a consolation prize, I feel like me and our marriage is not important enough to him. I feel not good enough. He denies it all and says he loves me so much, but I feel his actions do not say the same thing.
My head says, move on, divorce him. My heart says, your history, your family, your future...... Gawd, it's so horrible. I just don't know what to do.